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Original poster

Work colleague has decided to come on holiday with me — again...

843 replies

Craquedechevalier · 05/04/2025 11:39

I work in a school (admin, not teaching). Every year for the last 11 years, I've been away on my own over the summer half-term to attend a big literary festival. My DH and DC have never wanted to come. Both children are now in their 20s.

I register as a volunteer for the festival, book a campsite for a week, do my volunteering duties and attend events at the festival, read, sleep lots, eat what I want and do some work remotely. I have several friends who do similar. It's my 'me' week and I look forward to it very much. Several people at work know what I do and occasionally they turn up at the festival for a day or two. We bump into each other at the festival site, have a coffee — not a problem.

Last year I arrived on the campsite and was setting the van up when someone banged on the window. It was a colleague with her 7-year-old daughter, asking for help to put their tent up. They were camping on the same site in a tent for the week. I helped out, reluctantly. Then they wanted to come in and join me in the van because there was a chilly wind and they were cold. I made them drinks, they poked around the van and didn't seem to want to leave. It went on like that. The weather wasn't great and whenever I was in the van they'd come round and expect to sit with me in the warm or have hot drinks or a meal. They had a car and went out sometimes during the day, but never brought back a takeaway or food to help out. I felt under pressure to host them and so ended up avoiding the van as much as possible. One evening my colleague asked me to look after her daughter while she attended a comedy gig at the festival. She'd already bought a ticket: I didn't feel as if I could say no. I felt as if I'd lost all my down time to looking after them.

They left a day early, which was a relief: they weren't prepared for the reality of camping and from what my colleague said in the weeks afterwards, she had no intention of going back again. Yesterday afternoon I bumped into her in the corridor and she announced that she'd bought a better tent and mattress and thermal leggings and she and her daughter were booked again. Same campsite as me. 'We can hang out like last year' she said.

I'm already booked into the campsite and on the volunteer rota, so I'm committed. How can I politely say that they spoiled last year's break for me, and I'm not doing it again?

OP posts:
Azureshores · 01/05/2025 17:37

Craquedechevalier
I know you may have left the thread but I've read it all and just want to say you sound lovely, compassionate and kind and I'd be in exactly the same quandary as you.

Hope you have a fab time 💐

NeedToAskPlease · 01/05/2025 12:57

@Craquedechevalier - how are you? Have you managed to get it all sorted?

LittleBigHead · 25/04/2025 20:00

So do I wonder @RockyRogue1001 I hope she comes back to tell us - even under a different name.

Circleofthesun · 25/04/2025 19:49

I think OP rued the day she started this thread imo. Too outing & media friendly.

RockyRogue1001 · 25/04/2025 18:58

I wouldn't blame @Craquedechevalier for not coming back to this thread, but I do wonder how it all pans out

WiddlinDiddlin · 16/04/2025 20:59

Idontjetwashthefucker · 16/04/2025 20:31

Still no update?

As the OP works in a school, as does her colleague, and easter hols this year are 7th to 21st, I suspect there can be no update as she hasn't seen colleague to speak to her.

Idontjetwashthefucker · 16/04/2025 20:31

Still no update?

Ellsbells22 · 16/04/2025 15:02

Craquedechevalier · 06/04/2025 08:28

I think she probably thinks it must be lonely for me, on my own at a festival. My guess is that she thinks she and her little girl are brightening the day of a sad older woman with no friends. I think she thinks she's the one being friendly and that 90 minutes babysitting while she saw a show was just something you do for friends.

Some people seem to have created a scenario in which my colleague and her DD were practically living in the camper with me last year and that I was expected to provide dinner every night. I didn't say that. But they did seem to assume that if I was in the camper it was okay to knock and come in for a bit, and they did tend to turn up around the time I'd be prepping dinner and 'help' me while they had a cup of hot chocolate. And when I'm just cooking pasta and throwing in some sauce, and there's a hungry little girl watching and her mum doesn't appear to have plans for their dinner...

They had a gas ring and a kettle, but standing waiting in the wind or drizzle for a kettle to boil isn't very pleasant. Much nicer to be in a warm van — particularly when you think that by being there you're cheering up a sad and lonely older woman who seems to have no friends.

Show quote history

Yes she probably does; it doesn’t come from maliciousness just lacking those social skills. There’s a big difference in choosing to do it alone though and having to. I would love to go somewhere solo.

hopefully this year too she will be more prepared with thermals and adequate tent equipment!

I hope you manage to pick bits from most people’s advice and come up with a solution, and best of all, enjoy yourself!

FloppySarnie · 12/04/2025 07:43

I love your attitude OP. You’re not a wet lettuce, You’re fair and compassionate, and have similar interests to me. I wish we were friends!

veggie50 · 12/04/2025 06:04

Circleofthesun · 08/04/2025 13:24

@SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius I didn’t think it was patronising either - you were trying to stick up for OP. I think she’s doing a lot of damage control now as an earlier PP said it’s been picked up by the press? Now even more awkward at work!! maybe the colleague will get the hint after all?

Was it indeed? The Daily Mail perchance? Was wondering why the change of tune from OP. Such a tough world we live in now, like living in a gold fish bowl, everything is transparent and magnify, can't even be a closet grump these days (sign)!

mathanxiety · 12/04/2025 04:27

Craquedechevalier · 05/04/2025 11:59

If I say I'll be busy she'll probably smile and say 'I know you're busy, we'll just pop over when you're around to have a drink with you when we see you in the van.' Last year she told to others at work about how she and her daughter relied on me for hot water and food and warmth and how they wouldn't have survived without me.

I don't think she's a CF, I just think she's one of those cheery outgoing people who assume people are happy to spend time with her and her child. She's a single mum: it can't be easy, I know. I can't help it that I'm someone who needs my own space.

Tell her you're sorry but her plans don't work for you and since she's now a seasoned camper you're sure she and her child will be well able to manage without you.

GirlOfTudor · 12/04/2025 03:56

Craquedechevalier · 07/04/2025 10:21

You charmer!

Show quote history

I'm not sure what your attitude is for OP. This person has literally outlined exactly what you've described throughout your multiple posts and when people tell you to grow some balls and say no, you get snarky with them. Why exactly did you post this???

GirlOfTudor · 12/04/2025 03:43

Time to grow a backbone and tell her you have no interest in spending time with her at the festival. You should've done that last year.

LePetitMaman · 12/04/2025 02:17

pictoosh · 11/04/2025 15:20

What a silly thing to say.
Would the woman really give a stuff about a nest of vipers egging one another on to think the worst of someone they've never met and know nothing about? I don't think she'll consider it a 'world view'. I wouldn't. It's not.

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You don't think the similar view of 400 odd people of the general public is a general perception of something?

Ok....

SparklyLeader · 11/04/2025 19:50

Maybe she was hoping the woman would read it and get the message without her having to confront her. I don't think she will recognize herself because someone who stays past their welcome, invades others personal space, makes plans to go to a show by dumping their kid on this woman without even asking her first, seems highly unlikely to be aware enough of the people around them to recognize herself.

However, if she does recognize herself, and she has a brain, then the first thing she will do is apologize for her presumptuously bad behavior last time, ask the person posting to go for a coffeeon heras a thanks for the last time, and then promise not to bother her at the coming festival unless she is specifically invited by the poster.

Is HR really allowed to control web posts that do not use names outside of work in Britain?

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 11/04/2025 16:47

I'm responding to the suggestion made that the Colleague should be shown the thread. I think this is a bad ideas as it could blow up if Colleague decides to report OP to HR or otherwise make trouble at work. when there are better ways to manage the situation. She's not a bridesmaid or a uni friend, she's a work colleague.

Personally I think the colleague is a CF and if the story does get out and she reads what people have said about her - which is often not how the OP would have expressed it - then I can imagine a CF type of person going around saying this type of thing,

"Oh colleagues. Poor Me. I only said I'd see OP at the festival.. then she went on MN and now I've been described in the most horrible terms, she could have just said something how mean ect"

A pp said that the thread is already on MN's facebook. Threads often end up in the newspapers so I do think OP should be a bit careful now that she's had the advice.

TheHerboriste · 11/04/2025 15:52

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 11/04/2025 14:33

Given that she's a colleague and talks to people who OP works closely with, I don't think it will go down well being outed on MN. Many opinions on the thread are quite strident about the colleague and it could absolutely blow up in the OP's face at work if the colleague complained to HR about being on MN without the OP speaking to her about the issue and saying she needed time to herself.
There are much better ways for OP to manage this than making people read threads about themselves.

Oh come on.

The woman is only outed if she outs herself to colleagues.

pictoosh · 11/04/2025 15:20

LePetitMaman · 11/04/2025 12:36

I think the opposite. If the woman actually reads it, she can see what the world view is, so to speak.

It's very hard to be a victim and get shitty with OP when there are about 400 unbiased people saying she's a CF. Whereas if OP spoke to her without this, CF's first reaction will potentially to double down against OP being unreasonable here.

Hopefully she's read this and realises if she does start acting a div around the workplace because OP won't work around her expectations, that a lot of people will have read this thread and hugely disagree with her behaviour, so she won't get away with the stropping at work now either.

Show quote history

What a silly thing to say.
Would the woman really give a stuff about a nest of vipers egging one another on to think the worst of someone they've never met and know nothing about? I don't think she'll consider it a 'world view'. I wouldn't. It's not.

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 11/04/2025 14:33

Given that she's a colleague and talks to people who OP works closely with, I don't think it will go down well being outed on MN. Many opinions on the thread are quite strident about the colleague and it could absolutely blow up in the OP's face at work if the colleague complained to HR about being on MN without the OP speaking to her about the issue and saying she needed time to herself.
There are much better ways for OP to manage this than making people read threads about themselves.

LePetitMaman · 11/04/2025 12:36

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 10/04/2025 13:53

OP. I worry that this thread is so specific, it will be outing and your colleague might hear of it - which would undermine your efforts to find a nice way to tell her.
In your shoes, now that you've had the advice etc... I would ask MN to take it down,.

I think the opposite. If the woman actually reads it, she can see what the world view is, so to speak.

It's very hard to be a victim and get shitty with OP when there are about 400 unbiased people saying she's a CF. Whereas if OP spoke to her without this, CF's first reaction will potentially to double down against OP being unreasonable here.

Hopefully she's read this and realises if she does start acting a div around the workplace because OP won't work around her expectations, that a lot of people will have read this thread and hugely disagree with her behaviour, so she won't get away with the stropping at work now either.

SparklyLeader · 10/04/2025 22:02

You need to tell her "Forgive me if this sounds rude, it is not my intention to insult, merely to inform, this vacation is my me time. If I wanted camping buddies I would already have them. I don't want them. Additionally, I will neither babysit nor entertain this year. Please respect this." If you are not completely straight-forward and crystal clear then you will enjoy the babysitting and the constant company. Either fix it or suffer.

LushLemonTart · 10/04/2025 21:27

@DearDenimEagle puts you off posting anything too outing tbh

Jabtastic · 10/04/2025 21:26

whathaveiforgotten · 08/04/2025 13:12

I didn’t read your post as patronising@SDTGisAnEvilWolefGeniusfor what it’s worth, I thought you were actually standing up for OP and reiterating that it’s not easy for everyone to be abrupt when asserting boundaries. I thought you just sounded like a nice person trying to make her feel a bit less rubbish about the less nice messages she had from others!

I agree. You were extremely gracious in your apology @SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius. I think the OP kicked the cat (or Wolef!) there because of other posters!

Enjoy the festival OP.

DearDenimEagle · 10/04/2025 21:05

LushLemonTart · 10/04/2025 20:44

@DearDenimEagle I thought that would happen.

I think it’s happening ever more often that stuff gets reposted ..Reddit too

LushLemonTart · 10/04/2025 20:44

@DearDenimEagle I thought that would happen.

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