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AIBU?

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Original poster

DH put chili in my food AGAIN

194 replies

BelloItalia · 04/04/2025 23:18

Ok I may be over reacting as I’m unwell and stressed but I’m so fucking angry

DH has this habit of putting chili in everything - despite the fact that I don’t like spicy food. He doesn’t even like spicy food himself, he’s one of these people that pretends to like it. It’s infuriating.

He loves to cook chicken on the BBQ - and it’s always a spicy jerk chicken coating mixed with ghost chilis etc. I’ve said I don’t like it, he says I do (don’t even get me started on that one). Everytime he says he’s doing chicken I always say “don’t do jerk chicken as I don’t want chili” he replies “don’t worry, I won’t make it spicy” - it’s always spicy.

When he cooks burgers he insists on making this spicy mayo stuff with jalepenos (I know that’s spent wrong, auto correct is in Italian and I can’t be bothered). I always say don’t put it on mine, he always does. Last time I said “if mine has any chili on it I won’t be eating it”. For once he didn’t put any on. I made a point of saying how lovely it was etc

So tonight he’s making burgers and I said “remember, no chili on mine). He said “ok”

My burger had chili on it. I said “why have you put chili on it??” He said “I havnt” I said I can taste it!” He said “no you can’t” (fucking infuriating!!!!)

never mind tasting it - I could literally see it!!!

WTF does he do this? I’m more wound up than usual as he’s been a twat all night. Picking me up when he knows I’m suffering bad period I pains, going on and on about my glasses - he’s such a dick when he’s drinking.

anyway - the food thing - AIBU to. E actually livid about it this time?

OP posts:
Tworedgeraniums · 05/04/2025 07:27

I think I’d be telling him every time you serve my food with chilli it will go straight in the bin (and have a few frozen meals you can ping, nice ones!)

although it sounds better to bin him tbh.

@ThinWomansBrain that brilliant idea, made me laugh out loud 🤣

Remainsofthehay · 05/04/2025 07:16

This sounds like another post I read where a husband kept making food the OP doesn't like, or always experimenting....ruining the food etc

Regardless, this sounds very familiar.

He sounds like he enjoys tormenting you OP. It is actually quite disturbing to read he keeps putting chilli on your food - despite knowing full well you don't like or want it. The picking you up echos this, as it adds further to your discomfort. I assume you are wearing glasses and he is mocking them.

What is your situation OP? I personally couldn't stay with a man who had such a demonstrative disregard for me. It is most concerning.

NeverHadHaveHas · 05/04/2025 07:16

This has definitely been posted before. Assuming it’s the same poster, take the advice you received before?

Poonu · 05/04/2025 07:15

Make your own food.

Astrak · 05/04/2025 07:14

Definitely a large amount of sennacot in the favourite that you've "lovingly" cooked for him . . .🙃🙃

Apreslapluielesoleil · 05/04/2025 07:09

You are seeing the true him. Alcohol lowers inhibitions so he’s not pretending to be nice any more.
ltb. It won’t get any better.

ChompandaGrazia · 05/04/2025 07:05

What is the thing with the glasses?

Why are you with this bellend ?

doodahdayy · 05/04/2025 06:59

Why do you stay with this abusive cunt?

MaggieBsBoat · 05/04/2025 06:57

He’s acting like he hates you and resents you.
Has he told you that you’ve done something to hurt him?
This is crazy and hurtful and abusive if it continues.

DahliaBlooming · 05/04/2025 06:48

You're not overreacting. Someone who loves you wouldn't do any of this. The chilli thing especially is really, really awful. It's actually cruel.

Nuttygarlic · 05/04/2025 06:39

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

DeskJotter · 05/04/2025 06:38

neverknowinglyunreasonable · 04/04/2025 23:24

Nevermind the chicken, this guy is the real jerk! Lol! Am I right?

On a serious note he sounds abusive. Is your relationship worthwhile?

Ok, there has to be a line somewhere. This guy is a jerk; this is not abuse. Come on.

Theworldisinyourhands · 05/04/2025 06:38

OP go back and read your messages and ask yourself 'if this was my daughter/sister/best friend then what would I be telling them?' I'm not sure what else you expect people to say except that this doesn't sound like a happy or a healthy relationship

Imbusytodaysorry · 05/04/2025 06:34

@BelloItalia i read your other post about this ! He is a selfish ignorant dick!
What he wants trumps what you what . Who would do that when they know you won’t eat it or like it !

As for your update date he is being abusive he is playing games with you . Like a play thing .your not his equal.
How long have you been married ? How long has this been going on for ?
Are you planning on continuing to live with him?

Newname2025123 · 05/04/2025 06:33

I think it’s the fact that what he’s doing is totally unnecessary and deliberately trying to make you miserable that’s the problem (he’s not just making a big batch of curry that’s to his taste rather than yours, he’s actively adding a spicy condiment to your portion of food which could easily be served plain).

It’s the intention rather than just making food that you dislike that makes it abusive (it’s totally fine to cook a meal your partner doesn’t like occasionally as long as you’re happy for them to have an alternative and you’re not going out of your way to make it unpleasant for them).

I’d be shocked if this was the only example of this type of behaviour. He’s clearly a bit of a twat and doesn’t take into account your preferences or boundaries.

JoshLymanSwagger · 05/04/2025 06:31

Do you cook for him sometimes? If you do tip a whole tub of chilli flakes on HIS meal just as you place it in front of him.
"oops, that came out a bit quick - but I know you love them so much you'll be fine"
As for the glasses, if someone did that to me I'd be aiming at their eyes or groin

autisticbookworm · 05/04/2025 06:26

He’s bullying you and making out it’s a joke so you seem unreasonable . Why do you accept it? Even if he’s nice sometimes that doesn’t make up for the times he’s mean to you. That’s not how relationships work. He shouldn’t be picking you up with out your consent either.

orangegato · 05/04/2025 06:24

I hate experimental cooks who care nothing for whether the person actually wants to eat it. So grim.

I do all the cooking in my house. My partner pulls his weight by doing the bins, cleaning the cars, making nice coffees etc but can stay the fuck away from my meals. Maybe try for a different separation of duties like above?

MoreChocPls · 05/04/2025 06:17

He really gives zero fucks about you.

RobinHeartella · 05/04/2025 06:14

It was mustard actually. Mustard in the mash. I can't find it though.

BigHeadBertha · 05/04/2025 06:08

Ugh. He sounds highly unappealing. Get rid of him.

Azureshores · 05/04/2025 06:04

He's a bully. He enjoys having power over you physically and mentally. Physically manhandling you when he knows you're feeling ill is his way of showing you he can overpower you and that is what he's doing with the cooking too - trying to control you and literally showing you that you must submit to his ideas and what HE wants bc he'll just ride roughshod over your feelings anyway. Then when you push back he resorts to childish name calling to presumably try to make you feel paranoid about your glasses?
Gaslighting on this scale (literally telling you that actually you DO like something that you've told him you don't) is extremely insidious.

You have to ask yourself why he's doing this? And none of the answers are good.

Poppins21 · 05/04/2025 06:01

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 05/04/2025 05:38

Does he have any good qualities?

It's easy to dismiss putting chilli on your burger as a minor irritation and people here aren't probably going to rush to tell you to LTB.

But what it says about his attitude towards you in general is not good. He's basically telling you that you either have to eat things you don't like or you have to cook your own separate meals, which will cost you time and money and create a disconnect between you as you then live more like housemates who cook and eat separately than a loving couple.

Being in a relationship is supposed to make your life easier and nicer than being single. Otherwise, there's really not a lot of point being in one.

My husband and I have two children under 4 and we both work full time. We are tired and preoccupied a lot of the time and my husband in particular can get very irritable. We don't always have a lot of time to connect as a couple. But that's precisely what makes the little things so important. When he brings me a coffee in bed in the morning, it's because he wants to make getting up a little easier for me. When he shops for and cooks a nice meal, it's because he wants to nourish and take care of our family. When I go through the odd sock bag and try to reunite his separated socks, it's because I care. Without our days being peppered with these small kindnesses towards each other, I don't think we would be happy together.

I can't get my head around a man deliberately making food he knows isn't to his wife's taste and then trying to gaslight her about it.

Spot on it’s the small everyday things that show love.

Bitethehandthatfeedsyou · 05/04/2025 06:00

I hate this for you. I hate cloves and my ex used to try and sneak them into food all the time seemingly as some sort of ‘gotcha’ so when he did manage to put them in something and I didn’t notice he’d go on and on about it. He was such a dick.

RobinHeartella · 05/04/2025 05:45

If this is the same poster with the cheesy mash, I think I remember that thread and she had kids if I recall correctly.

The food isn't even the worst bit. He picks you up when you don't want that? That is physically overpowering you. That's him showing you he's stronger than you so he can do something to your body whether you like it or not.

I'd be frightened of him in your position and take steps to get away. Obviously not simple with kids if you have them