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AIBU?

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Stock markets, inheritance, i don't understand

258 replies

Vlinty · 05/04/2025 10:55

My mother died in 2024 and father this March. Years before they had made me power of attorney (because my husband works in finance he is a lawyer, so could help me. I am clueless and they knew this.)

After mum died, my DH took over, because my dad had dementia.

He changed a lot of their funds over to higher risk , their financial advisor told me they had always wanted low risk.

We sold the house and dh got me to invest with another fund manager. Take the money out of ns&I as well.

So some money with new advisor, some with old advisor but all higher risk than my parents had it

Now this morning he has told me that everything is down 25%.... obviously because the markets have plummeted following trump's tariffs.

I am so distraught, I have 2 siblings who will want their share of the money. I'm really angry with dh and he now won't talk to mr because I'm panicking and he won't help me - just says I won't listen. When it is him who will not answer a straight question.

Please help me calm down.

OP posts:
daleylama · 06/04/2025 23:51

Vlinty · 05/04/2025 22:03

I know i think we were planning to pay sone mortgage off and my brothers also wanted cash

You can still take it uncrystallised, wait for market recovery, then cash up / pay off mortgage. Your DH has been very cavalier- far too common an attitude amongst amateur investors when ego is involved. My sister decimated the money bequested by Mum to her (sister's) sons b/cos she fancied herself a day trader.

caringcarer · 06/04/2025 23:15

LiquoriceAllsorts2 · 06/04/2025 22:52

But it might have increased before it decreased.

Over the last month investment has gone down.

LiquoriceAllsorts2 · 06/04/2025 22:52

caringcarer · 06/04/2025 22:32

If they've reinvested the money away from safe investment like gilts it will have lost money over last week. My pension is down ££4k in 3 days.

But it might have increased before it decreased.

Negroany · 06/04/2025 22:40

Letsgflyakite · 06/04/2025 05:27

That’s not correct - the tax value crystallises at date of death.

Yes, as I said on an earlier post. But it's still only relevant if they're due to pay any anyway. Only 6% of estates are liable for IHT, but 99% of people seem to think the will pay it!

Gardengirl108 · 06/04/2025 22:32

SunsetCocktails · 05/04/2025 11:13

I agree about misusing your power of attorney.

im confused though. If your dad has only just died then how have you sold the house already?

OP’s father may not have been living in the property that’s been sold, he may have been living in a care home.

caringcarer · 06/04/2025 22:32

LiquoriceAllsorts2 · 06/04/2025 22:24

But we don’t even know that there has been a net loss. The op hasn’t given that info

If they've reinvested the money away from safe investment like gilts it will have lost money over last week. My pension is down ££4k in 3 days.

LiquoriceAllsorts2 · 06/04/2025 22:24

caringcarer · 06/04/2025 19:45

If your Dad only died in March and it's only April now I don't understand why you didn't just leave the investments where they were until the house was sold affairs settled and the money divided as per their will. If you have moved the money and allowed your DH to invest it I think you should make up the shortfall to your siblings from your share so they won't be worse off due to your high risk living DH. You have hugely overstepped in the role of executor. When my Mum died and I was executor I left everything invested as she had it until it could be sold and money divided with siblings.

But we don’t even know that there has been a net loss. The op hasn’t given that info

LiquoriceAllsorts2 · 06/04/2025 22:23

Hoppinggreen · 06/04/2025 18:29

An elderly man with a POA is not someone who should have his money in a high risk investment, it should have been in a very low to nil risk vehicle, especially since it wasn't being invested for income I am assuming?
With regards to shares the markets are really low and anyone who has any idea sold a few weeks ago and are now waiting to get back in.

Well they couldn’t be sold a few weeks ago, nothing can happen with them right now

LiquoriceAllsorts2 · 06/04/2025 22:22

Cosyblankets · 06/04/2025 18:02

Whose name are the shares in? If they're in your dad's name and he's died don't you get the value on the day that he died? Maybe I'm wrong but that's my understanding

No they aren’t sold on the day he dies

Hoppinggreen · 06/04/2025 21:39

Jumpers4goalposts · 06/04/2025 21:26

I don’t understand how your DH invested your DF’s money when he was not POA? And if this was after your DF died why was he investing the beneficiaries of the will’s money?

I think OP's H invested her fathers money after her mother died using her POA.
Now her father has died as well so all the money has to be distributed but some of what was presumably her Mums money but left to her father was invested high risk and its gone.

Jumpers4goalposts · 06/04/2025 21:26

I don’t understand how your DH invested your DF’s money when he was not POA? And if this was after your DF died why was he investing the beneficiaries of the will’s money?

caringcarer · 06/04/2025 19:45

If your Dad only died in March and it's only April now I don't understand why you didn't just leave the investments where they were until the house was sold affairs settled and the money divided as per their will. If you have moved the money and allowed your DH to invest it I think you should make up the shortfall to your siblings from your share so they won't be worse off due to your high risk living DH. You have hugely overstepped in the role of executor. When my Mum died and I was executor I left everything invested as she had it until it could be sold and money divided with siblings.

Cosyblankets · 06/04/2025 19:28

ShanghaiDiva · 06/04/2025 18:25

The value on the day he died is used for the probate forms, but clearly between date of death and probate being granted they can increase or decrease in value.

But other posters are saying sit tight .
That was my point

Hoppinggreen · 06/04/2025 18:52

It is if the money was supposed to be invested low risk

anon666 · 06/04/2025 18:50

It's Donald Trump and his chaos. Not your dh's fault.

Even low risk stocks and shares are down.

Hoppinggreen · 06/04/2025 18:29

An elderly man with a POA is not someone who should have his money in a high risk investment, it should have been in a very low to nil risk vehicle, especially since it wasn't being invested for income I am assuming?
With regards to shares the markets are really low and anyone who has any idea sold a few weeks ago and are now waiting to get back in.

ShanghaiDiva · 06/04/2025 18:25

Cosyblankets · 06/04/2025 18:02

Whose name are the shares in? If they're in your dad's name and he's died don't you get the value on the day that he died? Maybe I'm wrong but that's my understanding

The value on the day he died is used for the probate forms, but clearly between date of death and probate being granted they can increase or decrease in value.

Fogey · 06/04/2025 18:13

Did DH have power of attorney with you when your dad was still alive? Was he investing your dad’s money before he died?

Cosyblankets · 06/04/2025 18:02

Whose name are the shares in? If they're in your dad's name and he's died don't you get the value on the day that he died? Maybe I'm wrong but that's my understanding

DeedsNotDiddums · 06/04/2025 17:58

There's no reason why a lawyer would have a better understanding of investing. I'd urge you to educate yourself- you could start with Money saving Expert- and use your own wherewithal instead of only relying on dh.

LittleBearPad · 06/04/2025 12:44

Topseyt123 · 06/04/2025 11:13

I know people will suggest that they might be as poor as church mice, but I doubt it. They just want to prove that their terrible advice is correct when it isn't.

I've been on the bones of my arse before and still wouldn't sell an investment under the current circumstances. It would be foolhardy.

The current tumble in the markets doesn't mean that all investments are unwise and should be sold off. Nor does it mean that OP's DH made bad investments and should pay compensation to her or her potentially equally clueless siblings.

It means sit tight for now. You can still divide the portions of the investments three ways and wait for it to come back. Buy more if you can afford it, but at least sit tight and wait. Simple.

The siblings (and OP) can have their cash if they wish because they can sell their own portions of the investments once they have them. That would be very foolish though.

Edited

But at least some of the money was in NS&I. That wouldn’t have fallen at all. It might not have grown as much but it was safe as it could be.

To have moved everything out, to have sold the house and to have invested all the money contrary to the FIL’s own wishes, whilst he was still alive, wasn’t ok. Now OP has to have some fairly difficult conversations with her siblings because her husband thought he was savvier than he was.

Topseyt123 · 06/04/2025 11:13

LittleBearPad · 06/04/2025 10:59

Assuming they can wait to sell. You have no idea if the siblings would prefer or need cash.

I know people will suggest that they might be as poor as church mice, but I doubt it. They just want to prove that their terrible advice is correct when it isn't.

I've been on the bones of my arse before and still wouldn't sell an investment under the current circumstances. It would be foolhardy.

The current tumble in the markets doesn't mean that all investments are unwise and should be sold off. Nor does it mean that OP's DH made bad investments and should pay compensation to her or her potentially equally clueless siblings.

It means sit tight for now. You can still divide the portions of the investments three ways and wait for it to come back. Buy more if you can afford it, but at least sit tight and wait. Simple.

The siblings (and OP) can have their cash if they wish because they can sell their own portions of the investments once they have them. That would be very foolish though.

FairKoala · 06/04/2025 11:10

LittleBearPad · 06/04/2025 10:59

Assuming they can wait to sell. You have no idea if the siblings would prefer or need cash.

Then that is up to them.

TBH 25% down is a pretty large fall but you have to look at the “low risk” investments your father had his portfolio in and look at how much they have fallen over the last week.

Then it might not look as bad.

Tried to convince DS to cash out pre tariff announcement but he held and lost around 10% of his investments and he was in a super low risk fund

LittleBearPad · 06/04/2025 10:59

Topseyt123 · 06/04/2025 09:51

Another voice of reason.

There is no need to sell the investments. Just divvy them up equally between the three siblings and then wait it out. Things will recover eventually and then you will be glad that you didn't panic sell.

Executor or not, nobody should sue you. If you divvy it up equally then they will get their share. They just have to have the good sense to wait for market recovery.

Assuming they can wait to sell. You have no idea if the siblings would prefer or need cash.

Topseyt123 · 06/04/2025 10:54

@SophieAnt Exactly.

I am absolutely seeing why OP's parents asked her husband to manage their finances. OP is a panicker and has no clue, and maybe the other siblings are similar.

I agree with you too that now is a time to actually buy stocks and shares if you can even if there might yet be further to fall. Buy while the units are relatively cheap. Take a longer term view and then sell when they have risen. It's not rocket science but you need to hold your nerve and people do panic far too easily.

I feel a bit sorry for OP's DH. He did what was asked of him by her parents and did nothing wrong but now he is incurring her badly misplaced wrath.