To say stay-at-home mums have it easier than full-time workers?

OP's friend has school that bring up her children for her.

I've done both and yes staying at home was much easier and enjoyable

It's a pointless argument. Everyone in life has different circumstances and consequently different stressors and moans. It's like the 'who's the most tired' between parents of young children. There are no winners.

I found being at home hard. Going back to work was much easier. My hardest part was collecting at 4.30pm on a Tuesday and getting to Rainbows for 5.30pm my stressiest moment.

Well it all depends how you see it stay at home mum has kids 24/7 does all the housework life admin all appointments all school stuff .but makes no money maybe constantly bored looking after small children. Wftm has her own money gas adult chat during day .does housework and life admin as well if lucky good hubby and maybe cleaner or not .but someone else does majority of childcare basically someone else bringing up your kids mon-fri 9-5/6 .so all depends what you want .your kids your decision.

You both think the grass is greener on the other side of the fence.

It isn’t a competition. You are both probably busy/exausted for different reasons and have different priorities. Just because she’s at home doesn’t mean she’s any less tired at the end of the day.

You’re not being unreasonable, going back to work was shit and my two years maternity were probably the best of my life.

YANBU - I have been a SAHM during several maternity leave periods, and been a full time worker with small children. It is much harder working FT, because as well as the stress of work / commute etc, you have a shorter time to do all your household chores and prepare an evening meal whilst also trying to spend quality time with children you haven’t seen for the majority of the day. SAHPs can get their housework & cooking done during the day, leaving evenings & weekends just for spending quality time with the children as a family.

it’s not a competition, but inevitably doing more (I.e. adding in full time paid work as well as parenting & housework) in the same amount of time makes it much harder. However that’s not to say that SAHPs don’t also have it hard as well (although to note, I loved it, it seemed so easy and I have never been as well organised as I was on maternity leave!). For us the best plan has been for me to work PT 3 days a week and hopefully soon to move to PT 4 days a week but term time only (I’m not a teacher, but my children are all now at school with long holidays).

like you I found it frustrating when my SIL used to say she wished she could go to work “for a break” as my work is anything but a break! However you’ll never convince SAHMs that it’s easier not working, so it’s best just to grit your teeth and move the conversation on quickly. As an aside, my bugbear was when they would say “I’m a full time parent” in response when people asked what they did (in terms of work)…..I too am a full time parent, I don’t stop being a parent when I’m at work! SAHP is a much more accurate description.

For me personally I found mat leave a doddle compared to working. I do only have the one child and a supportive partner which helps. I think being a SAHM would be boring and tedious but not particularly hard.

Parents also always complain on here about the holidays and can't wait for them to go back to nursery and school I don't get that at all.

The vast majority of people don't get enough annual leave (even between two people) to cover the school holidays, so balancing them and work is incredibly stressful. Often it involves running them to and from holiday clubs or winging it so can probably imagine why holidays are more stressful. I'm sure if people didn't work so didn't have to worry and juggle that and knew they'd soon have time to themselves they'd spend less time wishing the holidays away.

That’s completely fine and I have no problem with your choices. I was just baffled by the comment that you don’t care if you have a pension because you might get hit by a bus tomorrow which is obviously ridiculous. But clearly you do have a pension- your DH’s -so that’s fine.

I think it’s subjective. Depends on different factors I suppose, some mums have easy going babies and children, some have more demanding or challenging ones, some have kids with complex care needs, some are bored stiff because their LO naps and some have no free time because theirs don’t. Some mums can’t get anything done and some seem to do it all. Also depends on how much help you have from partner and family. Similarly everyone’s jobs are different, if you have a toxic workplace, are under stress, under paid and overworked, your days are going to be shit. But some love their jobs and experience the opposite. It’s all relative I think

There was a thread on here yesterday about how hard a mum found maternity leave. They would obviously not be happy being a SAHM. A lot of people said they went back to work early. Parents also always complain on here about the holidays and can't wait for them to go back to nursery and school I don't get that at all. I loved being a SAHM to my 4 and looked forward to the holidays to spend time with them.

Well could be to promote traffic to the site.

Call me cynical but there are a lot of posts started recently by apparently new/renamed posters that have titles which are likely to be provocative, then the OP settles in to moderate/keep the debate going. Or 'unpack it' as this OP says. Stylistically the threads are very similar. Quite a few members have already called it out on other threads.

But who am I to spoil the fun of an aspiring Mrs Merton?

Ffs are we will doing this in 2025?...

Having done both, being a SAHM was easier for me.

sahm pArents forget working parents work and look after their children & home in non paid work hours and have it so much harder

@kaela100 - how do you work a full day and have no childcare for your children?

I personally found staying at home so so much easier. Not because of the tasks - regardless of your life you will always come across challenges and times where things are a breeze - but because there is an exhaustion that happens when you have to mentally switch from one mode to another (as in work mode and mum mode) - there are studies on this - decision making fatigue.

I went back to work eventually because we needed the money and the “workaholic” in me craved work - and I do believe that there are people that naturally enjoy spending long periods of time with children (for instance teachers and nursery staff), not everyone is geared to do it, as not everyone is geared to do certain jobs or even have a career - but I now have a more balanced work life as I’m part time and have a small business.

I joked with one of my close SAHM at the time - we both now work, but we would say life was so much simpler when we didn’t - again we had our challenges - but the fact I could catch up with friends in the week at midday when the sun was still shining, do groceries, do a daytime hobby, go for a jog after the school run, attend a conference out of leisure vs only having 2-3 days (the weekend and the evenings where I’m just exhausted) to cram in all life admin is hard.

This isn’t about judging women’s life choices - but for those of us that have been in positions where we have done both - there are benefits and downfalls to both - and I think more women should be in positions where they can choose without feeling guilty that they are seen as doing nothing as a SAHM or never present because they’ve chosen to work.

There was a crossover of 3 years, where I did both. Work was still easier. I think it's the appreciation (or lack thereof) and the unrelenting nature. I thought it would get easier when work wasn't in the picture, but it actually got harder because there was no "me" time. No time to think about considered responses to situations (probably because the responses were no brainers). I think it's society's decision that a SAHM is a non-job, and when you've had a worthwhile career suddenly becoming disenfranchised is hard.

Being a sahm when eldest DC was small was awful and very lonely - no car, public transport inaccessible no rhyme time, stay and play or nurseries. Highlight of the day was a walk to the shops. DH came home late but admittedly stepped up his act when I did get a part time job and helped with school run and everything else.
Mat leave with youngest DC was so much better and so many things to do with them I would have loved to stay at home longer.

I’ve done both, found both just as exhausting but for different reasons.

Have worked and stayed home. Full time job difficult as alot to do in the evenings. Sahm easier when they at school. Hard with young kids though. My sister brings hers to their sports she def busy. Not sitting around. So both bring their own stresses.