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AIBU?

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Original poster

Have you ever used another number to try and get in touch with a friend?

27 replies

ThatGreyReader · 05/04/2025 09:27

Bit of a strange one, I know. But say a friend suddenly stops replying - no argument, no falling out, just silence. You’re left wondering if something happened or if you’ve done something wrong… and eventually, curiosity (or worry) gets the better of you.

Have you ever used a different number - even just once - to try and get a reply? Not to harass, not to chase endlessly… just to know.

AIBU to think that sometimes, especially when things are left unexplained, it’s human to want closure - even if it means stepping slightly outside the “etiquette” box?

OP posts:
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stargazer02 · 05/04/2025 10:25

If concerned for their welfare, and they didn't have family nearby who would notice an issue, I would.
If I just wanted closure on potential ghosting I'd work on letting it go.

Latenightreader · 05/04/2025 10:23

No, but I tried different routes. It was the early days of mass mobile use when it wasn't so easy to keep your number. She didn't use email, and didn't use her phone much - could have changed it. Some months after she cut contact with everyone I sent a Christmas card via her parents and put a card for them too as they had been lovely to me all through our teens and I usually sent a card. I just said I hoped they were all well. In the card to my friend I said that it would be good to hear from her and gave her my current contact details. Never heard back from any of them. A few years later I came across her younger brother who we used to take out with us when he was 12ish and we were late teens. We exchanged a few emails catching up, then I mentioned his sister and he went silent. I still don't know what went on, but it bothered me that something had happened to her. However, I didn't try again. I would never try to force contact by using a different number to trick her into answering.

A few years ago a mutual friend came across her bio on her work page (they are in connected industries). I was so tempted to get in touch but it didn't feel right.

SuperTrooper14 · 05/04/2025 10:22

SedumRoof · 05/04/2025 10:07

I didn’t ‘make any of it up in my head’. Perhaps you aren’t that poster, but there is a regular poster on here who posts frequently about communication issues in a friendship where she wanted more regular meetings and texts, the friend clearly felt crowded, and expressed a need for more space which the OP didn’t respect, so the friend blocked her. Her most recent post was about having phoned the friend from someone else’s number to trick her into accepting the call. In her case, the friend hung up. Which I think is your answer. She was quite aggrieved about her friend hanging up, though.

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I also thought of that poster! The way this OP is written feels very similar in tone and question.

Goody2ShoesAndTheFilthyBeast · 05/04/2025 10:22

SedumRoof · 05/04/2025 10:07

I didn’t ‘make any of it up in my head’. Perhaps you aren’t that poster, but there is a regular poster on here who posts frequently about communication issues in a friendship where she wanted more regular meetings and texts, the friend clearly felt crowded, and expressed a need for more space which the OP didn’t respect, so the friend blocked her. Her most recent post was about having phoned the friend from someone else’s number to trick her into accepting the call. In her case, the friend hung up. Which I think is your answer. She was quite aggrieved about her friend hanging up, though.

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Yes, I remember that poster. Full on stalker behaviour and mindset that one was.

Cucy · 05/04/2025 10:22

No never.

If I was worried then I’d check their SM, ask a mutual friend or even consider a welfare check.

But I would never use a different number or do anything that was misleading.

Goody2ShoesAndTheFilthyBeast · 05/04/2025 10:21

No.
If a friend stopped wanting to interact with me I would take the hint, delete their info and move on with my life.

BlondiePortz · 05/04/2025 10:19

No, if i don't change my number they would know where to find me

Why does it seem poster's on here put their self respect on a boat and let it sail away

Shinyandnew1 · 05/04/2025 10:18

What do you mean by 'another number'?

If you mean that they've not answer you on their mobile so you are going to try them on their home phone, then ok.

AnotherHappyCamper · 05/04/2025 10:17

No, don't do that.

Leave it well alone.

(I also thought you were that poster)

mumofoneAlonebutokay · 05/04/2025 10:15

I understand your being upset but no girl, this will make you look insane xx

SedumRoof · 05/04/2025 10:07

ThatGreyReader · 05/04/2025 09:41

Wait, what? No one has hung up on me? What the hell? I have never done this before?

Wow, nothing has happened like the story you’ve made up in your head. My post is exactly what the situation is.

I think you spend too much time on here

Show quote history

I didn’t ‘make any of it up in my head’. Perhaps you aren’t that poster, but there is a regular poster on here who posts frequently about communication issues in a friendship where she wanted more regular meetings and texts, the friend clearly felt crowded, and expressed a need for more space which the OP didn’t respect, so the friend blocked her. Her most recent post was about having phoned the friend from someone else’s number to trick her into accepting the call. In her case, the friend hung up. Which I think is your answer. She was quite aggrieved about her friend hanging up, though.

nessiesnotreal · 05/04/2025 10:07

SedumRoof · 05/04/2025 09:38

If you are the poster I suspect you are, no, it’s an underhand thing to do, to trick someone who has made it very clear she wants no further contact with you — as you will know, because you already did this, and she hung up on you.

I thought it was 'that poster' too. Soon as I saw the post. 🙄

frenchnoodle · 05/04/2025 10:05

No. This isn't a good thing to do.

SunsetCocktails · 05/04/2025 10:04

SedumRoof · 05/04/2025 09:38

If you are the poster I suspect you are, no, it’s an underhand thing to do, to trick someone who has made it very clear she wants no further contact with you — as you will know, because you already did this, and she hung up on you.

I thought it was that poster too, but obviously not.
OP don’t do this. If they don’t want you to get in touch then respect the decision and move on, however hard that may be.

Youaremythtaken · 05/04/2025 10:03

Nope. You're not going to get closure by tricking someone into speaking to you. I'd say using a different number goes beyond 'stepping outside the etiquette box' it's sneaky and intrusive.

skippy67 · 05/04/2025 10:01

No, because if they wanted to hear from me, they'd call me.

Floatlikeafeather2 · 05/04/2025 09:43

If I was not replying to you, for whatever reason, and you did that to me, it would more or less guarantee that you wouldn't hear from me again. Send another message saying "Are you ok?" and leave it at that. It's not your right to know, however wrong you think their behaviour is.

Hoardasurass · 05/04/2025 09:42

Whilst it maybe tempting to do so it would be a bad idea @ThatGreyReader this person doesn't want to know you anymore so for your own sanity you need to let them go. If you feel the need to talk things through then get a therapist but leave this poor person alone

DisplayPurposesOnly · 05/04/2025 09:42

I've been ghosted by two (formerly good) friends. I don't know why but I assume they have their reasons and left them to it.

I'm mildly curious as to why but, whatever that reason is, it's not something I can change.

Original poster
ThatGreyReader · 05/04/2025 09:41

SedumRoof · 05/04/2025 09:38

If you are the poster I suspect you are, no, it’s an underhand thing to do, to trick someone who has made it very clear she wants no further contact with you — as you will know, because you already did this, and she hung up on you.

Wait, what? No one has hung up on me? What the hell? I have never done this before?

Wow, nothing has happened like the story you’ve made up in your head. My post is exactly what the situation is.

I think you spend too much time on here

OP posts:
SedumRoof · 05/04/2025 09:38

If you are the poster I suspect you are, no, it’s an underhand thing to do, to trick someone who has made it very clear she wants no further contact with you — as you will know, because you already did this, and she hung up on you.

cakeandteaandcake · 05/04/2025 09:36

BeaAndBen · 05/04/2025 09:34

No, because I’m not a psychopath nor a stalker

This.

Not healthy behaviour, not remotely.

SedumRoof · 05/04/2025 09:35

You again?

BitOutOfPractice · 05/04/2025 09:35

No. Is there a mutual friend you could ask if they are ok? I can understand you wanting to know but it does seem a bit much.

pinkdelight · 05/04/2025 09:35

I don't see what difference it would make as it's still you writing the message or leaving the voicenote. If you were actually intending to call then many people don't answer calls from unknown numbers and would let it go to voicemail anyway. It's a wee bit on the nutty side too tbh, trying to catch them out, when nothing's actually happened. Can't you go and see them IRL? Or write a letter?

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