My feminism has made me bitter

We will indeed 👍

This is me. I really dislike men. It’s probably because my ex husband was a prolific cheat and then left me with a disabled child to bring up alone. Doesn’t see him, I had to fight for maintenance. You just think to yourself what an utter waste of space they all are.

I see my friends in relationships that they describe as happy when they’re anything but, take the brunt of all the housework, childcare while their husbands swan about doing fuck all. Not for me. I’m happier alone than I’ve ever been. I’m bringing my son up to be a lovely young man who is respectful of women. His older sister and I strive to be good role models for him. I certainly don’t want another relationship.

That is why I am single after my relationship broke down and I'll remain so. I have no time for men anymore, at all.

I started feeling like this and realised it was doing me no good. I’m raising 4 lovely sons so don’t want that attitude. I still keep my standards high but just don’t get bogged down thinking about it all, men have been like this since we evolved so no changing it. Just try and live my own good life and accept the positives they do bring.

@LeticiaMorales I have read before I read the post, of course I did. It still doesn't jump out to me as being goody, so we'll just have to agree to disagree

Social media seems to be overfilling with bitter feminists as much as misogynists. In my opinion people need to be careful not to overdo exposure to either. The majority of them are just polluting people's minds with the spreading of hate and division.

I think we live in a new world of unprecedented choice. Just like men with the MGTOW movement, people have life options that didnt exists for previous generations. If on balance, you'd be happier without a man, do just that.

Nope. My DH is amazing and my male friends are great as well. Life would be very boring without them

No, it's not being pedantic. Read the title, it does appear to be goady, so people challenged it. The meaning has become clear, but that clarity was important.

Whether or not you agree with the choice of words in the title, op's post is very clear in it's meaning. I thought we were supposed to be on the same side here. Instead we get people pedantically picking each other apart for the sake of a couple of accidental mischosen words 🙄

I don't do " relaxed and cheerful" , or at least only on rare occasions. I would dearly love to.

I think I agree with you that life experiences are the key to your outlook on life.
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But once you see the world for what it is I do think being a feminist takes away the ability to pretend there is much to be cheerful about. Speaking personally of course.

Some men are. But they're generally not the ones who tell you they are.

The ones who tell you they are hope you will hear their words and not see their actions or don't see fault in some of the things they say/do because they're on our side and so there can't be anything wrong with them saying x, y, z because that bit is just natural law/common sense.

The ones who are true allies are the ones who are open to listening and open to changing their viewpoint or position.

Because we all grow up in misogyny. But because it affects women directly, we are more likely to see it but many don't until they have a first child or receive comments in the workplace etc because, until then, they accept it as much as anyone else. And some never see it at all.

Yeah it’s not the feminism it’s the patriarchy you want.

My feminism hasn’t made me bitter at all. It’s opened my eyes to the reasons underpinning a lot of my previous insecurities. It’s given me balls of steel and an ability to separate what I actually want from what society tells me I should want.

If feminism makes you feel like this you’re not doing it right.

Because feminism isn't the problem.

Yes, but she should really have said misogyny, not feminism.

I hear you, OP. It is hard to see it all and sometimes it feels life would be so much easier if the blinkers were still on. But it would be a life that you didn't get to live fully for yourself. I felt very angry for a long time, but I used that anger to make decisions and changes for myself. I have very few men in my life, I'm happily single, I am raising my dc to understand the patriarchy, and I work for an organisation that has a strong underlying anti-patriarchal raison d'etre where I am helping women find their agency every day. I am surrounded by great women friends. I detach from it on a personal level and just go about living my peaceful life (though obviously that isn't completely possible and is easier once you're nearly 50 and largely invisible to men).

I have a pre-teen dd though, so I fully expect my rage to return soon.

Meant to add (and too late to edit), even I fall short of my own standards sometimes. I can’t even think about my younger years without cringing and wanting to kick myself for some of the stupid bs I spouted.

When I was a new young work colleague men were always super supportive. How they hung in my every word and nodded along enthusiastically. Wow naive me thought, they must think I’m really good.

now I’m middle aged & no longer considered fuckable though much much better at my job oddly enough make colleagues are no longer interested & enthusiastic about my thoughts & ideas.

Exactly this. 💯

I hear you, OP. I understand why people are prickly about the wording of your post, because it plays into the narrative trope that feminists have are just a bunch of bitter women, implying that our own internal unhappiness is the source of our anger, not the rank unfairness of the whole fucking world order. It diminishes the power of women’s political awakening. So yeah, it’s misogyny making you bitter, not feminism!

But I agree, I’m afraid the older I get the more angry and bitter I feel. I despair of anything ever really changing at a foundational level - especially when the whole thing is propped up by ‘good’ men who are totally oblivious to their privilege, women’s own internalised misogyny, and now the rise of the ‘men’s rights’ movement, incel culture, fundamentalist religion and ubiquitous violent pornography.

I honestly believe that continual roll back of women’s rights to bodily autonomy and to define themselves by biological sex in terms of protected spaces and organisations, sports and healthcare will ultimately see our daughters more disadvantaged than our mothers. But I’ll keep howling at the moon regardless. Gotta put that rage somewhere!

I think life experiences definitely opens your eyes to the amount of misogyny that exists in our society.

What really horrified and upset me was the backlash I got from other women when I separated from my ex husband.

My ex husband is a lazy, entitled, selfish piece of work, admittedly outwardly charming, but women who I considered friends jumped to his defense. I was told they 'were on his side' which he manipulated to his advantage. I left the group. My DM told me 'I got rid of him and he'd done nothing wrong'. She knew how selfish he was.

He hasn't seen our daughter for over ten years now, not unexpected. I wonder what those women would think now. Probably blame me.

I always give other women the benefit of the doubt. Some woman do the opposite.

Beautifully articulated, thank you 😍

I feel the same as the OP. I'm considerably older though; it just took much longer for my awakening to land with me 😚

This.

I don't remember not noticing it. Even as a little kid in the 1980s it annoyed me that girls were thought to be weaker or not able to do certain things, which was certainly not how I felt. I knew it long before I learned the words to express it.

That’s the really tricky bit isn’t it? My standards are so high no man would pass them now (not even OH, he’s lucky I love him), and if I’m entirely honest neither would a lot of women, as there’s a lot of internalised misogyny going round.

Frankly, I’ve settled (and accepted that) for decent and that helps overall, but every now and then that does still piss me off.

This! And not bitter …… ANGRY!!