Partner won't put me on deeds !!

@Jillybloop393 on the other hand maybe it's the very least he can do after financially leaving his partner of 25 years and the mother of his children high and dry.

To try and woo her back and share a life with her again as a couple maybe it's the very least he can do.

Your motive isn’t clear in one post you say it’s only to protect your son who still lives there and in the next it’s to increase your standard of living - how would owning half a house you didn’t sell increase your standard of living ?

He should have paid you back for the work on the structure of the house but you only paid half the bills which seems fair to me:

If you really want to just protect your son then push him to make a will , and then walk away and stand on your own two feet - presumably he is covering all the costs for your son now so that will benefit you and you can work full time

well it's true in that I was told this, by a legal adviser given to me through work, but I have no idea whether anything could come from it. Just an avenue to explore, even if it turns out to be a dead end

Feel for you - he sounds an awful man. No way would I want to reconcile with him.

Did you put any cash deposit into the house by any chance? And can you prove it? That really is your money by rights.

That sounds exceptionally difficult to prove and unlikely to be true.

When I split up from my partner, one of the pieces of legal advice I had was that if you were engaged, or you were under the understanding that you would be married, then you could have a legal case for some sort of payment/dues. There is a term for it, which I can't find at present - my will had 'in contemplation of marriage' or 'expectation of marriage' at the time, so something similar, but perhaps check that out. To be engaged for 20 years, have children with this person, to the detriment of your own earnings and future prospects/security, might have some standing in law.

This. Sorry, but I'd be like him, and reluctant to share my all with someone that I'd only just got back with. In fact, I'd be highly suspicious as to the reason they got back with me, if all they did was insist on going on my deeds - those old red flags would be waving!

Of course you’re going to feel like you’ve been treated unfairly! He Future Faked you with marriage, the mortgage, a lump sum, and the deeds. He also faked you into investing in home improvements (which i would’ve thought gave you a claim to the house). The icing on the cake is the emotional affair. You’ve been conned, which is a bitter pill to swallow.

Did your partner own the house before you met? Or did you both choose the house together but it's only his name on the mortgage and deeds? If the latter, what were his reasonings behind you not going on the mortgage and deeds, at the time of purchase? It would be odd to choose a house together but only one person go on the deeds and mortgage. If he owned the house prior to you meeting, then I fully understand why he never added you to the deeds or mortgage initially. As time passed though, and especially as children came along, I would have expected him to add you to both. It's a simple process! Did you both ever discuss marriage? Was it something neither of you wanted? I'm sorry to say, I agree with others, he's not going to add you to the deeds (especially as the mortgage has been paid off). He hasn't in the 25 years you've been together, there's zero reason for him to do this now. You don't need me or anyone else to tell you that you made a huge error in not marrying, because you'd now be entitled to a divorce settlement. As it stands your partner has no legal obligation to give you any financial settlement or help. You have no legal claim on any of his assets - house, savings, pensions etc. You need to cut your losses, and accept your partner won't be giving you a penny.

Where do you think he should get the money to fund your lump sum to set you up from?

I don't think you are being unreasonable in asking for some help and I hope you get some.
Maybe you could try being as you were before the menopause, in order to sweeten the situation. I know you shouldn't have to be but you catch more flies with honey and all that.

So it's not about going on the deeds to protect your son then. It is about wanting some capital from the house. Presumably he's well aware of this and again you're not getting on the deeds.

You've only moved back in with him to try and get on the deeds. You're better off saying you'll either cut your losses completely, or stay there 'platonically', whilst you save some cash.

@Stockgirl
I understand that you are concerned for your boys but as they are over 21, your older son will be his next of kin and if he hasn't made a will, I think the house will go to him. Could you talk to your older son and reassure yourself that he will share with his younger brother?

However, you do say that you expect your ex partner to help you financially, so clearly it's not just the worry about your younger boy that is on your mind. I don't think it's unreasonable for him to give you a lump sum-maybe a deposit for a flat-could he raise it against the house?

Would he be willing to do this? I suppose a lot hinges on how you left. You say that you did it for the altruistic reason of allowing him to have a fulfilling relationship with someone else, although I don't get the impression that he had asked you to do this.

You also mention that the menopause "gave (you) a voice. Does this mean that were arguments, hurtful things said and bad feeling?

This might make appealing to his better nature difficult and I wonder if this bad feeling has continued and could this be a factor in his decision to delay putti g you on the deeds when he previously indicated that this might be an option.

If the relationship is now bitter and he thinks your "voice" was instrumental in causing the break up, then rightly or wrongly it will be difficult to persuade him to part with money, If however, you left for purely altruistic reasons then maybe he should remember this and treat you accordingly.

Horrible though it is, you are now reliant on how positive he feels towards you.

The only other thing I can suggest is that you ask your older son to speak for you.

Good luck!

Only on mn is paying half towards your living costs is being deemed saintly and over the odds!!

If I'd just broken up with you and we'd given it one last go I wouldn't add you to me deeds either.

What if you were only back to get the deeds. I'd be saying if in 6 months we're still good I will. Although I do wonder why it's been 25yrs and not already happened

I’m afraid I dont understand why you left so he could have a ‘fulfilling relationship’ and then said ‘with only my clothes’.

You didn’t leave because of bad behaviour on his part.

You left and that is the legal point. You should not have left. If you were unhappy because you felt he was unreasonable in not putting you on the deeds with no recognition of what you had contributed then you should have done it then and not left and also abandoned your child who has Asperger’s.

Go to Shelter if you want confirmation that you have lost any legal right you might have had and do not instruct a solicitor who will string you along and then present the bill for legal fees.

He’d have to be insane to put you on the deeds. Certifiably insane. Might as well just burn money to keep warm.

Did you contribute to the deposit for the house?

OP thinks paying for half of bills and looking after her own kids is classed as paying rent..

But he's let you live their rent free, for 25years?