AIBU to be fed up that I still didn’t get my lie in

To me this all depends on context. It sounds like he was expecting you to go back to bed after they left from what you’ve written. If he’s decent otherwise and is a good partner it might be worth spelling it out “by lie in what I mean is not being woken up AT ALL before 10, as I can’t get back to sleep once I’m awake etc…”. But if he’s a knob otherwise then yes it’s likely to be weaponised incompetence.

I would write out what you have posted here and address it as a note to him and leave it somewhere he will see it when he comes home then have your undisturbed bath and take yourself out for the afternoon.

You could book a hotel but a man like your husband will call you to ask about how to look after his own children so you would be disturbed anyway. I would see if you can stay at your parents and in your note to him tell him your phone will be switched off but he can call one of your parents if there is an emergency with the children. You might need to get your parents to invent an excuse about why the children can't go to their house this afternoon.

He's selfish in the extreme, stop letting him get away with it.

Just another selfish loser.
Stop having children with this selfish loser.

He knows exactly what he is doing but is gettjng away with it and basically doesn't care.

Stop doing ANYTHING that benefits him.
No laundry, no cooking, look after your children and yourself.

Keep your family and friends close and in the loop.

Absolutely useless excuse for a husband

Going against the grain, YABU.
Why did you get up and start doing their hair, brushing their teeth and generally getting them ready? Why not just tell him to get up with them?
Why sort their bag and lunch the night before for your DH to take them out?

I just don’t get the point of going out of your way to make yourself a martyr and then being surprised?

If you divorce him you can have a lie in every other weekend. He sounds absolutely shit and his passive aggressive dig about you enjoying your lie in would be the final straw for me.

Bad enough that on ‘his weekend’ you still had to sort everything the night before, still had to do a night feed and entertain them in bed in the morning and then fucking help him get them out the door is a sick joke.

And then the lazy twat is going to palm them off on his mum because she’s the next support human who’s responsible for your kids when you’re unavailable, not their own other bloody parent.

Not joking, pack a bag while he’s out, head off to a hotel for the rest of the weekend. Have your lie in (put a Do Not Disturb notice on your door and take earplugs!!) and leave him a note saying that as he’s clearly inept and doesn’t understand what a lie in looks like you’re going to take it yourself.

Your kids will be fine for 24 hours and he’ll hopefully realise what a monumental prick he’s been. And then start divorce proceedings next week. Life is too short to live it with a selfish thoughtless manchild.

Sounds crap. Why didn't you tell him to take the baby out of your room?

This - you should each get/give each other a lie in as much as possible. Sounds like he owes you quite a lot…

I remember one time ExH started hoovering at 8am when it was my turn for a lie-in. One of many, many selfish and deliberate behaviours. All ‘oh sorry I didn’t think’ but never, ever hoovered any other time… before or after!

DP occasionally takes DD (loudest child known to man) to McDonald’s for breakfast at god knows what time to get her out of the house and let me have silence in the morning. He also feeds the cat so she won’t pester me and brings me food when they come back. He does this without being asked, just because he feels like it, and even manages to get his daughter dressed without support.

Book yourself a hotel asap. Even a cheap Travelodge somewhere quiet. Or go visit a friend who doesn’t have kids! And don’t lay out clothes etc before you go.

This. The second he brought the baby in id have firmly said 'what on earth are you doing in here waking me up, out. Go as far away as possible I don't want to hear a sound otherwise I won't count it as a lie in and I'll be having another tomorrow and this will continue til you get it bloody right!!!'
And follow through!

My eldest woke every 2 hours every single night for 2.5 years. My youngest woke every 2-3 hours for 18 months.

Both were exclusively breastfed. Yet DH and I still managed to take it in turns. Give each other naps and lie ins and good chunks of sleep.

He worked shifts yet was still able to be an equal parent because that’s what parents are supposed to do - be an equal part of a team.

Text him right now, OP. "A lie in means being able to sleep in the morning without being disturbed by the children. I did not get a lie in this morning as you brought DD in to our room instead of looking after her elsewhere. I would like to have my lie in properly tomorrow. You will need to entertain and feed the children from when they wake up until 9 am."

He's being crap and you are being passive. Say something this time. Don't wait until your mum does it for you. You are the mum now: you need to advocate for yourself so you can advocate for your children.

He’s fucking useless. But you encourage the behaviour you accept. You should have told
me straight out that Mother’s Day was unacceptable and you shouldn’t have started getting the kids ready. Agree with pp that you need to go to a spa hotel overnight. I can’t believe some of the stories I read about men on here. It’s depressing.

He does the mornings till you have one where he doesn’t wake you up with the children. Practice makes perfect.

OP your partner sounds useless but as others have said you're being totally passive. Tell him to take the baby downstairs! Do not get up and start helping do x y z! Set some clear boundaries, stick to them and actually speak up when you're not happy instead of raging inside your head but not communicating that clearly with your partner.

So she books into a hotel. I guarantee the husband will drive the kids straight to his mother! Or else she will be summoned to come over. Creating a few new problems.

Yes he is useless. I guess he was hoping you would wake up so he wouldn't have to look after the children and therefore made sure they made noise and wanted mummy.

I do agree with others though about speaking to him. What did you say when he had nothing for mother's day? Even though I am not big into it, I would have questioned if I hadn't had a card why he didn't do this. I don't think I would leave it to my mum to point this out to him, I am a grown adult and should be able to speak to my partner if I was disappointed like this.
Also agree with others, why did you sort the kids bags? Again, say to him 'a lie in sounds good and thanks for arranging them to go to grandparents for the day, can you make sure you sort their bags with everything they will need'. If he then asked what they needed I would roll my eyes and ask him where he has been the last few years and leave him to it!

I think by continuing to step around him and doing things for him he can continue to play dumb. It is ridiculous that he didn't think bringing the little one into your bedroom wouldn't be at all disruptive to your lie in. Stop stepping around him and say you don't do this when he has a lie in. Also make it equal. If you get up every week this needs to stop and you need to take turns.

Does he genuinely not know what a lie in is? Ask him what his idea of a lie in is!!

He really does sound quite stupid. Sorry you didn't get to sleep! Maybe a nap for the afternoon rather than time with him?

This. Mine isn’t a stupid idiot - but if he was, I’d fight fire with fire. dC would be jumping on him in bed every single day now, until he delivers a proper weekend lie in.

But - OP needs to use her voice! He should have been told by OP that Mother’s Day was nonexistent and why was that? Find your voice, OP, and get him told.

I think you need to spell it out. That a lie in is where he’s quiet and leaves you to sleep. Today hasn’t counted as it wasn’t what you meant.
I completely understand where you are coming from. I wanted a break on my birthday one year so went for a bath (literally the first one I’d had all year) and he got the kids and bought them into the bathroom with me. I could have cried.
I hope it gets better soon.

It’s simply really, you’ve married a shit and have opted to breed with him, making it much harder to leave as his behaviour gets worse.

This absolutely isn’t normal. He’s awful.

I do my toddlers hair, I brush their teeth, I go and collect all the dirty bottles and take them downstairs, I collect their coats and help put shoes on ….and the best bit is as they left my husband says “I hope you enjoy your lie in”.

I'm raging for you, op. Show him this thread, maybe it'll sink in.

Can he hold down a job? If so he should be able to do a basic task like putting a child's shoes on. The mind boggles.

I'm up several times a night with my toddler while dh sleeps undisturbed and part of the deal is I get a short lie in everyday. Dh takes ds to change his nappy and gives both kids breakfast downstairs quietly while I get 20-30 mins to come round before getting dressed. Pretty much everyday! The only lie-ins dh gets is on his birthday and father's day, and maybe once in a blue moon apart from that.

We are both satisfied with this deal. You seem to have a terribly unbalanced setup.

To add, why are you packing the bags, doing lunches?! He is never going to learn to do all this stuff if you just do it for him. Worst comes to worst and he forgets something, shops exist. Why is he not getting you a Mother’s Day card and gift? And why did you have a second child with a complete chump.

So last night I got the kids clothes out for today, packed the bag of nappies, wipes, spare clothes ect, made a packed lunch for them both ….you get the drift.
why did you do this? Surely you say to him whilst sitting on the sofa ‘do you think they need a packed lunch for tomorrow. If so Charlie won’t eat ham at the moment but she’ll eat cheese or tuna’ and ‘make sure you remember the nappies because I’m going to be asleep tomorrow morning so get everything out of the room tonight please’.

like past poster i’m so bored with shit mumsnet dads but equally bored with mums that enable them. You need to manage him not do it for him.

You have a selfish useless husband I mean he doesn't pack bags and make lunches, what is that about?