Page 3 | Partner won't put me on deeds !!

Stockgirl · 2025-04-05T17:24:53+00:00

Hi, my ex partner and i have been seeing each other for a couple of months to see if we can rescue our long term relationship (25 years)...he asked me to go back a few months ago and he said he'd put me on the deeds of the house..but after talking to him today he said he wanted to see where the relationship went before moving forward with that!! This causes a massive problem for me because I think he doesn't see me has his equal...after everything I've put into the property I think I deserve something...am I being unreasonable? I can't see a way forward tbh if we can't get past this...

Princessconsuelabananahammock9 · 06/04/2025 06:33

Have you been paying the mortgage the last 25 years?

If so can you prove it? I think you might have a legal standing in that case.

Original poster

Stockgirl · 06/04/2025 05:32

@Shopgirl1 I was heavily pregnant and quite ill at the time so he purchased it in his name because he said it was to much paperwork to put me on it.

OP posts:

Original poster

Stockgirl · 06/04/2025 05:29

@Poppyseeds79 If I wanted to get my feet under the table I would of carried on the relationship.

OP posts:

Treesandsheepeverywhere · 06/04/2025 02:50

Em1ly2023 · 05/04/2025 23:02

Yes, but I think she means that she was looking after the children which enabled him to continue earning…

Show quote history

To continue earning so he could support OP and the kids.
If OP had saved £100 a month, she'd have had enough for a deposit.
15 years of being a sahm with no marriage or being on the deeds is a risk not worth taking.

Agree with @CaptainFuture & others....

You weren't babysitting his kids OP, you were helping raise them, whilst his contribution was financial.

If he doesn't have a will, it will all go to the kids.

And even if he put you on the will, he could still remove you without you knowing, hence why marriage is the best option if you want protection.

Don't go back, your future starts now.

Shopgirl1 · 06/04/2025 02:36

How did it come about that the house was bought in his name only? Did he buy it before you got together?

Poppyseeds79 · 06/04/2025 02:02

Stockgirl · 05/04/2025 21:40

@Poppyseeds79 I'm not itching to sell it at all , my son lives there and he has asperger's so selling up isn't an option tbh...I just wanted my name on the deeds so if anything happened to my ex then my son wouldn't have any legal problems to sort.

Okay, except you have just talked about feeling like you're owed something financially, talked about what you feel you've paid into the house. It's not until later in the thread you seen concerned about your son ending up in a difficult place if something happens... It does seem you sound more bothered about getting your feet under the paid for table 🤔

EmeraldShamrock000 · 06/04/2025 01:55

I wouldn't do put your name down either. I wouldn't risk you leaving shortly afterwards.

Neither of you trust the other.

Sadly the money spent on redecorating is gone, you would have had bills, rent to pay, morally he should offer you a few thousand but not half a house.

He's a shit for doing this, I'm sorry it wasn't done earlier.

cherish123 · 06/04/2025 01:47

Gremlins101 · 05/04/2025 21:40

It sounds so cruel what this man has done to you. I'm so sorry OP.

You were his life partner. You raised both your kids and took a financial hit because of it. I'm in that situation now (the kids are small). If my husband let me leave with nothing in 20 odd years, I think I'd murder him......

You deserve half the house ffs!

I am interested to know what your adult kids think of their mother struggling with rent while their father keeps the house.

They are not married so OP wouldn't be entitled to it.

cherish123 · 06/04/2025 01:44

While he/she is probably a bit of a dick, I'm not sure why you would be put on the deeds of someone else's house. I know you paid m9ney towards the house and probably paid rent but this doesn't entitle you to part ownership. You should have saved money or taken steps to buy. It is not someone else's responsibility to provide you with a property or part of one.

SCWS · 06/04/2025 00:29

FondantFancyFan · 05/04/2025 21:00

Register your interest in the property with land registry so he can't sell without paying you back what you've spent on the property.

https://www.gov.uk/government/publications/notices-restrictions-and-the-protection-of-third-party-interests-in-the-register

https://www.stephensons.co.uk/site/blog/consumer-law-blog/registering_your_interest_in_a_property

https://england.shelter.org.uk/professional_resources/legal/relationship_breakdown/housing_rights_of_cohabiting_sole_homeowners/preventing_sale_or_disposal_if_one_partner_is_the_sole_owner

It’s not that straightforward- she’ll still have to take him to court. This just registers the interest which will make it difficult for him to sell until resolved.

It doesn’t mean she’ll just automatically get what she believes is owed.

I would never live with a partner in my home who didn’t own their own property, or had the means to buy their own. I would hate that someone I wasn’t legally tied to could have a claim on my hard paid for home. No thanks.

Tbrh · 06/04/2025 00:27

faerietales · 05/04/2025 18:40

He had 25 years to put you on the deeds (or marry you) but chose not to.

Why on earth would he do it now?

This and especially now that your relationship is in trouble

SCWS · 06/04/2025 00:25

Stockgirl · 05/04/2025 21:05

@FondantFancyFan I didn't realise you could do that !! Thank you 😊

Er… you don’t just automatically get something.

You still have to prove it - likely in court.

SCWS · 06/04/2025 00:18

Itisjustmyopinion · 05/04/2025 18:30

If I was in your partner’s shoes I wouldn’t be putting you on the deeds just yet either

You have only been back together a few months after a break up. How do either of you know it’s going to work long term?

He has to protect himself as much as you want to be in the deeds to have security. That is something you do when you are both absolutely sure this is a long term thing

This is my view too. Just no, I would protect my asset. Different if married of course, but I am of the (probably outdated) opinion that marriage is more commitment than just living together. I “just lived” with my now husband for 11 years so I have seen both sides and it did feel different after getting married.

HeySnoodie · 06/04/2025 00:07

Or should have bought your own house 25 years ago while living with him

HeySnoodie · 06/04/2025 00:06

You’ve been taken for a mug. Should have been on the deeds when the kids came along

Snapncrackle · 06/04/2025 00:01

He would be an absolute idiot to marry you or put you on the deeds right now

just like you were an idiot to invest into a house you have no legal interest in

you could take him to court but as your solicitor advised you it will cost you an awful lot and you probably won’t win

and why do you want to go back with someone you don’t love and don’t want to have sex with

PumpkinPieAlibi · 05/04/2025 23:51

CaptainFuture · 05/04/2025 23:45

I honestly don't get the MN....'I was happily a SAHM for 25 years... never had an employed job... clearly I've been stopped from having a £160k Fortune 500 job/rocket scientist/brain surgeon even though I have no appropriate qualifications/experience... so I must be entitled to spousal support ro make up for my career torpedo'!!

100% agreed.

Yes many women reduce their hours or become SAHMs but let's be honest - many of them didn't give up stellar careers or had high-earning jobs anyway. Many women want to stay at home because they don't love working (I get it - who does?) but then when it doesn't work out, act like they gave up an executive career because they were forced to raise their own kids.

This is why I will always believe women need to have their own income or job, married or not. You cannot fully trust or depend on anyone but yourself, no matter how much you love them or vice versa.

CaptainFuture · 05/04/2025 23:45

I honestly don't get the MN....'I was happily a SAHM for 25 years... never had an employed job... clearly I've been stopped from having a £160k Fortune 500 job/rocket scientist/brain surgeon even though I have no appropriate qualifications/experience... so I must be entitled to spousal support ro make up for my career torpedo'!!

AnneLovesGilbert · 05/04/2025 23:36

Gremlins101 · 05/04/2025 21:40

It sounds so cruel what this man has done to you. I'm so sorry OP.

You were his life partner. You raised both your kids and took a financial hit because of it. I'm in that situation now (the kids are small). If my husband let me leave with nothing in 20 odd years, I think I'd murder him......

You deserve half the house ffs!

I am interested to know what your adult kids think of their mother struggling with rent while their father keeps the house.

The difference is that you’re married. “Life partner” doesn’t mean anything official. You don’t agree to merge your worldly goods or accept responsibility for the other person when you cohabit or even share children. Someone gets up one day and leaves, as OP did, and the emotional tie is severed but there’s nothing official to end.

YourAzureEagle · 05/04/2025 23:35

Stockgirl · 05/04/2025 22:06

@Hoardasauruskaren He has no will hence why I'm trying to get him to put me on the deeds..I was on his life insurance but probably not anymore.

Intestacy rules would still work in the children's favour.

Em1ly2023 · 05/04/2025 23:02

AnneLovesGilbert · 05/04/2025 21:09

You don’t “babysit” your own children. It’s just parenting.

He’s not giving you any of his house.

Show quote history

Yes, but I think she means that she was looking after the children which enabled him to continue earning…

Original poster

Stockgirl · 05/04/2025 22:06

@Hoardasauruskaren He has no will hence why I'm trying to get him to put me on the deeds..I was on his life insurance but probably not anymore.

OP posts:

Poppyseeds79 · 05/04/2025 22:05

Stockgirl · 05/04/2025 21:40

@Poppyseeds79 I'm not itching to sell it at all , my son lives there and he has asperger's so selling up isn't an option tbh...I just wanted my name on the deeds so if anything happened to my ex then my son wouldn't have any legal problems to sort.

Has he not left the house to your kids in his will?

Original poster

Stockgirl · 05/04/2025 22:04

@Hoardasauruskaren Yes you're exactly right !! I just thought I was being a good parent being there for my children not really thinking of my long term plans has such.
The reason he says he didn't put me on the mortgage was because it was to much paperwork at the time...I was heavily pregnant so didn't argue about it.

OP posts:

Hoardasauruskaren · 05/04/2025 21:55

I think you’re getting a hard time here OP! You were a partnership raising a family together. You worked PT taking a hit on your career prospects pension etc while doing the bulk of the child rearing & probably most household chores too. But have no claim on your family home! Awful position to end up in.
DH & I bought a house together as an unmarried couple couple, no way would I have let him
buy the house in his name alone! How did that come about ? When you were still together did he name you in his will to inherit the house? What would have happened to you & DC if he had died?