To say stay-at-home mums have it easier than full-time workers?

I was far more knackered and lost myself being a sahm to pre schoolers. It was constant. Working fulltime was then a break, having my routine, not responsible for childrens needs, being me again.

I’ve done both and find working way harder and all my dcs are in school.
I think if you are talking about preschool it’s very different to school aged as obviously if your kids are in school all day then it’s an absolute walk in the park as you have essentially loads of free time.
Obviously this doesn’t include parents of dcs with sn as that’s totally separate and it can be hugely difficult to work etc .
The only parents I know that can be sahp are usually either wealthy (often family inheritance etc ) or those on full benefits who don’t have to pay full rent or mortgage costs- that’s simply my experience.
Even when my dcs were small and I was a sahm it was so much easier to get stuff done , shopping, cleaning the house , random stuff like paperwork etc . Now it’s far more challenging, I’ve loads of work to catch up with at the weekend … and I have a dh who pulls his weight completely. We have 3 dcs , zero family support and we have to work due to col.

Depends on the person.
Depends on the job.
Depends on the child(ren).
Depends on the OH (or lack thereof).

It’s a bit of a silly question really. Both can be tough, both can be relatively easy.

For me, being a SAHM to 3 under 4years was a doddle, compared to working as a HCP in the NHS and trying to juggle nurseries and deadlines. The stress of trying to start my youngest into reception on "half days" when I'd gone back to work was just awful.
Everyone's different though and your friend sounds tedious and insensitive. Tell her to find a job.

The big message here is you weren't raising kids while working, so you have no idea how tought it is. I'm a nurse. I have to do everything a SAHM does + be on top of my work and work a full day + do it without any childcare or support.

But there’s a lot of things that are hard to do if you have two toddlers on your heels. I do most chores in the evening when dc are asleep (regardless of whether it’s my non working day or working day - I work PT)

When I worked full time, every 6 months someone would tell me how wonderful I was and give me a pay rise. I had job satisfaction, witty banter with my colleagues, and a great reputation in my industry and at the end of the day I went home.
When I gave up work to raise my children, I became invisible. I became another appliance in the house.. great to have around but you just don't think of it. It was relentless too. I had to become professionally selfless - the chipped plate, the cold food because the child needed you just as you were about to eat, forgoing events because it just wouldn't work for your baby too.

Of course now they are grown and all that effort is coming back to me in spades, but my god going to work was SO much easier.

I get defensive as I’ve had this so much over the years from other women. I’ve been at home with one small child or another since I was 22 and I’m 45 now, I’ve had a lifetime of it. I can’t help other people’s opinions.

Anyway, I’m glad I made my choices two decades ago as I found out recently my parents have passed me shitty genetics', the same death sentence from both sides. It’s more likely I will get it than not and the second I am diagnosed, I will take things into my own hands as I will not suffer the way they did.

I feel bad enough that my children may have the same risk (this all came to light after they were born), so I intend to spend every second I can with them, instead of doing a job I don’t want.

Both working and sah bring their own challenges I think. For me personally, maternity leave was the least stressed I've ever felt in my life. Perhaps your friend who's a SAHM would rather be working and that's why she has said these things to you.

That’s good you’re covered. You don’t need to get defensive about it. I was simply asking.

Would it make you feel better if I got a job?

We’re insured up to the eyeballs, always have been, even my healthcare is private and is excellent and I’m in good hands. But I doubt I will live to 60.

If dh were to die tomorrow, I’d be very much okay with no mortgage, savings, private life insurance, investments and death in service for his work and yes, he’s been lucky in his work life I would get his pension.

I’ll worry about my own life.

For me I think unfortunately it’s about money. I work FT in a demanding job and also have 2 kids under 10. I often feel overwhelmed and find myself daydreaming about being a SAHM. However, I only think being a SAHM would be the idealistic life I dream of if I had endless money to go on lovely days out, friends who were also SAHM’s. Also I like having my own money and feeling independent I am not sure I could rely on a man/DH going out to work all the time and funding everything. So, the reality is if I were to become a SAHM now I would be skint as we would be without my salary, it would get extremely lonely when the kids were at school as all my friends work. The daydream I have of lots of loaded women all living the dream shopping and going out for expensive lunches just wouldn’t be a reality so for now, I’ll take working even though I’m knackered!

I have been both. I would say they are very different and neither is easier all the time. Both have felt easier at different life stages.

Getting up for 2 night feeds, followed by a 6am commute... not so easy. Walking round the park at midday, husband away with work for 3 weeks having spoken to no-one for 4 days... also not so easy.

There’s a good chance you’ll get to retirement age now even in poor health. What if your husband dies before you? Will you get any of his pension then?

This is somewhat but not entirely true imo, from my experience working part-time.

A lot of the workload with young kids is just "churn" - change nappy, make food, clear food away, get out craft stuff, do craft, change nappy, tidy away, make snack, clear away, get out toys, clear away, make lunch, clear away, change nappy, put on coats, outside, back, put coats away, make food, clear up spills, wipe up mess, change nappy etc. So if someone else is looking after the kids, you don't have to do it. And the house doesn't get messy in the way it does if you're in it all day.

But then alongside the "churn", if you're at home with young kids, you do sometimes have a chance to crack on with other jobs that would need doing anyway like laundry, hoovering, tidying, cleaning bathrooms, cooking etc. in the time you would otherwise be at work.

So there's a partial benefit there but it depends on how much the "churn" overwhelms you.

My husbands excellent, final salary pension. And if he leaves me? I’ll get half. And half the mortgage free house. I doubt I’ll get close to retirement age though due to my heath and shitty, passed down genetics.

I’m not going to do a job I don’t want to for what ifs. I saw both my parents do that. One never made it anywhere close to pension age, the other - everything went on years in a care home.

We aren’t all the same. You might care, I don’t and that’s okay. I happy with my choices and so are my family. I intend to enjoy the life I have. I didn’t enjoy working.

SAHMs have all day to do all the things working mums have to cram into a few hours whilst also working. But apparently they're saints who work harder than working mums.

SAHP to multiple children under 4 who don’t sleep well, are strong-willed and demanding, are constantly ill, partner works out of the house for excessive hours, no local family to help- YABVU.

SAHP to 1 or more children under 4 who are with their parent all day, sleep well, are fairly healthy and easy to manage day-to-day- YABU.

SAHP to school aged children who don’t have significant health or educational needs- YANBU.

I don’t give two shits about a pension, I could get run over by a bus tomorrow.

ehhh? What a daft comment. what if you don’t get run over by a bus tomorrow ? What if you live until you are older? What are you going to live off?

I've been both.
It's a different kind of hard.
Sahm wasn't for me. I couldn't find like minded friends and just felt that I was failing. 10 mins at the park was like 10 hours.
I probably sounded like your friend.
Working part time meant the worst of both worlds too.
Be kind

Well I have six children 13-0, all homeschooled, plus goats, chickens, rabbits and a cat. DH works away a lot and my parents who are very supportive live the other end of the country so I only have help when they come to stay. I have some wonderful friends but I could only ask for help in an emergency as they are all mostly living the same lifestyle with larger families, animals etc. The house is large and the land fairly extensive, can't afford a cleaner or gardner. I am busy all day long and drop with exhaustion by the end of the day. But I love it. I would never compare myself to a mother who works outside the home, I consider myself very privileged and I can completely understand that juggling a career and family life must be very busy and challenging. I enjoy hearing about other peoples lives, but I dont see the need for comparison or sniping.

So true!

I have done both (albeit SAHM only for about 6 months). It was alright for a while but got very boring very quickly and keeping children entertained is draining when you're always on your own.

I love problem solving so my industry (accounting) has overall been interesting and often doesn't feel like work.

I went back PT and really enjoyed the role but the manager was toxic so had to resign but I'm still going to try again.

Absolutely. Working parents have to work and parent. And also depends on circumstances. Some SAHM also have a cleaner/ housekeeper. Unless the child is special needs, I think SAHM have it easier.

In my case?

apart from a few years in healthcare when I was younger I’ve been at home a long time.

I love it. I’ve had a very easy life. And no, I never wanted a career. I don’t give two shits about a pension, I could get run over by a bus tomorrow.

I’m not some sort of house slave. My husband is a grown adult who also looks after his home and children. I’ve never felt put upon. We aren’t rich, but www live in a cheap area of the country.

I’ve had a lot of crap comments over the years, mainly from other women, but it’s my life and I am happy.