Work colleague has decided to come on holiday with me — again...

Yes, that’s a new one - develop a new carcinogenic hobby and try for an early death to escape a work colleague 😂

*Disclaimer: I suspect Sheila was being a bit tongue in cheek.

What?? It is quite possible, you know, to have direct communication that is neither a fib/excuse nor telling someone to fuck off.

@Craquedechevalier has already said she will follow the advice of someone who suggested a script that was truthful, direct, yet not insulting.

It's very depressing that some posters can’t see that some people are naturally courteous and want to get their point across civilly without unnecessarily upsetting someone who has meant no harm (and who is not a stranger OP will never see again, but a work colleague).

@wildflowersplease no, quite the opposite. Direct, adult conversation has been suggested to op and she interprets this as telling the woman to ‘fuck off’ which is absolutely not the same thing. Having a conversation has been suggested and she has ignored advice as she takes pity on the woman.

Oh FGS. What a ridiculous waste of time and energy, concocting random new 'habits'.

This suggests that OP's only possible response is to tell the woman to fuck off.

There is a middle ground of 'having a conversation'.

Could you come at in from another angle? Start a smoking habit so you can genuinely say ‘oh goodness no, don’t bring Sally in I’m smoking my head off!’ Even better if it’s not just tobacco. Or develop an overwhelming passion for smoked kippers? Every morning and evening. Bring an annoying dog? Plastic spiders or snakes? It’s difficult to be rude to someone you have to work with so I don’t have any better suggestions.
Your week at Hay (sans work colleague) sounds lovely though! I’m tempted to go myself as I’ve never been and the small DC are now big DC with little interest in holidaying with mother.

a form of bullying??? Wtf

This

@Craquedechevalier it seems you don’t want a resolution then. When you put it like that. It’s too difficult for you to do. If you’re looking for a fib or excuse maybe you should’ve added a clause to your original question ‘direct communication about it is a no’

I used the term 'wet lettuce' as well. I don't think it's unkind in this context. OP has wasted days dithering, when a firm but short response saying NO would have nipped this in the bud.

And in you op you specifically asked how to say to her ‘your not doing it again’ and that you were relieved she left a day early.
now she’s not a cf but some damsel in distress and you feel sorry for here. Jesus op delete the thread. Did you just want people to tell you you were a hero?

Yes I too would have sympathised the first time round. She obviously struggled then. But she’s chosen to go again this time- expecting your help yet again.

Agreed. OP spent most of the thread painting her colleague as a cheeky fucker and then gets angry when everyone agrees she’s a cheeky fucker.

But surely she isn't really lonely is she? You have spoken about her large and very close family so she isn't alone without support.

You wouldn't be telling her to fuck off, you'd be telling her that you use this volunteer week for alone time from your own DH and children to re-charge your batteries and decompress.

You are upset and the situation is ruining the time when you would be really looking forward to your holiday as well as ruining the holiday itself.

You can be clear and direct without being unkind. It is more awkward because she is a colleague, not a close friend, but the fact that you aren't close friends makes her actions seem even more cheeky and entitled.

I'm sorry I mortally offended you by calling you a wet lettuce. FYI, I am one of the least assertive people on the planet, so any advice or observations I offer in this instance have been hardwon over decades.

It is astonishing you are putting this much energy and dare I say venom into reacting to my read of what you have laid out clearly in this thread, but - absolutely not a wet lettuce - you did not manage to speak up, set a boundary, or get your needs met on any day or evening of your last "holiday".

Why is it pointless? She's literally said she's going to take one of the early poster's (wise, balanced) advice and has a plan to talk to the colleague face to face when she's back at work, taking some of the feedback on board.

Just because she's not doing exactly what some of the more extreme people on here want her to do, doesn't remotely mean that the thread is pointless at all. OP has been generally pleasant and has even helped interest people with info on Hay. She doesn't have to agree with everyone or go to maximum measures.

Yikes. She's only going again because you made it more bearable for her last time. 😬

OP, you’re the one who painted this woman as a cheeky fucker. What else did you mean when you said things like below? The language you use to describe her is not that of someone sympathising with ‘a young woman rather bravely decided to take her child camping to a festival on her own’.

She would ‘eye up my toast or cereal and only leave when I had to go off on volunteering duty.’

Or ‘the child would ask for some juice or squash... And then back again around 6pm.’

And ‘I'd be prepping dinner and 'help' me while they had a cup of hot chocolate. And when I'm just cooking pasta and throwing in some sauce, and there's a hungry little girl watching and her mum doesn't appear to have plans for their dinner...’

This thread shows how badly people deal with simple conflict of needs, with so many suggestions of lose-lose tactics. Just tell her to fuck off, just tell her no, don't give any explanation, make a dig about having to host her last year (i.e. shut down any chance of conversation). Or just keep fobbing her off, put the blinds down, act like you're about to go out any time you see her approaching, she'll get the message eventually. Or miss the festival altogether, stay in a different campsite and walk 20 minutes in the rain. All leading to negative outcome for both the OP and the colleague. Explaining the situation kindly and clearly to the colleague now means the OP meets her own needs and gives the colleague the chance to cancel or make other plans if she needs to. Why do people play games that are both unkind and make everyone's life harder?

I've just checked and I've not even liked/followed the page so think it's maybe been shared as an ad by the algorithms because I do come on this page or something. We went to gran canaria on Friday, it was raining when we arrived and my husband said we'd maybe have been better in Liverpool (we are from Scotland) literally 10 seconds later my phone gave me a pull down notification for the weather in Liverpool.

I really like this. I think Agnes would have to be every bit as appalling as some pps think she is to not take it on board and leave the OP in peace. It's a powerful 'me' statement that takes responsibility for one's own needs and doesn't turn the situation into an exposition about how needy, socially clueless and selfish the other party is. She may be all of those things, she may not, but what matters is the effect on the OP of having her solitude and privacy invaded. If the other woman is at all reasonable, she won't want to upset someone who treated her so kindly last year and will treat this statement as an assertion of a perfectly fair boundary - and one she might need to lay down herself one day.

That's always a worry now. Does everyone see Mumsnet Facebook posts or just mumsnetters?

Not sure if someone's already posted but this has just come up on my Facebook feed posted by mumsnet. Given how identifying it is, you may no longer need to have the convo if she sees it but at least all your responses have been kind and considerate towards her.

Hmm the thing about her being 'chatty and uncomplicated' is somewhat undermined by the fact that you were cooking meals for her and her kid, and she didn't contribute so much as a can of beans. She's a CF. She'll definitely be a CF again this year because she thinks she's got a free chef and babysitter onsite, which is why she's going.

Honestly, I'd book a different campsite and take a bike if it's a bit further - or even a B&B. Otherwise you'll have the low level stress of expecting her to turn up the whole time. I bet she cancels anyway once she realises you won't be staying at the same place.