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Original poster

Friend looks down on me as I don't sahm

41 replies

CleverTaupeHare · 05/04/2025 14:00

My friend who I've known for a long time I feel looks down on me because I don't sahm.

She works two days a week and now has two kids. Says it's not worthwhile her going to work financially. Is a nurse, not sure what band.

States people like Paris Fury look after their own kids and holds them in high esteem.

I have to work as partner went back home and no longer in contact. I didn't really enjoy maternity of being with child full time anyway. I have little support locally.

Aibu in thinking she looks down in me?

OP posts:
LadyQuackBeth · 05/04/2025 14:24

You appear to be the judgey one, why throw in a dig about the TV? This is almost definitely a you problem.

All she's said to you is that it makes financial sense - people tend to say that to avoid sounding like it's an ideological choice, the very opposite of judgey.

It might not be 100% true but she's allowed to weigh up her own pros and cons without giving you all the details. She's saying financial to avoid getting into it with you and you need to leave it alone.

Reflect on why her choices bother you and why you'd even care that she follows SAHMs on whatever platform - if she followed Eilish MacColgan would you make it about you "she looks down at me only running 5km..." This is honestly the leaps you are making, just to make yourself feel more unhappy.

Needmorelego · 05/04/2025 14:19

Why do people care so much about what other people do with their lives?
Working full time, part time or SAHM.
Why does it matter?
Who actually cares?

theunbreakablecleopatrajones · 05/04/2025 14:19

The evidence this woman is an idiot is strong

Just get shot of her, or don’t and take the bits of her you like

ValentinesGranny · 05/04/2025 14:18

So she isn't a SAHM?

BopandBootheBraveBunnies · 05/04/2025 14:18

Sorry, in two days.

BopandBootheBraveBunnies · 05/04/2025 14:18

Is this your second thread about this is two day?

Sofiewoo · 05/04/2025 14:17

CleverTaupeHare · 05/04/2025 14:09

She brings it up quite a lot.

Instead of saying "yeah I like staying at home" it's "it's financially better".

Wouldn't mind but the TV is on constantly

Stop.

Needmorelego · 05/04/2025 14:15

She's not your friend.
Friends don't say things like that to each other.
Ignore her and find new friend

TwoLeggedGrooveMachine · 05/04/2025 14:14

TheCountessofFitzdotterel · 05/04/2025 14:10

She might be genuinely looking down on you or she might be feeling defensive and hitting out because I promise you, SAHMs get looked down on a whole lot more.

It depends which side you are in. I definitely got judged and faux head tilt sympathy for leaving my babies with strangers. Maybe things have swung in favour of working mums a bit more now due to COL rises but working mums definitely got a whole load of judgement from SAHMs justifying their choices when mine were small.

SundayFundayz · 05/04/2025 14:13

CleverTaupeHare · 05/04/2025 14:09

She brings it up quite a lot.

Instead of saying "yeah I like staying at home" it's "it's financially better".

Wouldn't mind but the TV is on constantly

Who’s judging who??

TwoLeggedGrooveMachine · 05/04/2025 14:10

I had this from some ‘friends’ when DC were small. I distanced myself and mixed with less judgmental people. My kids are 17 and 14 and being a working mum doesn’t appear to have impacted negatively on them. They have happy memories of nursery/child miner/grand parents childcare. To them me working was so totally normal as to not be worthy of comment. All that mum guilt for nothing!

TheCountessofFitzdotterel · 05/04/2025 14:10

She might be genuinely looking down on you or she might be feeling defensive and hitting out because I promise you, SAHMs get looked down on a whole lot more.

Original poster
CleverTaupeHare · 05/04/2025 14:09

She brings it up quite a lot.

Instead of saying "yeah I like staying at home" it's "it's financially better".

Wouldn't mind but the TV is on constantly

OP posts:
Original poster
CleverTaupeHare · 05/04/2025 14:08

FateReset · 05/04/2025 14:05

Maybe she feels you look down on her for giving up nursing career? In western culture a lot of people don't view being a sahm as a proper 'job' or see it as taking the easy option. It's actually a very intense, hard job if you do it properly and don't outsource everything, but she may have experienced negativity. Few women enjoy the switch at first.

Why would she try to belittle you or make you feel bad for not having her options? Unless you've said disparaging things about sahms to her in past?

She's still working

She always states it financially better for her not to work as much etc. she earns £40k so that's not true (we go to same nursery).

I avoid talking about this with her because I don't judge people's lives, they do that they want

OP posts:
FateReset · 05/04/2025 14:05

Maybe she feels you look down on her for giving up nursing career? In western culture a lot of people don't view being a sahm as a proper 'job' or see it as taking the easy option. It's actually a very intense, hard job if you do it properly and don't outsource everything, but she may have experienced negativity. Few women enjoy the switch at first.

Why would she try to belittle you or make you feel bad for not having her options? Unless you've said disparaging things about sahms to her in past?

Original poster
CleverTaupeHare · 05/04/2025 14:03

She has loads of support locally with grandparents and so kings, plus partner is WFH. Still was looking at not having a second and steraltisation

OP posts:
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