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Work colleague has decided to come on holiday with me — again...

843 replies

Craquedechevalier · 05/04/2025 11:39

I work in a school (admin, not teaching). Every year for the last 11 years, I've been away on my own over the summer half-term to attend a big literary festival. My DH and DC have never wanted to come. Both children are now in their 20s.

I register as a volunteer for the festival, book a campsite for a week, do my volunteering duties and attend events at the festival, read, sleep lots, eat what I want and do some work remotely. I have several friends who do similar. It's my 'me' week and I look forward to it very much. Several people at work know what I do and occasionally they turn up at the festival for a day or two. We bump into each other at the festival site, have a coffee — not a problem.

Last year I arrived on the campsite and was setting the van up when someone banged on the window. It was a colleague with her 7-year-old daughter, asking for help to put their tent up. They were camping on the same site in a tent for the week. I helped out, reluctantly. Then they wanted to come in and join me in the van because there was a chilly wind and they were cold. I made them drinks, they poked around the van and didn't seem to want to leave. It went on like that. The weather wasn't great and whenever I was in the van they'd come round and expect to sit with me in the warm or have hot drinks or a meal. They had a car and went out sometimes during the day, but never brought back a takeaway or food to help out. I felt under pressure to host them and so ended up avoiding the van as much as possible. One evening my colleague asked me to look after her daughter while she attended a comedy gig at the festival. She'd already bought a ticket: I didn't feel as if I could say no. I felt as if I'd lost all my down time to looking after them.

They left a day early, which was a relief: they weren't prepared for the reality of camping and from what my colleague said in the weeks afterwards, she had no intention of going back again. Yesterday afternoon I bumped into her in the corridor and she announced that she'd bought a better tent and mattress and thermal leggings and she and her daughter were booked again. Same campsite as me. 'We can hang out like last year' she said.

I'm already booked into the campsite and on the volunteer rota, so I'm committed. How can I politely say that they spoiled last year's break for me, and I'm not doing it again?

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Justkeepingplatesspinning · 23/05/2025 14:53

Hope you're having/had a great weekend!

Willaibu · 23/05/2025 10:00

I'm here for the Hay feedback -
which talks were unexpectedly good?
Which books do you newly feel inspired to read?
And who wouldn't you pay good money to see?

SailingOnAWave · 23/05/2025 09:15

HopingForTheBest25 · 11/05/2025 14:51

@Craquedechevalieryou are really rude - I'm honestly doubting whether this thread is real as I can't see why your colleague would want to spend time with you!

I agree with this, shocking response.

SailingOnAWave · 23/05/2025 09:14

Craquedechevalier · 11/05/2025 08:38

Have you ever heard of Google?

I was only sharing an interest in your thread and wondering when it actually was.

I do hope on your behalf that journalists from the gutter press who have been following this story aren't going to hunt you down. You haven't been discreet enough with details I'm afraid.

Cherrysoup · 11/05/2025 17:21

Oh laws, now you’ll have her and her ds and her ds’ kids popping in! 🤣

Ilikeadrink14 · 11/05/2025 17:16

keswickgirl · 05/04/2025 12:15

Can you book at a different campsite?
Even if you end up losing money, I’d do it in this situation. And if she is offended / asks why, you can give the “I need time to myself to recharge” line.

Why should she be the one having to be put out?

WaitWhatWhatWait · 11/05/2025 16:53

HopingForTheBest25 · 11/05/2025 14:51

@Craquedechevalieryou are really rude - I'm honestly doubting whether this thread is real as I can't see why your colleague would want to spend time with you!

I think you're the rude one @HopingForTheBest25.
Op has said numerous times what/ where the festival is.
But it seems the way of the world these days that people want to be spoon-fed, and can't be arsed to read anything/ look up anything themselves.

Craquedechevalier · 11/05/2025 16:33

I've linked to the festival pages, I've mentioned Hay in a number of my responses. If you're too lazy to read through a few pages, or my posts...

OP posts:
Hillsaremyhappyplace · 11/05/2025 16:19

HopingForTheBest25 · 11/05/2025 14:51

@Craquedechevalieryou are really rude - I'm honestly doubting whether this thread is real as I can't see why your colleague would want to spend time with you!

Now that is rude.

I think @Craquedechevalier sounds rather fabulous.

NeedToAskPlease · 11/05/2025 16:14

Well. .. it's not exactly difficult to Google Hay Festival is it????

HopingForTheBest25 · 11/05/2025 14:51

@Craquedechevalieryou are really rude - I'm honestly doubting whether this thread is real as I can't see why your colleague would want to spend time with you!

Craquedechevalier · 11/05/2025 08:38

Have you ever heard of Google?

OP posts:
SailingOnAWave · 10/05/2025 23:11

When does this event actually happen?

Vibgyor · 07/05/2025 08:53

@HopingForTheBest25 you didn’t refresh your page for an entire month?!

Craquedechevalier · 07/05/2025 08:29

Aye, right.

OP posts:
HopingForTheBest25 · 07/05/2025 06:43

@Craquedechevalierbit rude - sometimes posters get distracted and forget to refresh the page before posting. Shame you couldn't find your inner snippiness last year!

Plumedenom · 06/05/2025 06:50

Azureshores · 02/05/2025 10:06

I DREAM of taking off on my own for a few days (dh and 5 dc's!)

Extrovert/sociable people don't understand the need for alone time sometimes. Great update - enjoy your peace and quiet (and naps).

I am a big extrovert but would still love five days on my own doing my own thing without answering to anyone. So glad this worked out. I was feeling frustrated for you!

AgitatedGoose · 05/05/2025 22:08

I’ve always been very independent and have gone camping on my own a lot and have never had any comments or concern from others about being alone.

LittleBigHead · 05/05/2025 20:24

I'm sure that in most cases this concern is well-meant. However, it's also extremely frustrating. I wonder how many of these people would have put the same question to a man?

Well, quite @SerafinasGoose

WaitWhatWhatWait · 05/05/2025 19:22

Glad all was resolved amicably. Enjoy the festival 📚 📖 😊

Craquedechevalier · 05/05/2025 18:41

I don't think failing to read anything but the OP of a 33-page long, weeks-old thread is technically classified as cross-posting, is it?

OP posts:
HopingForTheBest25 · 05/05/2025 14:39

Oops, cross posted

HopingForTheBest25 · 05/05/2025 14:38

It is cheeky fucker behaviour to assume that person who has deliberately booked a week away without their own children, wants to spend time babysitting someone else's!
And to buy a ticket before even asking you - how else would you see that, if not as CF behaviour?

You do need to man up though and say no. Just do as pp have suggested and say that you have plans/have calls to make/are working. And move to a different campsite if possible and not tell her!

SerafinasGoose · 05/05/2025 13:34

Craquedechevalier · 03/05/2025 11:24

As well as my week at Hay I fairly often take off in the camper van for a few days during the holidays, now that the offspring aren't around. When I roll up at campsites (I prefer small, out of the way places) I'm often asked by concerned owners whether I'm okay on my own. To all of them I say that I'm here for total peace and quiet on my own to finish my PhD thesis or I'm here in one last desperate attempt to finish writing/ editing a book that's due with the publisher. They leave me well alone after that, although I did have one owner chide me for wasting precious time I could have spent working when he caught me heading off for a walk.

I'm sure that in most cases this concern is well-meant. However, it's also extremely frustrating. I wonder how many of these people would have put the same question to a man?

StarsNotAligned · 05/05/2025 11:57

SailingOnAWave · 05/05/2025 10:24

Omg I went for a few days by myself in the mountains in another country. On arrival I posted greeting from and stuck on Facebook. My Facebook went mad... Are you alone? Are you alone? Are you alone?... I'm like I'm bloody nearly 50 I think I know how to survive.

Why is there a stigma with going solo?

How annoying. No posting next time.

I sometimes used to book an annual leave day and not tell anyone for just that reason.

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