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Original poster

Partner won't put me on deeds !!

136 replies

Stockgirl · 05/04/2025 18:24

Hi, my ex partner and i have been seeing each other for a couple of months to see if we can rescue our long term relationship (25 years)...he asked me to go back a few months ago and he said he'd put me on the deeds of the house..but after talking to him today he said he wanted to see where the relationship went before moving forward with that!!
This causes a massive problem for me because I think he doesn't see me has his equal...after everything I've put into the property I think I deserve something...am I being unreasonable? I can't see a way forward tbh if we can't get past this...

OP posts:
Spirallingdownwards · 06/04/2025 12:03

Stockgirl · 06/04/2025 10:03

@Sofiewoo You're right !! Legally i havent a leg to stand on , I guess some of us have more morals than others and would want the mother of their children living a higher standard of life than what she has now...but not everyone has the same moral compass.

It is not morally anyone's obligation to financially support another adult other than their dependant spouse. You (as a couple) chose not to get married for whatever reason and chose to live as independent financial beings for the purpose of tax etc. Thus you didn't get the protection of marriage or civil partnership when splitting with regards to financial relief.

Spirallingdownwards · 06/04/2025 11:59

Stockgirl · 05/04/2025 20:58

@1SillySossij I didn't live rent free , all my wages went back into the house on bills and food, and I was a full time baby sitter for his kids!!

Bills and food is not money going into the house. It is going on bills and food which you would pay if you were renting.

Even then you say you paid half of these and he paid half.

He invested in his property. You may have a small claim for the doors but that's all your potential beneficial interest would be. If you want ask him to pay you back your outlay for that. And also take any furnishings you bought. The reality is (and hopefully young women reading this thread will take note and protect themselves financially if in similar circumstances) you don't have a legal interest in his house albeit you may have a small beneficial interest if you pursue it.

BurntBroccoli · 06/04/2025 11:58

spicemaiden · 05/04/2025 18:44

You’ve been taken for a mug. You’ve improved a Hoise you had no claim to. You are on a hiding to nowhere.

walk away and start again and do not give your hard earned money to a wanker who will use it gif his own gains again.

Yes this!
Please do not get back with him. He was never invested in the relationship and should have put you on the deeds 25 years ago.

I don’t think you’ll get your money back unfortunately; it’s as though you were actually renting a property from him. A lot of people who rent spend lots of their own money on improvements but can’t get it back.

Original poster
Stockgirl · 06/04/2025 10:12

I would of put him on the deeds at the beginning of the relationship, he knows i dont want the house sold because of our son so it would be in name only.

OP posts:
faerietales · 06/04/2025 10:07

Stockgirl · 06/04/2025 10:03

@Sofiewoo You're right !! Legally i havent a leg to stand on , I guess some of us have more morals than others and would want the mother of their children living a higher standard of life than what she has now...but not everyone has the same moral compass.

It's nothing to do with morals. Would you hand half your house over to him if you were in his position?

Sofiewoo · 06/04/2025 10:06

Stockgirl · 06/04/2025 10:03

@Sofiewoo You're right !! Legally i havent a leg to stand on , I guess some of us have more morals than others and would want the mother of their children living a higher standard of life than what she has now...but not everyone has the same moral compass.

It’s got nothing to do with morals!

Morally why do you think he should have to sell or remortgage his house to release money for you?

Morally he has to share the care and financial burden of his children, not his ex girlfriend in her new life.

Original poster
Stockgirl · 06/04/2025 10:03

@Sofiewoo You're right !! Legally i havent a leg to stand on , I guess some of us have more morals than others and would want the mother of their children living a higher standard of life than what she has now...but not everyone has the same moral compass.

OP posts:
SomethingFun · 06/04/2025 10:02

I’ve only read op and it sounds like people aren’t sympathetic. Op deeds, marriage or move on. I’m sorry a lifetime of looking after this man and raising the dc has left you with nothing. Please look after yourself.

Superhansrantowindsor · 06/04/2025 09:58

Threads like these pop up every week. Please women - know your rights! Marriage isn’t just a piece of paper. It gives you protection against things like this. Heck - you don’t even need to get married - see a solicitor when cohabiting and make sure you have in place everything needed to protect yourself.
OP- walk away. You have no claim to his property at all.

faerietales · 06/04/2025 09:56

Stockgirl · 06/04/2025 09:46

@Sofiewoo I know !! But me paying bills and buying food meant he could pay the mortgage, I'd rather of paid the mortgage because it would of been more beneficial tbh.

That's not how mortgages work.

He passed the affordability checks on his own salary/income - you paying your share of living expenses has nothing to do with him being able to pay his mortgage.

Sofiewoo · 06/04/2025 09:53

Stockgirl · 06/04/2025 09:46

@Sofiewoo I know !! But me paying bills and buying food meant he could pay the mortgage, I'd rather of paid the mortgage because it would of been more beneficial tbh.

You paying half the bills didn’t “allow” him to pay the mortgage.
You lived in a house someone else owned, you paid less than you would have paid in rent, what do think you’re now “owed”??

Original poster
Stockgirl · 06/04/2025 09:46

@Sofiewoo I know !! But me paying bills and buying food meant he could pay the mortgage, I'd rather of paid the mortgage because it would of been more beneficial tbh.

OP posts:
Original poster
Stockgirl · 06/04/2025 09:43

@ThatsNotMyTeen Because it was our family home , our children grew up there and I wanted it to look nice for all of us.

OP posts:
Sofiewoo · 06/04/2025 08:46

Paying for half of bills and food isn’t paying towards the house though.

Dragonsandcats · 06/04/2025 08:46

I don’t see why he’d put you on the deeds now, he’s just stringing you along. I’m sorry.

ThatsNotMyTeen · 06/04/2025 08:46

Stockgirl · 05/04/2025 18:38

I paid for double glazed doors and flooring, furnishings etc and half of the bills every month.
I left with absolutely nothing except my clothes.
I saw a solicitor and he said that I'd have an expensive fight on my hands if I wanted to take him to court.
I just see him in a different light now tbh , I thought he cared deeply about me but if he did then why not help me financially.

Why did you do all this for a house you had no proprietary interest in?

Original poster
Stockgirl · 06/04/2025 08:44

@Bigblubird I think it's too late for that now tbh.

OP posts:
Original poster
Stockgirl · 06/04/2025 08:43

@NeedToChangeName I totally agree !! I was naive an̈d thought that this would never happen to me, if I had my time again i definitely wouldn't rely on a man for financial security.

OP posts:
Bigblubird · 06/04/2025 08:42

Tell him if he's serious about getting back together you want to get married as you want a commitment. Then you have some security if it breaks up again.

DenholmElliot11 · 06/04/2025 08:30

CaptainFuture · 05/04/2025 23:45

I honestly don't get the MN....'I was happily a SAHM for 25 years... never had an employed job... clearly I've been stopped from having a £160k Fortune 500 job/rocket scientist/brain surgeon even though I have no appropriate qualifications/experience... so I must be entitled to spousal support ro make up for my career torpedo'!!

I know right!

Almost as though getting pregnant to a man with assets was deliberate 🙂

NeedToChangeName · 06/04/2025 08:26

He won't add you to the deeds. No way. You've served your purpose for him

Let this thread be a warning to women who think it's cool and modern not to be married. We need to talk about this. Women who make career / financial sacrifices without protection of marriage need to understand the risks they're taking

Newgirls · 06/04/2025 08:18

I would hope that the boys will be beneficiaries in his will. That is the most that can be hoped for now and not something the OP can ask for.

SortingItOut · 06/04/2025 07:15

You posted before but on the relationships board and got a lot of good advice and support.

You should continue on that thread if you can or if not post again but link to your old thread.

daisychain01 · 06/04/2025 07:11

Stockgirl · 05/04/2025 18:48

@Ihitthetarget I looked after the children and worked part time all the time we were together, ì took a hit on my pension because of this.
I paid half the bills but he paid mortgage.

Unfortunately you took the hit on your finances and your partner saw you as a lodger and child minder.

youll never retrieve the situation by getting back together, its a busted flush.

find your own way now, and hopefully you can at least own your finances as an independent person and not have to answer to someone who's a user.

MissHollysDolly · 06/04/2025 06:56

You’re not being unreasonable, but given that you’ve already parted ways I think you need to ask for legal advice. You aren’t married, you haven’t paid into the mortgage and he is lying to you about adding a name to the deeds, its extremely simple form and then registering with the Land Registery.
I hope you get what you need OP