Friend looks down on me as I don't sahm

melua · 05/04/2025 21:25

This is ridiculous.

Offtobuttonmoontovisitmrspoon · 05/04/2025 21:21

Maybe nursery is bad. I don't know

What does any of this mean?

Sofiewoo · 05/04/2025 21:19

CleverTaupeHare · 05/04/2025 14:39

Didn't go back to work full time because childcare fees. Apparently. Both get 30 hours funded. Mum is on £40k and dad is on £60k

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So what’s your issue?
Are you bitter because she earns more for less hours?

HowManyDucks · 05/04/2025 20:51

This thread is bonkers.

Scarlettpixie · 05/04/2025 19:45

Maybe your friend wishes she was a sahm. But she isn’t one now so not sure why you think she is judging you for not being one either.

FateReset · 05/04/2025 19:38

Are you envious of her working part time? Or worried your child will miss out because they're in nursery not with you?
I don't understand why her lifestyle bothers you so much. How do you know they watch TV all day unless you're peering in her windows on your work breaks?

Some women do genuinely feel their children benefit from having a parent at home some days, rather than full time childcare. So what if the TV is on, I'm sure she still engages with them, feeds them. Maybe she uses her 'home' days to catch up on things that help run her household economically eg budgeting, online shopping, batch cooking, laundry, cleaning. Perhaps she's setting up her own business or studying, and doesn't want to discuss it with you. Lots of people who work full time outsource the cleaning, maintenance work/diy, laundry, ironing, gardening etc so she's able to save money by going part time? Or she doesn't want to talk about why she chose to drop to part time so 'financially better' is an excuse.

I don't understand how she's coming across as superior to you? What has she said about your choices to make you feel judged?

TheIceBear · 05/04/2025 18:58

@CleverTaupeHare i have one friend who is always harping on about how they “only work part time” I just ignore it I couldn’t care less. It’s usually some insecurity in another person if they try and make you feel bad about something .

Original poster

CleverTaupeHare · 05/04/2025 16:28

TheIceBear · 05/04/2025 15:21

I’m in the same boat as you I have to work but even if I didn’t have to I would continue working a sahm lifestyle just wouldn’t suit me

it doesn’t really sound like your friend has said anything offensive at all though. Just because she has made different choices to you doesn’t mean she is looking down on you ?

Don't know why she mentions it's alot

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SedumRoof · 05/04/2025 15:50

Maybe just stop seeing her, OP, and spend time with people who don’t look up to the wife of a professional thug with four sons called Prince?

Watermill · 05/04/2025 15:45

CleverTaupeHare · 05/04/2025 15:07

That's fine if you are incapable of understanding
That becomes a "you" problem so don't make it about "us".

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That doesn’t make sense either…😂

Who are “us” in this?

Original poster

CleverTaupeHare · 05/04/2025 15:28

TheIceBear · 05/04/2025 15:21

I’m in the same boat as you I have to work but even if I didn’t have to I would continue working a sahm lifestyle just wouldn’t suit me

it doesn’t really sound like your friend has said anything offensive at all though. Just because she has made different choices to you doesn’t mean she is looking down on you ?

She mentions people "looking after their own children" alot.
Maybe nursery is bad. I don't know

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TheIceBear · 05/04/2025 15:21

I’m in the same boat as you I have to work but even if I didn’t have to I would continue working a sahm lifestyle just wouldn’t suit me

it doesn’t really sound like your friend has said anything offensive at all though. Just because she has made different choices to you doesn’t mean she is looking down on you ?

skyeisthelimit · 05/04/2025 15:14

you need to stop giving any thought at all to what she says. who on earth looks up to Paris Fury or anyone else for that matter. she needs to get a grip on reality.

if you are a single parent, then would she prefer that you were a benefit family just so you can stay at home?

Original poster

CleverTaupeHare · 05/04/2025 15:12

Poonu · 05/04/2025 15:07

Paris Fury lol
Didn't her and her husband take their daughters' out of education.

I wouldn't worry about her opinion.

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She looks after her own kids..... Lol

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Poonu · 05/04/2025 15:07

CleverTaupeHare · 05/04/2025 14:00

My friend who I've known for a long time I feel looks down on me because I don't sahm.

She works two days a week and now has two kids. Says it's not worthwhile her going to work financially. Is a nurse, not sure what band.

States people like Paris Fury look after their own kids and holds them in high esteem.

I have to work as partner went back home and no longer in contact. I didn't really enjoy maternity of being with child full time anyway. I have little support locally.

Aibu in thinking she looks down in me?

Paris Fury lol
Didn't her and her husband take their daughters' out of education.

I wouldn't worry about her opinion.

Original poster

CleverTaupeHare · 05/04/2025 15:07

Watermill · 05/04/2025 14:53

I don’t understand this thread at all.

Your “friend” works part time. You work full time. As a result, you think she “looks down on you.”

This definitely sounds like a “you” problem and you sound very jealous.

That's fine if you are incapable of understanding
That becomes a "you" problem so don't make it about "us".

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Original poster

CleverTaupeHare · 05/04/2025 15:06

FateReset · 05/04/2025 14:49

She's still working
She always states it financially better for her not to work as much etc. she earns £40k so that's not true (we go to same nursery).
I avoid talking about this with her because I don't judge people's lives, they do that they want

Are you sure she wouldn't be better off financially, how much does her husband earn? If he makes more than 100k she won't be entitled to any free hours at all, so their nursery bill will be huge. Maybe they have lots of outgoings you don't eg older child in wraparound school clubs, cleaning/ironing services, that she could take on if she became sahm?

Funny she's still working if she'd be better off staying home, does she actually want to stay home? Might just be boasting? Or complaining about childcare costs? Nurses are famously underpaid for the work they do, so there's lots of resentment in NHS over salaries. I left my Nhs career to be a sahm but i've never judged those who can't or those who choose not to

No he doesn't earn that. They get TFC and hours.

The nursery is 11k full time before deductions so yes she's financially better of.

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Original poster

CleverTaupeHare · 05/04/2025 15:04

Offtobuttonmoontovisitmrspoon · 05/04/2025 14:54

It looks as if you are judging her.

I’m a bit confused though. Shes not a sahm, she’s a part time nurse?

She works 88 days a year. I work 230.

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Offtobuttonmoontovisitmrspoon · 05/04/2025 14:54

It looks as if you are judging her.

I’m a bit confused though. Shes not a sahm, she’s a part time nurse?

Watermill · 05/04/2025 14:53

I don’t understand this thread at all.

Your “friend” works part time. You work full time. As a result, you think she “looks down on you.”

This definitely sounds like a “you” problem and you sound very jealous.

FateReset · 05/04/2025 14:49

She's still working
She always states it financially better for her not to work as much etc. she earns £40k so that's not true (we go to same nursery).
I avoid talking about this with her because I don't judge people's lives, they do that they want

Are you sure she wouldn't be better off financially, how much does her husband earn? If he makes more than 100k she won't be entitled to any free hours at all, so their nursery bill will be huge. Maybe they have lots of outgoings you don't eg older child in wraparound school clubs, cleaning/ironing services, that she could take on if she became sahm?

Funny she's still working if she'd be better off staying home, does she actually want to stay home? Might just be boasting? Or complaining about childcare costs? Nurses are famously underpaid for the work they do, so there's lots of resentment in NHS over salaries. I left my Nhs career to be a sahm but i've never judged those who can't or those who choose not to

ThatsNotMyTeen · 05/04/2025 14:40

I wouldn’t be bothered about the opinion of someone who admired the likes of Paris Fury

Original poster

CleverTaupeHare · 05/04/2025 14:39

ValentinesGranny · 05/04/2025 14:18

So she isn't a SAHM?

Didn't go back to work full time because childcare fees. Apparently. Both get 30 hours funded. Mum is on £40k and dad is on £60k

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Original poster

CleverTaupeHare · 05/04/2025 14:38

LadyQuackBeth · 05/04/2025 14:24

You appear to be the judgey one, why throw in a dig about the TV? This is almost definitely a you problem.

All she's said to you is that it makes financial sense - people tend to say that to avoid sounding like it's an ideological choice, the very opposite of judgey.

It might not be 100% true but she's allowed to weigh up her own pros and cons without giving you all the details. She's saying financial to avoid getting into it with you and you need to leave it alone.

Reflect on why her choices bother you and why you'd even care that she follows SAHMs on whatever platform - if she followed Eilish MacColgan would you make it about you "she looks down at me only running 5km..." This is honestly the leaps you are making, just to make yourself feel more unhappy.

Would rather my kid was doing activities during the day than watching TV.... Not a dig is it.

Unless "at least she looks after her own children" isn't a dog

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Original poster

CleverTaupeHare · 05/04/2025 14:37

TheCountessofFitzdotterel · 05/04/2025 14:10

She might be genuinely looking down on you or she might be feeling defensive and hitting out because I promise you, SAHMs get looked down on a whole lot more.

Do they? You mean the single parents "on benefits"?

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