niece ghosting us now she's found her real dad

56 replies

DooWapDooWap · 04/04/2025 19:19

Names are not real..

My niece (Bree) is 25. She's biologically my step-niece although my brother (Adam) was never married to her mum (Emma). Bree was 18 months old when Adam met Emma. Bree was the result of a holiday fling and her bio dad gave Emma fake contact details so she had no way of finding him to tell him about the pregnancy.

Adam brought Bree up as his own. He has no children of his own.
When Bree was 12, Adam and Emma split up but Adam still saw Bree regularly and she stayed over at his house every weekend.

Fast forward to 3 years ago and Bree did an ancestry dna and discovered a half sibling. Last year she met with her bio family. They are about 3 hours from us so she doesn't seem them that often but has been been on holiday with them and spent Christmas with them.

My poor brother doesn't see anything of her anymore. He brought that girl up as his own. He's done absolutely nothing wrong but she hasn't spoken to him since February. Bree moved in with her boyfriend in January and she never have Adam her new address. He knows the town she's in but not the address and she doesn't answer her phone to him or anything. Same for me and my mum, who treated her like a grandchild. She's completely ghosted us.

None of us have contact info for Emma

Am I, or are we, being unreasonable to be upset and hurt that she's dropped us?

OP posts:

ConfessionsOfaSecretAgent · 04/04/2025 19:41

Did she know your DB wasn't her bio dad?

If not, you have to try and see it through her eyes. She's likely found out her full life has been a lie.

If she did know, she's an adult and in the position of meeting her new relatives and learning where she comes from. It's a lot to process. She will still be balancing her new relationship with her boyfriend and juggling work and everything else. Your parents are really not a priority at that age. She is out there exploring the world. She will reach out when she's ready.

musicinme · 04/04/2025 19:41

UndermyShoeJoe · 04/04/2025 19:31

Unfortunately that’s not a rare occurrence even with adoption where the child live with one or none of the biological often once the biological is found the adoptive parent/s can be either slowly pushed out of dropped like a hot turd only required when the now adult child needs/wants something.

People like to say biological means nothing but actually often there is a strong built in desire to be with your own so to speak especially if you haven’t been able to grow up as one of them.

Just wanted to comment on this.

I have five adopted children (now all adults in their 30s) and none of them have ever acted this way. Several have found biological half siblings but we have all become one happy family. None of them have wanted to have a relationship with their biological parents or exclude us or each other.

I have also been a foster carer for many years, and although several now adult young people have reconnected with their families they have continued to remain part of our family too. Only one child left at 18 to return to their family, they came back "home" (their words) within months.

So although your scenario may happen, it has not happened in my particular experience.

UndermyShoeJoe · 04/04/2025 19:31

People like to say biological means nothing but actually often there is a strong built in desire to be with your own so to speak especially if you haven’t been able to grow up as one of them.

Silvertulips · 04/04/2025 19:29

She’s 25! Living her life wrapped up in a new man and new family. She’ll be back.

Send her some money! Usually does the trick.

Nameychangington · 04/04/2025 19:25

Bio dad, not 'real' dad.

nomas · 04/04/2025 19:24

Cut her some slack, she’s enjoying having new found relatives.

Reach out to her in a couple of months, the novelty should have worn off bybthen.

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