Work colleague has decided to come on holiday with me — again...

It's a lovely image. I don't have a camper van and to various health problems, I couldn't do it solo anyway, but I completely see the appeal of being on your own, but with other people not far away and everybody enjoying peace, solitude and good books, with interesting events to go to. It sounds idyllic.

I agree with a message or a conversation along these lines. I wouldn't put the blinds down though; if they turn up and she and her daughter start knocking or pressing their faces against the window, open door and say politely, 'I don't want company, thank you. See you later,' and close the door firmly.

I also agree with those pointing out that, while she might be trying to come across as a free spirit/just friendly and sociable et cetera, she's actually being very pushy. I think most people realise that bringing round a child at a time when they're likely to be hungry is emotional manipulation. So is constantly asking for help/presenting yourself as a camping novice or idiot – and if she's so rubbish at it and needed so much help last year, why is she doing the same holiday again?

God this would drive me fucking mental!! Glad you're going to talk to her and the colleague - good plan, be strong so you don't give in 🤩

“Hi, hope you have fun at Hay. It’s great isn’t it? This year my focus is going to be on recharging so other than doing the volunteering I’m on my own to recharge those batteries.

If you want to meet up then I’m open to a catch up but I’m afraid this year it’s all about alone time for me. I am sure you understand - we all need that bit do space from time to time.”

Say this and leave it at that. Maybe meet her somewhere for a coffee (no providing her with stuff for her camping) and then let it be known that’s the one and only time.

If she is offended - well that’s her look out. She went initially not knowing you’d be there so presumably she is capable of looking after herself and her daughter.

Say nothing except that someone borrowed your van and a person died in it this year. Say you’re sure it’s haunted/cursed now. Say weird sinister things have been happening every time you use it and also to people who visit it. Speak of it constantly if they still insist on visiting. Act as if totally freaked out. Bet they’ll avoid you then. But at least no bad atmosphere at work later. Sad but necessary in my opinion.

OP, you are being far too generous towards her.
She bulldozed her way into your camper van with her DC every day during your holiday, taking over your limited space, time, hot water, heating, rest time, food, energy and company all without your invitation and without your prior agreement.
Yet you say she isn’t the CF user type, rather she is a happy bubbly type. Seems to me that it’s a subtle type of bullying,- yet you feel sorry for her as she’s on her own. She forced you to host her and her child in your tiny space every day for your week off.

If her tent didn’t meet her needs for warmth, hot water and comfort last year, why is she repeating the experience this year. It’s very probable, that with renewed vigour, she is planning on invading your space against your wishes again. She knows you are too kind to up your objections like last year. You have to meet her determination with much more of your own.

It’s good you plan to tell her, with as much advance warning as possible, that you hope she is all fixed up for improved accommodation and food etc this year as you won’t be able to help her out at all, due to a change of scheduling plans.

No further explanation should be necessary but if she does ask questions, you simply firmly say ‘things are different for me this year with my volunteering position, so yes, I just wanted to let you know that I definitely won’t be available to see you or host you in my camper van this time, not at all.
As a last resort, if she refuses to get the message, you can say ‘I’d prefer not to say if you don't mind’ or ‘personal reasons’ to any unwanted questions. Shut her right down OP. She’s taking the Micky.
Enjoy a lovely peaceful week all to yourself!

Well, hopefully, if she has a better camping set up and knows how to prepare ahead she won't need support this year. Pray for good weather so she doesn't have the excuse of being too cold in her tent and needing to take shelter in your van but she'll probably pop over anyway. A 'Do Not Disturb' sign may be an idea but if she sees you through the window she may still knock or shout!

She probably does think she's doing you a favour offering companionship to a 'lonely' woman and if she's hyper sociable she may not get the desire for time to yourself. All you can do is put her straight on that.

She may already have looked at the programme of events and considered you babysitting again so that would be my main concern. You need to be clear upfront about not being available for that.

Definitely

The bigger problem you might have OP is that all of us women of a certain age reading love your idea so much that you might have 50 of us around you this year. You have described a week of absolute perfection, being on your own in the cosy van and even better, at a literary festival.

I would make up a wee white lie like you’ve promised to read 12 books this week or write x number of words of your own. That way when you see her you can always be friendly and chat for five minutes but then say “sorry, must get back to my reading/writing”.

Fair enough, I’ll take that. In my defense though, it did seem to me that the OP struggled to say an outright ‘no’.

I think you need to be clear beforehand that you are looking forward to alone time at the festival & that’s why you don’t invite friends or family along
Then order/make a lovely sign for outside the van… “Please do not disturb”. Hang the sign up every time you enter your van.
Hope you have a lovely time.

You'll feel so much better once you've spoken to her, even if she doesn't take it well. There's less need to lie than there is to adapt your own plans. Once you've done it once, told her once, either she gets the message or you've got 'as I said' to fall back on. The truth isn't rude.

I have said similar to people myself. I need my downtime and alone time, I f I haven’t got my kids, I don’t want yours!
people might baulk at it but i don’t want their good time to be at the expense of mine.
im neurodivergent and I’ve learned that I have to blunt in order not to be walked over, people misconstrue or seem to misconstrue my signals unless I lay it out explicitly

Yeah this exactly what I’m talking about. The OP politely explains that she thinks people are getting the wrong end of the stick and unfairly maligning the other party and this is the response!

I’m glad the OP isn’t going along with it.

Why should OP ruin her holiday for these scroungers?

then spend more time outside the van and have early nights.

I just don't see why it should be part of the solution for OP to restrict her routine in any way, either to accommodate or to avoid this pair. This is why I chafe at the 'move campsite' suggestions. It's really clear OP likes this site and has things set up perfectly for her. As long as she sets clear expectations from the off - from right now ideally - then she should be free to keep enjoying her time there without having to move sites or feeling on pins in case they might call around.

They project their own situations which doesn’t help,

"Mumsnet has a way of encouraging people to torch relationships and stomp the embers under their feet in a way that just isn’t necessary in real life."

Doesn't it just...lol.
Easy advice to offer to a stranger.

This is a good response.

yup you're going to have to get tougher when she pushes through boundaries again.

Unpick what happened last year and think how you could have avoided "having to" offer/tolerate/wait until they decide to bugger off all on their own. You didn't have to offer to feed them both just because a 7 year old watched you boil some pasta. Her mother would have fed her. When I camp for 3 nights I never take 3x as much food as I need - I just wouldn't have it with me. You think that you are being needed when no, you are just being used. And the worst of it was they didn't even ask you, you offered. Maybe because you felt you had to, but next time resist this feeling. Y'know the thing in a sales negotiation where it's important to just be quiet and let the silence hang? That is what she has done to you over and over. It works until you decide you're going to stop falling for it.

Buying the comedy ticket and expecting you to babysit was way beyond being thick skinned. I think you should use that as a specific example and tell her you did not appreciate that and felt completely taken for granted. i know you'd rather not but it might actually get through to her that you are not a doormat.

I can absolutely see how this has happened if she’s a friendly and outgoing person who is used to being around people all the time.

A weeks holiday in my own would be my worst nightmare. I’m jealous that you can enjoy it! If I went to any event like that by myself it would be because none of my friends were interested and I still wanted to go, and I’d be quite lonely! Single mums are more aware of loneliness too so it’s probably that.

For that reason I don’t think some of the heavy handed responses on this thread are needed. You just need to gently say ‘actually I’d quite like some time to read this book I’ve just bought, are around tomorrow at x and we can grab a coffee on the way to y?’

Mumsnet has a way of encouraging people to torch relationships and stomp the embers under their feet in a way that just isn’t necessary in real life.

Ooh is it the Hay festival

"But they'd knock at around 8am to see if I had any spare hot water and then come in and wait while the kettle boiled and eye up my toast or cereal and only leave when I had to go off on volunteering duty. And often when I got back in the early afternoon they'd pop over for a chat to show me what they'd been doing in the morning, and the child would ask for some juice or squash... And then back again around 6pm."

Knocking at 8am! - surely you could say you're not ready for visitors at that time / make it clear you don't need them there while you're getting ready to go out. They should be boiling their own kettle.
And don't have juice / squash on offer.

It doesn't matter why this woman is doing this, whether or not she qualifies for the term CF, it's OP's needs and feelings that count here.

OP has managed to carve herself out a blissful week doing what's important to her and this needs to be preserved and at minimum cost to herself.

It's probably best to be honest, OP, and to be so now by letting this colleague know the motivations for your week at the festival and make it crystal clear that you aren't there alone because you're Billy No Mates who longs to entertain visitors in her camper van, but because it's your actual, positive choice.