AIBU to be fed up that I still didn’t get my lie in

I would text him and say this morning wasn’t a lie in. A lie in js when you get up and keep the DC quiet and out of the our bedroom so I can SLEEP it is not getting up and looking after the DC and then going back to bed. You will have to try again every Saturday until you can do it properly.

Is your husband especially stupid? It does seem so if he’s unable to get the kids’ clothes together, make a packed lunch, organise looking after them himself. If so you’ll have to explain to him what a lie-in means and how this wasn’t one. Use small words and pictures.

He sounds useless. Book yourself into a hotel to get your bath and lie-in.

Then stop being such a martyr. You’re setting a pattern that will last the rest of your life. Why were you packing last night? Why didn’t he do that? You need to sit back, let him mess up and have to deal with the consequences himself.

You both sound quite childish really. Him in every way. You because you haven’t learnt grown-up assertion or conversation skills. The idea that your husband only knew how you felt about Mother’s Day because your mum told him!!! Makes you both sound about fifteen.

Have you actually sat down and communicated your feelings loud and clear or do you just go about silently sulking.

Nothing is ever going to change or be fixed unless you’re direct about what’s going on.

He’s doing it on purpose. Get some gumption and tell him he needs to leave the room and to not bring in the kids when you’re sleeping or you will start doing the same to him.

How many lie ins does he get? You need to get the same as him. Or an extra because you do the night wakings.

Is he a bit thick, or just an oaf?

"I almost always try to keep my daughter in another room so I don’t disturb his sleep"

Well that stops now, then...

YANBU.

My partner gives me a lie in from doing the morning feeding/litter cleaning for the cat completely undisturbed, on request. Even sometimes just because he can see I'm tired. It's usually my job, he does evenings.

I find myself comparing my partners 'pet parenting' and support of me/my chores to MN husbands actual parenting and support for the mothers of their children a lot.

Like my partner should not be more supportive and kind in the caring of the bloody cat than your husband is about your shared children and you - the mother of them! It's way more work for you (obviously)... Husband should be more supportive. If not taking the kids 50/50 anyway unless you're a SAHM or something....?!

MN should really put their foot down on their husbands being shit. If you need motivation, remember there's a guy out there who is more supportive over a bloody cat.

Not your fault OP x but my point with this post is your husband is being utterly useless AND IT'S A CHOICE. Men are NOT automatically, unavoidably like this. I swear. He is CHOOSING to be like this.

Yes book yourself one night at a hotel and tell him it’s because he twice promised you a lie in that didnt happen
and you can’t carry on being so exhausted, That may cure him.

In fact book yourself into a hotel tonight and go out at lunch time, by yourself. Go and have lunch, see a film or go for a walk or browse the shops, then retire to your hotel for an early night.

Acting in your own interests is the only way you’re going to get what you need.

Your Mother's Day gift to yourself is to book yourself into a hotel for either Friday night or Saturday night and take yourself off so he has to be responsible for the children during the night for that night feed and get them up, dressed and feed them breakfast. You need to stop being a bloody doormat. Don't sit there and say "somehow and it turns into me having to help get them ready to go out." you chose to do that. It doesn't resolve the issue, he never parents by himself, he made sure of it when he brought the baby into the bed.

I have a Dh who would actually let me have a lie in every Sunday, took the children out of the house to leave me in blissful silence. You have a lazy arsehole Dh but you need to start standing up for yourself. Book that hotel. Have a lovely time.

I agree about going to an hotel.

If your DH got his act together you could both have a lie in every week by taking it in turns.

Why did you get up and start packing? Let him do it! If he asked you to do something you say "it's my morning off, you do it", as far as him coming in with the baby I'd have insisted he take her downstairs and explain to him you can't exactly have a lie in with everyone in the room, sometimes you have to be direct, sounds to me like you need him to pull his weight more on a regular basis but the only way that will happen is if you insist, stop doing things when it's his turn, let him do it he's not a child he can get a coat and some bottles sorted by himself

Your husband is lazy and thick. Book yourself into a hotel one night. Then he’ll have to do the job he should have done last weekend and last night.

Use your words OP. Give it to him straight, useless fucker.

This almost sums it up perfectly.

But - why didn’t you speak up? Why did you start doing things with the kids? Why didn’t you just tell him to take the baby out of the bedroom so you could have your lie in?

I’m too exhausted by shit mumsnet dads, but I’m also exhausted by women who put up with all this shit, don’t speak up at the time, and then come on here and whinge about it.

When he said it was too early, why didn’t you say “what on earth are you talking about? I do it all the time”.
You should both have a weekend day where the other gets up with any early-rising children, and the other gets a bit more of a lie in. I don’t understand how you end up with such an uneven situation with someone who apparently loves you.

Well then you stop keeping the baby in another room so he can have his lie ins from now on. Though I’d have had to say something last week- did you explain to him then or was it your mum guilting him into it?

Take turns having a lie in every weekend. One day each. Insist on this and part of the deal is they stay downstairs. If your lie in gets broken, his does too.

Now, go to sleep.

I voted YABU because you need to be more assertive.

"Daddy will do it" the direct them to daddy.

Stop making an effort to take then out the room in future and let them play a game of climb on daddy and wake him up!

Get off mumsnet and go and enjoy your bath and relax! Sleep is over rated.

Not saying this is correct or acceptable but sometimes we need to really spell things out in detail. “I want a lie in” needs to become a really specific conversation about what the lie in is - “I don’t want to be woken by the children, I want to stay asleep. My sleep needs to be uninterrupted. As soon as they wake, remove them from our room and shut the door. Tell the toddler they can’t come in. Don’t disturb me until I open the bedroom door.” Sounds like your husband thought he did a great job because you’re getting space now, but just didn’t get the memo as to what exactly a bloody lie in is. You can tell I’ve been there.

I’d be telling him not to come back and you’ll enjoy the afternoon to yourself. Why are you putting up with this selfish man?

Didn’t you say to him ‘what lie in? I’ve been awake for an hour and a half because you bought the baby into bed’

If you didn’t, I suggest that you tell him when he gets home ‘by the way you still owe me a lie in, next time take the child downstairs like I do every other day so as not to disturb you’

Is he still coming back so you can have an afternoon together? I would use this time to calmly point out everything in your post. Explain that you didn’t get a lie in as he brought both kids into your bedroom and then you helped get them ready ( did he ask you too?) I would explain how you don’t disturb his mornings in the same way. Did you manage to get any extra sleep? I know I couldn’t but my husband could so there may be an element of different understandings there