Added extras on day out cost - ask first!!!

I'd be inclined to say 'I've got a budget that has to cover everything we do in the holidays, so please let me know first if you want to book any extras.'

NT and English Heritage are both very expensive and beyond the means of many families which is why they are sadly v much a middle class domain.

If your aunt didn’t explicitly offer to treat you to the day out, you were right to assume you’d be paying for your family, but it was a bit thoughtless of her to book an additional activity without checking with you, unless she was going to make that her treat. I would never add on an extra expense for someone else without checking with them first or I would say: “I’ve booked us all on the mini train too, but that’s my treat, so you just need to pay your entrance fees.”

It would be awkward for you to say anything now, but for future reference, when anyone invites you to activities, just be upfront and say you’ll have a look at the cost and let them know, to give them a heads-up that you’re on a budget.

If I were you, I’d message your aunt now though to suggest you all bring a picnic to enjoy on the day and avoid paying hefty NT cafe prices. A picnic is much more fun for children anyway and should be enjoyable for everyone if the weather is nice. If she doesn’t like that idea, just say that you’re going to bring food for yourselves anyway. You and your children can always eat home-made sandwiches al fresco even if your aunt’s family want to go and pay £12 for quiche and salad in the cafe!

Just wanted to add that the National Trust often have free family ticket coupons in various newspapers. Might come in handy for you Op, hope you have a lovely visit

I would be honest and say sorry the train is not in my very strict budget, I just can’t afford it, can you see if you can get a refund please and we will just do the gardens

unless you are prepared to treat you should not buy extras

Can you get your ticket money back if you take out NT membership on the day? It’s around £7.50 a month for a household and you get free entry to all NT places.

As @fairylizsaid, if I invited someone I would pay for them. But please, don't ever be embarrassed about lack of money. You're staying within your means, and that's quite a skill in my opinion.

Please don’t feel like this; we need people to be more open and honest about finances to avoid situations where people overspend. We need to be able to say no I can’t afford this so people are not pressured into spending money they don’t have.
She is the one who should be embarrassed. I’m retired and comfortable; if I invite younger relatives who invariably have less money than me to do something then I pay.

I would say in advance you are going to take a packed lunch , as costs have gone up and money is a bit tight, food and drink can be quite pricey .

straight talking: you MUST get used to this. Have the "uncomfortable" talk upfront about what you can afford and what you cannot afford. Don't do that British thing where you dance around it with "not interesting" etc. Say the words "limited budget"

Because what is more uncomfortable, having that quick conversation first, or having to rebudget and miss out on (Potentially important) things later?

It would have been cheaper for you to have bought the annual family membership at £13 pcm. This way you could have gone to several NT houses over the years & made your money back.

I think it’s a great opportunity to point out to your aunt that you are usually budgeting. You might end up in more tricky situations with her in front of children as she might suggest something else for this trip or for the future.
Nothing wrong with budgeting - it’s an a sign of a responsible adult. So I would call to the place and ask if tickets were possible to refund and then if yes, txt your aunt that you were budgeting for X so could she please refund tickets.
This conversation is only difficult first time but luckily you only need it once - afterwards people get the hint.
If she offered to pay I would say yes. It’s not my style but sometimes people need a lesson in a way to remember for the future.

I don’t really want to admit this extra cost is an issue for me, I suppose I’m quite private about my finances

That's only natural, @AllYouNeedIsGloves, though while I agree she was wrong not to check with you she'll probably go right on doing it unless something's said

So unless you'd prefer to avoid outings with her, could you perhaps say you've had some major expenses recently and that this is one too far?

Totally get it that you don’t want to say that but who’s going to lose out for your ego - your kids. Hey DA on reflection can we cancel the train as I’ve got to budget for 2-weeks of activities. Done.

Will there be ice creams/cafe on top, and can you stretch to that too?

It sounds like it could have been crossed wires and she doesn't even think she has added an extra.

I wish you did feel able to say something, even if it's pay her now and say to her quietly on the day that it was a bit of a stretch with the extra and could she check with you first next time. Or failing that, insist on getting the tickets yourself next time.You shouldn't have to feel embarrassed, so many of us have to be really careful especially in school hols.

Sorry I can't believe some of the comments on here. No one should buy extras without checking or demand the money for the not pre agreed costs.

OP just be honest and ask if you can pay it back next month as you had only budgetted for the gardens.

YANBU it's annoying

We are NT members so that makes a visit worth it but they are never worth the costs they charge for a single visit (the point of a membership obvs)

I love the National Trust but agree it’s expensive. But rather than pay over the odds to get in at Easter, you could get annual membership and pay by direct debit for approx £12 per month for a family (which gives great value for money over the year if you use it regularly)

I’m reluctant to speak up as it’s embarrassing to admit I don’t have the budget for it, she’d probably offer to pay which would make me feel bad. I don’t really want to admit this extra cost is an issue for me, I suppose I’m quite private about my finances. Maybe too proud I don’t know but it makes me feel grim thinking about telling her that.

It isn't embarrassing. You have young children and you're renting or paying a mortgage, the cost of living has gone through the roof, you're possibly not that far along in your career yet etc.
It's normal that you'd have to budget carefully. It's a lot of money to spend on a day out.

If she does offer to pay then good, she shouldn't have booked the extras without asking you first.

Going forward you do need to be firmer with her about things like this. Just say you can't afford it so can we go somewhere cheaper instead, such as a local park with a picnic.
If you never tell her that you are on a budget then she'll keep doing things like this.

I think she’s got a nerve by buying the train tickets without running it past you and asking you for the money.

I would say that the whole day is going to blow your Easter holiday budget and you don’t want to take them on the train.

Its completely normal for people to invite others on paid activities and it's not paying to be company

If the conversation goes " hi we are going to x house do you fancy joining us"

Its in no way rude. The agreement was always to go to the national trust place, that was already agreed to. If your kids weren't up for the national trust then you'd decline at the start

Are you sure Aunt doesn’t think the outing is her treat?

I wouldn't be asking about a refund for the train. I don't know anywhere like this where you could get that refunded so it's a pointless ask that will only cause bad feeling.