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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to be fed up that I still didn’t get my lie in

136 replies

HappyMummaOfOne · 05/04/2025 08:00

I have a 3.5year old and a 10month old and I can not tell you the last time I had a lie in. I know parents of children this age generally don’t but I am so exhausted and burnt out that when I was asked what I woukd like for Mother’s Day I asked for two things:- a lie in and a hot bath undisturbed by the kids.

Last Sunday I got neither. I also got no card or present (I’m not bothered by no present but thought I would get a card at least.) Mother’s Day was awful, I won’t go into details but the day was crap and I felt so unseen and heard that in the evening I had a little cry after putting the kids to bed. I think my husband must have been told by my mum a day or so later how down and upset I’ve been feeling recently because he offered to take the kids this morning so I could get my lie in and hot bath, would take the kids out and then drop them off at my parents so we could then have a nice afternoon just the two of us.
So last night I got the kids clothes out for today, packed the bag of nappies, wipes, spare clothes ect, made a packed lunch for them both ….you get the drift.

This morning I did the 3.30am wake up with my 10month old, milk, settled back to sleep and got back in my bed…..6am, husband gets up and gets her and she is fully awake so he brings her into our room and starts playing with her in the bed! I asked why he wasn’t taking her downstairs and his response was it was abit early 🤯
Not going to lie it did annoy me as I almost always try to keep my daughter in another room so I don’t disturb his sleep but he can’t do the same?!?! By 6.30am I’ve given up on being able to sleep and my 3.5year old comes in, and somehow it turns into me having to help get them ready to go out. I do my toddlers hair, I brush their teeth, I go and collect all the dirty bottles and take them downstairs, I collect their coats and help put shoes on ….and the best bit is as they left my husband says “I hope you enjoy your lie in”.
Is he just incredibly stupid and doesn’t get it or what???? I am AWAKE so I’m not getting a lie in. I just have the opportunity to now lie here trying to get back to sleep after 90mins of being awake with the kids.

Is my request really unreasonable and unrealistic that I could have one lie in?

Is it really unreasonable to expect my husband to be able to get the kids up and dressed and out the door without me? (He is taking them to his parents for breakfast before anyone thinks I am starving them).

I just wanted to get some sleep 😩
So maybe my tired moody self is not looking at the bigger picture. So AIBU?

OP posts:
Fluffydolittle · 05/04/2025 11:54

Tradewife365 · 05/04/2025 11:52

Do you really need to have a lie in?
If you are tired maybe try going to bed a bit earlier and then you can wake up and get the children ready feeling refreshed.
it works for me, I finish my housework for the evening, go straight to bed and by the morning I can rise earlier than the family and prepare the house and myself ready for them.

🧌

Tradewife365 · 05/04/2025 11:52

Do you really need to have a lie in?
If you are tired maybe try going to bed a bit earlier and then you can wake up and get the children ready feeling refreshed.
it works for me, I finish my housework for the evening, go straight to bed and by the morning I can rise earlier than the family and prepare the house and myself ready for them.

Cherrysoup · 05/04/2025 11:50

Tell him you’re having a lie in tomorrow which means he needs to take the dc downstairs, not into bed with you! What a selfish arse. He also needs to get their stuff ready and get them dressed and out if he wants to take them to the park etc. Spell it out for him if necessary, although he’s a grown up and knows how to look after his own dc, surely? I’d be so cross.

Oldraver · 05/04/2025 11:48

Well sounds like he needs a lot more practice, so needs to be on duty every weekend

Tipofthecattoes · 05/04/2025 11:40

Yes, you’re missing the bigger picture.

That your husband is a total dick, who really really doesn’t care what you feel like.

He doesn’t care you’re burnt out.

He doesn’t even care enough to do what you do every single day for ONE DAY.

You need to get your self respect back and if he won’t step up and be a parent, leave him.

needacuppasoon · 05/04/2025 11:39

Sorry to rant about my useless DP on your thread but there’s no point in starting my own, it’s basically the same. Honestly I was reading your post saying ‘this is my life since Mother’s Day’ too!! I only have one dc just now and very very heavily pregnant with the second. My DP has been nothing short of utter shit since realising this second one is coming imminently. He’s been going to the gym every day and gone to more games of football in 3/4 weeks than he has in 2 years!
I had a ‘go back to bed’ offer yesterday but he then came into the room looking for nappies which woke me after 1.5hr. So I went to the kitchen for paracetamol and took myself back to bed - he came upstairs to ask if I was getting up as he needed to go out shopping for clothes!! He went to the gym after and was out 1pm-9pm.
Today has been out from 8am today, just got home - said I can go back to bed as he sees I’m sore but only till 1:30 as … he’s going to the fucking football again!!
I wouldn’t begrudge any of this probably if he actually helped while he’s in the house, not sit on his arse scrolling his phone, let me get up to crabby dc cos he’s not eaten enough breakfast, did the fucking dishes once and a while and maybe used half that brain of his to realise I'm more stressed sore and angry doing it all on my own and…. haven’t had a cup of tea made for months (including Mother’s Day)
I ranted to my mum yesterday so I think she’s going to be having a word with him next couple of days too. He must think his self employed paternity leave is to catch up on things he’s missed out on when working rather than helping me and getting shit done for this baby coming next week

I’m a crabbit cunt today as you may have noticed…. Sorry for hijacking op xx

Blackkittenfluff · 05/04/2025 11:39

He did that on purpose. He's a twat.

femfemlicious · 05/04/2025 11:37

IsItOnlyWednesday · 05/04/2025 08:09

Didn’t you say to him ‘what lie in? I’ve been awake for an hour and a half because you bought the baby into bed’

If you didn’t, I suggest that you tell him when he gets home ‘by the way you still owe me a lie in, next time take the child downstairs like I do every other day so as not to disturb you’

He will get in a huff and say "nothing I do is ever good enough "🙄

femfemlicious · 05/04/2025 11:34

Yanbu. This is how men behave and its really annoying

Fluffydolittle · 05/04/2025 11:33

People treat you how to let them. It’s on you to change it up because he is used to you being a doormat.

If he still behaves that way, you either leave or you start showing him his actions have consequences. Use your imagination for that, they’re real sensitive and protective of men over here.

DappledThings · 05/04/2025 11:32

The only thing you are being unreasonable about is putting the request out there as a one-off. You should both get a lie-in each alternate days of the weekend. A proper one, every weekend. None of this it being a Mother's Day special thing.

Thebloodynine · 05/04/2025 11:25

Why didnt you speak up?
“I was meant to have a lie in for mother’s day and i got absolutely nothing. Now you promised me a lie in today and here you are at 6am playing in the bed. Take the children downstairs, don’t come back in and wake me.”

Why are you just letting this happen to you? Grow a backbone. You have a shit, selfish husband so you need to grow a backbone and start being very clear about what you need. If he won’t do it then you start spending every second weekend at your parent’s and tell him you need couple’s counselling before you can be home permanently.

AnneLovesGilbert · 05/04/2025 11:25

Of course it’s not unusual to have a lie in with kids these ages. We alternate the weekends and when we had babies who woke a lot at night DH would get up with them both mornings so I could catch up.

Imisschampagne · 05/04/2025 11:24

TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross · 05/04/2025 08:16

This almost sums it up perfectly.

But - why didn’t you speak up? Why did you start doing things with the kids? Why didn’t you just tell him to take the baby out of the bedroom so you could have your lie in?

I’m too exhausted by shit mumsnet dads, but I’m also exhausted by women who put up with all this shit, don’t speak up at the time, and then come on here and whinge about it.

Show quote history

Yes - why didn’t you tell him „go downstairs I want to sleep“ and „get the kids ready by yourself“. If you allow him to be so useless and use his weaponised incompetence against you. He’s a tool for doing it and you a fool for enabling it.

Guve him pushback - immediate in the situation. Complaining afterwards on mumsnet won’t change anything.

Fluffydolittle · 05/04/2025 11:23

Get some self love. Don’t ask, tell.

Men need to be led, they’re pack animals.

Source
Dominatrix

Fluffydolittle · 05/04/2025 11:21

These threads are tiring. These men are tiring. The women who allow this bs are tiring.

Raise your standards. The guy knows how to do these things. He sat on the bed in the morning with your child on purpose, to get you to do exactly what you did (get up and take over)

Time to change your patterns and don’t ask from now on, just do. You’re not a single parent, why you asking permission like the man is doing you a favour?

ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 05/04/2025 11:18

I’d be furious. Make it clear that you will be having your lie in tomorrow. He will get up and take the children downstairs. He can’t possibly have thought it was okay to bring the baby in your room that early when he’d promised you a lie in. He just did whatever was easiest for him in that moment with absolutely no regard for you at all. You need to put your foot down. Don’t ask for a lie in, tell him.

rainbowstardrops · 05/04/2025 11:12

What a useless fuckwit! I’d have torn him off a strip though, so unless you make it crystal clear to the lazy shit then he’s going to forever let you do the packed lunches, teeth brushing etc! Stop it!
Oh and I’d be telling him he can have the kids all sodding afternoon too because you’re going to have your bath and putting your feet up. ALONE!
Stop allowing this shitty behaviour woman!

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 05/04/2025 11:06

I first post nailed it. You do come across as a martyr OP. I have a good relationship with my husband but I'd literally be shouting wtaf at him if he displayed any one of those behaviours (not just automatically sharing the lie ins in the first place, ignoring your mother's day request, not seeing how tired you are, making such a deliberate balls up of the whole thing that it was completely pointless, accepting your help when he was supposed to be resting). Instead you're pondering whether you're unreasonable to expect him to do his own share of early mornings with his own children occasionally

He should be able to deal with his own kids, and that includes getting clothes and nappies and snacks and bags sorted the night before by the way. Its absolutely pathetic and if you don't spell out to him how pathetic it is and how much it will affect your marriage, the resentment will eventually kill your relationship

FOJN · 05/04/2025 11:04

FOJN · 05/04/2025 10:50

I would write out what you have posted here and address it as a note to him and leave it somewhere he will see it when he comes home then have your undisturbed bath and take yourself out for the afternoon.

You could book a hotel but a man like your husband will call you to ask about how to look after his own children so you would be disturbed anyway. I would see if you can stay at your parents and in your note to him tell him your phone will be switched off but he can call one of your parents if there is an emergency with the children. You might need to get your parents to invent an excuse about why the children can't go to their house this afternoon.

He's selfish in the extreme, stop letting him get away with it.

Just to clarify..... When I suggested staying at you parents I meant for the night so you could get a proper lie in and not in a LTB way.

Brefugee · 05/04/2025 11:02

you have explained that this was shit.
He hasn't listened.

Fight fire with fire: wake him up when you get u with the night feed, bring the baby into bed and just go all wide eyed and innocent.

If you get up early with DC, bring them into bed with you and play.

And: in future, each of you gets a lie-in at the weekend. Yours is Saturday (because if they wake you up early, you take Sunday instead)

blubberyboo · 05/04/2025 10:59

YABU for just lying there with him and the child in the bed and not saying something directly and firmly right then.

Ie I'm having my lie in now so please take her to another room right now or I will be wide awake.

And even when he commented "enjoy your lie in" Why didn't you throw back "I haven't effing got it because of last 90 mins"

You sound too passive. The man you married needs directness

Eggsboxedandmelting · 05/04/2025 10:58

My dh made a big drama about getting up with dc in Saturdays.. How grateful I needed to be. So yes he did take them downstairs and feed them. Then sent them to play in their rooms. Either side of ours..
While he napped in peace on the sofa.
Exh now.
Father's day you dump them on him in the bed at 6.30 and go nap on the sofa... And don't you dare buy him a card or gift...

Didimum · 05/04/2025 10:55

Sofiewoo · 05/04/2025 10:31

Going against the grain, YABU.
Why did you get up and start doing their hair, brushing their teeth and generally getting them ready? Why not just tell him to get up with them?
Why sort their bag and lunch the night before for your DH to take them out?

I just don’t get the point of going out of your way to make yourself a martyr and then being surprised?

Exactly. Just stop doing it. This is perpetuating the problem.

Didimum · 05/04/2025 10:54

OP, look I hate to ‘victim blame’, but you’ve got no one to blame but yourself at this point. Stop being such an utter doormat and stand up for yourself. Christ. No one is going to advocate for yourself except you at this point. He’s certainly not going to.