For my 18 year old son to let me know what time he’ll be home after night out

@Iwannakeepondancing aw bless you. I bet we all felt like that when our DCs were six, but you will be able to cope when the time comes!

I understand. My daughter is 19 and now at uni. When she is there I obviously don’t know when she is home etc and that’s fine. But while at home, I do still wake and wonder if she is back yet. She doesn’t appear to get too drunk though (well not here any way!).

DD is 18 and in sixth form. I ask that she texts me when she is leaving and when she gets home, which she has done so far (although sometimes these are v close together). That way if I wake up in the night to no text, I know if she is still out. I wouldn't want to set a time she has to be home, as I would prefer she came home with friends. Maybe it feels different with boys.

I let my husband know when I am leaving ( he does the same for me) basic respect and not tracking. Maybe he could text when he is on his way home? Would that be a good compromise?

I don’t know how I’ll cope as mine is only 6 and I’m a worrier! I’d want the tracking app so I knew where he was. I know it’s an invasion of privacy but I’d like to think he’d not be doing anything I didn’t want him to anyway!
I totally understand why you want to know where yours is given he’s irresponsible!

When I was that age, and even younger than that, my mum never knew what time I’d be home, or even if I’d come home. Sometimes I’d rock up the evening after. We didn’t have a phone in the house. No mobiles in those days. Can you imagine

Your house, your rules. Simple as that. He could be 18 or 35 you are asking for some consideration as a person who lives with him. A valuable lesson to learn for when he (hopefully) has a partner and he considers their needs.

I wouldnt do what your doing Op. I know you love your son but he is technically old enough to be married with children. I dont mean to be at all disrespectful but getting him up when hes hung over to make sure he goes to work is not the right way to go. 18 or not he should have some sense of responsibility and it appears he hasnt. I would be stepping back and letting him get pissed and be late for work and face the consequences that go with it. Time he acted like the man he is, its on him to do this not you.

I sleep much better with DS being at Uni, he’s just home for Easter and I’ll be back to less sleep worrying if he’s in or not.

He won’t know what time he’s going to be home, so no point asking before he leaves.

I think as a courtesy he could let you know if he’s sleeping at someone else’s house, so you don’t worry in the morning when he’s not there. As he’s still at school you could also have rules about weeknights, i.e. he shouldn’t be out during the week until the early hours if he’s got school and you have work the next day.

I sympathise- ds is 18 and I can't relax or sleep when he's out. I am mindful that he's an adult, despite still being dependent on me, so I haven't set curfews since he was around 16-17 but I do expect him to answer if I call or message, which he does though not necessarily immediately, though I don't do it often anyway.

BUT, he doesn't drink, has never been late for school or sport and never sleeps past 8. If he was getting pissed to the point he couldn't look after himself and sleeping in and giving me a hard time for waking him I would not put up with it.

You have to let go but that also means not giving him loads of fun money and letting him be late for stuff if he's not being appreciative.

I get up a lot in the night so we had a system where he had to shut two internal doors that were opposite each other. He always remembered to do it.

I ask mine to let me know as a courtesy. When he was younger, he was often later than he said he would be, so I used to that now - but I do like to know when he gets home. I usually hear him come in, but I ask him to text me when he's heading home so I know to listen out. I go to sleep but I don't rest that well til he's in (that's my problem, not his though).

At 18 they came and went as they pleased really but they were quite courteous and would usually send a text if they were staying out all night so I’d see it when I got up in the morning.

I'm not yet in your position but when I was 18 I had moved several hundred miles away from home so my parents had no idea when I was home or not.
I'm sure it was difficult and worrying for them but they didn't feel the need to constantly check up on me