My feminism has made me bitter

Yes, I used to watch my ex in his online meetings (WFH) and how supportive and encouraging he was of new young female colleagues to the workplace. Considered a great ally. Saying all the right things at women in leadership sessions.

But at home he was sexist and saw women as a means to serve him.

Better to be angry and challenging misogyny than blind, accepting and passive.

It really is everywhere. Men expecting to be given way on the pavement, in supermarket aisles, on the roads, in the car park, at work.

I try to be aware and stand my ground, but I often just move so I can get to where I’m going, which the men take as their rightful due.

And then at home they have to be pushed to do their share.

Your mistake is thinking some men are allies. There aren't any and I'm suspicious of those who say they are.

I've been single for 13 years and don't feel bitter - not sure if the two are correlated!

ThEre seems to be a risk with the growing awareness - that you feel increasingly helpless - but you aren't, you are resilient and strong.

I'm not saying the system doesn't need to change but it changes through - policy calls to action, awareness raising, speaking up, sharing experiences and supporting each other.

I think my son has picked up on this (11) and I'm happy he doesn't identify with his dad because he tells me he doesn't want to have children because it's so much work😅. Rather have him realising this early so that if he does have children one day he knows what's at stake.

Fucking hell. A woman posts about her feminist awakening and is told that her wording somehow plays into the hands of the incels.

How about not putting the responsibility of how a group of dysfunctional men behave on the shoulders of a woman? How about not policing her language to appease the men?

(I get you, OP.)

It’s one of those things that once you see it, not only you can’t unsee it, but you notice it everywhere. That’s because it is everywhere, in many forms you just don’t have the rose tinted glasses of “it’s just banter”, “boys will be boys”, “it’s a compliment “ and all the other bullshit excuses and minimising.

I already know that if anything happens to OH, no other man will ever darken my doorstep again.

About half the threads on MN have poorly chosen words in the title that you need to read the OP to understand what is actually meant. She agrees it was wrong.

Let's engage with the actual point of the thread rather than prolonging discussion about the thread title.

Wow, thanks for explaining that to me. My poor little middle-aged feminist brain couldn’t grasp that.

My problem is not with the OP’s situation - I understand it and sympathise. It’s with the title, which implies the problem is feminism, not misogyny.

I'm so relieved to have sons tbh because it's so hard to be a woman. It's easier to be equals without children though because once you got children they become more important than fighting for equal rights: you know that if you don't do it noone else will and in the end it's the kids that will suffer from it.

I think this post encapsulates how I feel. I always knew misogyny existed, but now I see it in so many more micro behaviours and yes, it makes me angry.

Not a new thought of course: remember "a woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle"? Yeah, though, many of us go through this process of seeing and then never being able to unsee. Being single and enjoying your friends can be great, and maybe one day you meet one of the rare men who really see patriarchy and want to do something about it and you fall in love, or maybe not... Make your life what you want it to be and let your DD see you do it!

It is clear OP. I wish people didn’t need to pick other women apart for the sake of it. YANBU.

Your OP is clear; your title is misleading - as others have explained more fully than I did. Your problem is not feminism; it’s shit men.

I think what she's actually trying to say about the system isn't goady. Perhaps a poor choice of words to say it's "feminism" rather than awareness of disgusting misogyny.

Rather than be angry just feel pity that they were raised in a world that allowed them to be this way.

Teaching in a secondary school I see lots of this behaviour. It's not the kids fault- it's the behaviour they have learned from their parents.

She’s means that having woken up to the misogyny- through an awareness that was enabled by feminism - she is now angry. The misogyny existed prior to her feminist awakening but she wasn’t angry about it, because she didn’t see it for what it was and hadn’t thought about how and why it was so unfair.

I would suggest it's what is being done to women that is making you bitter, not feminism itself!

I think a lot of women 'see' a lot more inequality when kids come along. But it's in the background everywhere too.

"The man who has it all" Facebook/insta account is gently funny about the messages that go out to women - might be worth a follow....

No doubt you'll get lots of posters trying to pretend it's all women's fault.

There are obviously a whole raft of inequalities that people live through, so I'm aware of the fact that other groups see the same struggle that perhaps I don't.

It’s goady because you’re playing into the hands of the incel types that like to tell us we would be happy if we only accepted our gender role and that it’s the feminists who make us unsatisfied and unhappy - not them.