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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to be fed up that I still didn’t get my lie in

136 replies

HappyMummaOfOne · 05/04/2025 08:00

I have a 3.5year old and a 10month old and I can not tell you the last time I had a lie in. I know parents of children this age generally don’t but I am so exhausted and burnt out that when I was asked what I woukd like for Mother’s Day I asked for two things:- a lie in and a hot bath undisturbed by the kids.

Last Sunday I got neither. I also got no card or present (I’m not bothered by no present but thought I would get a card at least.) Mother’s Day was awful, I won’t go into details but the day was crap and I felt so unseen and heard that in the evening I had a little cry after putting the kids to bed. I think my husband must have been told by my mum a day or so later how down and upset I’ve been feeling recently because he offered to take the kids this morning so I could get my lie in and hot bath, would take the kids out and then drop them off at my parents so we could then have a nice afternoon just the two of us.
So last night I got the kids clothes out for today, packed the bag of nappies, wipes, spare clothes ect, made a packed lunch for them both ….you get the drift.

This morning I did the 3.30am wake up with my 10month old, milk, settled back to sleep and got back in my bed…..6am, husband gets up and gets her and she is fully awake so he brings her into our room and starts playing with her in the bed! I asked why he wasn’t taking her downstairs and his response was it was abit early 🤯
Not going to lie it did annoy me as I almost always try to keep my daughter in another room so I don’t disturb his sleep but he can’t do the same?!?! By 6.30am I’ve given up on being able to sleep and my 3.5year old comes in, and somehow it turns into me having to help get them ready to go out. I do my toddlers hair, I brush their teeth, I go and collect all the dirty bottles and take them downstairs, I collect their coats and help put shoes on ….and the best bit is as they left my husband says “I hope you enjoy your lie in”.
Is he just incredibly stupid and doesn’t get it or what???? I am AWAKE so I’m not getting a lie in. I just have the opportunity to now lie here trying to get back to sleep after 90mins of being awake with the kids.

Is my request really unreasonable and unrealistic that I could have one lie in?

Is it really unreasonable to expect my husband to be able to get the kids up and dressed and out the door without me? (He is taking them to his parents for breakfast before anyone thinks I am starving them).

I just wanted to get some sleep 😩
So maybe my tired moody self is not looking at the bigger picture. So AIBU?

OP posts:
Original poster
HappyMummaOfOne · 06/04/2025 19:53

Eggsboxedandmelting · 06/04/2025 11:28

Did your Mother's Day gift arrive?

No not yet. It’s still in transit apparently:)

OP posts:
Original poster
HappyMummaOfOne · 06/04/2025 19:53

NeedSomeComfy · 06/04/2025 11:04

I'm really glad the stars aligned for you to get your lie in ❤. It sounds like he's a fun and engaged Dad to the toddler, and hopefully will be to the baby when they reach that stage too. I'm just a bit uneasy with your description because it sounds very Disney Dad-ish, ie doing all the fun stuff that the kids see and none of the boring stuff that they don't. I think for your long term sustainable happiness and sanity you will need to convey to him that being a parent is not just playing with the kids but also making sure they have a tidy house, clean clothes, good fresh food, regular dentists appointments, homework done, and all the other 'boring' stuff. If he can't manage that then he's not being a good partner or Dad, he's just dipping into parenting for the fun bits.

Edited

I totally agree with everything you have just said and deep down he knows he hasn’t been pulling his weight. He actually came over to me when I was washing up and said he wants to do better and apologised for not helping out more. I know things won’t change overnight but I feel after a proper conversation yesterday he is starting to “get it” :)

OP posts:
SnowflakeSmasher86 · 06/04/2025 12:26

Glad you finally got a decent sleep (although I’m not sure 8am counts as a lie in for anyone else!) It sounds like you feel more positive about it for now.

Continue watching Motherland - and pay particular attention to Julia’s husband 😂

Sofiewoo · 06/04/2025 11:38

Of course he only “steps up” by having your parents mind his kids though.

DinaofCloud9 · 06/04/2025 11:30

Tradewife365 · 05/04/2025 11:52

Do you really need to have a lie in?
If you are tired maybe try going to bed a bit earlier and then you can wake up and get the children ready feeling refreshed.
it works for me, I finish my housework for the evening, go straight to bed and by the morning I can rise earlier than the family and prepare the house and myself ready for them.

Bahaha.

Eggsboxedandmelting · 06/04/2025 11:28

Did your Mother's Day gift arrive?

NeedSomeComfy · 06/04/2025 11:04

I'm really glad the stars aligned for you to get your lie in ❤. It sounds like he's a fun and engaged Dad to the toddler, and hopefully will be to the baby when they reach that stage too. I'm just a bit uneasy with your description because it sounds very Disney Dad-ish, ie doing all the fun stuff that the kids see and none of the boring stuff that they don't. I think for your long term sustainable happiness and sanity you will need to convey to him that being a parent is not just playing with the kids but also making sure they have a tidy house, clean clothes, good fresh food, regular dentists appointments, homework done, and all the other 'boring' stuff. If he can't manage that then he's not being a good partner or Dad, he's just dipping into parenting for the fun bits.

Original poster
HappyMummaOfOne · 06/04/2025 10:55

Moonnstars · 05/04/2025 08:58

Yes he is useless. I guess he was hoping you would wake up so he wouldn't have to look after the children and therefore made sure they made noise and wanted mummy.

I do agree with others though about speaking to him. What did you say when he had nothing for mother's day? Even though I am not big into it, I would have questioned if I hadn't had a card why he didn't do this. I don't think I would leave it to my mum to point this out to him, I am a grown adult and should be able to speak to my partner if I was disappointed like this.
Also agree with others, why did you sort the kids bags? Again, say to him 'a lie in sounds good and thanks for arranging them to go to grandparents for the day, can you make sure you sort their bags with everything they will need'. If he then asked what they needed I would roll my eyes and ask him where he has been the last few years and leave him to it!

I think by continuing to step around him and doing things for him he can continue to play dumb. It is ridiculous that he didn't think bringing the little one into your bedroom wouldn't be at all disruptive to your lie in. Stop stepping around him and say you don't do this when he has a lie in. Also make it equal. If you get up every week this needs to stop and you need to take turns.

To answer a few questions I suppose the reason I packed the bags and lunches is because I’ve tried in the past not doing this and it only disrupts the kids and not him. He went to his parents once so I could get a rest and he returned THREE times because he forgot nappies, then there was an accident and he needed spare clothes and the last time because he forgot the formula!

I do think he weaponises his incompetence and I do know that I do too much around the house and for the kids but on this occasion I just wanted an uninterrupted morning and knew if I didn’t prepare everything he would have been in and out the room to ask me questions on where stuff is, what did he need blah blah blah. I have tried telling him what is needed the night before but the response I always get is “I’ll do it in the morning/later” or “I’m not a moron”….but clearly he is if he then has to ask the next day.

As for Mother’s Day, I did say in the morning that I was disappointed I hadn’t received a card and he has said that he has ordered something but delivery is 6-20 days 😳 so I should be grateful he didn’t forget and it’s “coming”. But to me having it late is no different than forgetting and going to the shop and buying it in the same…the event is over, it doesn’t matter now.

I suppose the reason I’m not speaking up as much as usual (I’ve a very outspoken person usually) is that I am feeling down (possibly depressed) and I just don’t feel myself. I feel worn down, exhausted and I have no more fight left in me. I’m using what little energy I have to just get through each day. I recently went back to work full time from maternity leave (I condense my hours so I work 8-6pm four days a week), have the kids the one extra day alone, still do all the housework, washing ect and I know it’s uneven and unfair but there are only so many times you can ask for help before you give up.

My husband is useless when it comes to domestic stuff and we have argued since buying our house together 6 years ago but I’ve had to accept he isn’t going to change because he doesn’t want to and so I get on with it. Why did I have kids with him because he is a good guy, just useless and clueless BUT he is a brilliant fun dad. At least to our toddler. He is Mr Entertainer and plays with her but just doesn’t know how to look after the baby. He was the same with the toddler, until she could walk and talk he just couldn’t work out what to do. So why did I choose to have a second probably because we were in a good place at the time, he was being helpful with the toddler and he said he would do better second time round. It just hasn’t worked out that way. Will it get better yes but I am just in the thick of it right now.

Should I/could I book a hotel for the night….yes but would it teach him to step up or just upset the kids? I feel it would be selfish of me to leave them knowing he would struggle and I would just come back to carnage the next day. I know that this is completely unacceptable but is also my reality. Should I/could I leave him , yes but again I feel it might not be in the best interest of the kids who deserve to have their father around (because to them he is amazing and fun).

Anyway as an update, yesterday I managed to get back to sleep (not sure what time) and slept until 10.45am which was bliss. I then went and had my hot bath whilst watching Motherland (how have I never heard or seen this before! I got through two episodes before I got out of the bath looking like a lobster 😂).
Hubby was then home and cooked me a bacon roll and we went out shopping together which was actually quite nice and the sun was out. We stopped at my favourite place for afternoon tea and then to my parents to pick up the kids at 5pm. It was a really lovely day and I did use the time to talk to him about how I am feeling and that I am not feeling like myself right now. He has agreed to do more and apologised for Mother’s Day.

And the best part…I have no idea how but BOTH kids slept until 8am this morning!!!! (Baby woke at 5.45 but I managed to resettle her). So I finally got my lie in 🥰

OP posts:
Pinkissmart · 05/04/2025 18:02
Tipofthecattoes · 05/04/2025 16:16

Just ignore them. They’re probably some MAGA man from fucking Texas or something

Coffeeishot · 05/04/2025 16:15

Thebloodynine · 05/04/2025 15:57

Look at the username. Tradwife. Nothing that poster says has any place in 2025. Ignore her. She can live her life however she wants, we can all ignore her extreme misogynistic views.

Show quote history

Yes I really should know better but my god it's a frustrating read!

Thebloodynine · 05/04/2025 15:59

Tradewife365 · 05/04/2025 13:59

Wife of someone that earns money doing a trade!

Show quote history

But you post like a trad wife. Which is a nonsense trend and tradwives always try to push the lifestyle onto others.

Thebloodynine · 05/04/2025 15:57

Coffeeishot · 05/04/2025 14:58

You suggested that she was "falling"
because she wanted .a lie in, she sounds upset and knackered and you said well just go to bed earlier problem solved !

Look at the username. Tradwife. Nothing that poster says has any place in 2025. Ignore her. She can live her life however she wants, we can all ignore her extreme misogynistic views.

Coffeeishot · 05/04/2025 14:58

You suggested that she was "falling"
because she wanted .a lie in, she sounds upset and knackered and you said well just go to bed earlier problem solved !

Tradewife365 · 05/04/2025 14:55

Coffeeishot · 05/04/2025 14:13

That's great honestly but don't tell the op she's "failing" because she wants a lie in and her husband is thoughtless? Does your husband do nice things for you?

Show quote history

I never said she was failing! I just suggested she may not need the lie in she’s not getting anyway if she went to bed earlier.
pretty sure that’s what someone would suggest if she was tired at her workplace every morning. Children are a career themselves so it’s much better to be well rested to care for them.

Coffeeishot · 05/04/2025 14:13

Tradewife365 · 05/04/2025 14:00

I really am actually happy to do all that stuff, it makes me more fulfilled than any job could.

Show quote history

That's great honestly but don't tell the op she's "failing" because she wants a lie in and her husband is thoughtless? Does your husband do nice things for you?

Tradewife365 · 05/04/2025 14:00

Neemie · 05/04/2025 13:15

Living the dream.

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I really am actually happy to do all that stuff, it makes me more fulfilled than any job could.

Tradewife365 · 05/04/2025 13:59

Iudncuewbccgrcb · 05/04/2025 13:20

What is a trade wife?

Show quote history

Wife of someone that earns money doing a trade!

Tradewife365 · 05/04/2025 13:58

Sofiewoo · 05/04/2025 13:49

God forbid a woman doesn’t do every single thing.

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Don’t worry I leave all the money earning to DH.

Sofiewoo · 05/04/2025 13:49

Tradewife365 · 05/04/2025 11:52

Do you really need to have a lie in?
If you are tired maybe try going to bed a bit earlier and then you can wake up and get the children ready feeling refreshed.
it works for me, I finish my housework for the evening, go straight to bed and by the morning I can rise earlier than the family and prepare the house and myself ready for them.

God forbid a woman doesn’t do every single thing.

FOJN · 05/04/2025 13:21

Tradewife365 · 05/04/2025 11:52

Do you really need to have a lie in?
If you are tired maybe try going to bed a bit earlier and then you can wake up and get the children ready feeling refreshed.
it works for me, I finish my housework for the evening, go straight to bed and by the morning I can rise earlier than the family and prepare the house and myself ready for them.

Man? Satire? Goady fucker?

Iudncuewbccgrcb · 05/04/2025 13:20

Tradewife365 · 05/04/2025 11:52

Do you really need to have a lie in?
If you are tired maybe try going to bed a bit earlier and then you can wake up and get the children ready feeling refreshed.
it works for me, I finish my housework for the evening, go straight to bed and by the morning I can rise earlier than the family and prepare the house and myself ready for them.

What is a trade wife?

Neemie · 05/04/2025 13:15

Tradewife365 · 05/04/2025 11:52

Do you really need to have a lie in?
If you are tired maybe try going to bed a bit earlier and then you can wake up and get the children ready feeling refreshed.
it works for me, I finish my housework for the evening, go straight to bed and by the morning I can rise earlier than the family and prepare the house and myself ready for them.

Living the dream.

CharlieUniformNovemberTangoYankee · 05/04/2025 12:05

He's as thick as a whale omelette. And completely fucking useless as well. I always wonder how these idiots manage to procreate - who on earth could find them attractive?

No doubt when you explain to him that you didn't actually get a lie in (because he's a clown) he'll respond with 'Oh, I can't do right for doing wrong' or some other self-pitying shite.

I haven't read anything other than the OP but I guess there are lots of replies suggesting booking a hotel. Yes, do that. See how he manages without his mummy for a single night.

Brefugee · 05/04/2025 11:56

Tradewife365 · 05/04/2025 11:52

Do you really need to have a lie in?
If you are tired maybe try going to bed a bit earlier and then you can wake up and get the children ready feeling refreshed.
it works for me, I finish my housework for the evening, go straight to bed and by the morning I can rise earlier than the family and prepare the house and myself ready for them.

Biscuit