To ask: have you ever had someone just stop speaking to you for no reason?

I think it can be hugely painful and take immense bravery to ghost. It’s one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. To this day I’m still grieving the friendship that was until her toxic behaviour (not just to me but long term affair behind her husbands back that I had zero knowledge of) drove wedges that were too great to mend. This also included her treatment of her godchild (my child) and her unwillingness to open up when I suspected she was struggling and asked time and time and time again if she was ok, could I help her etc. turns out she was a mess because the affair partner ended it after a decade and moved on with his life and someone else. I had no words in the end.

Yes, a work friend who id have counted as a friend in real life. Children the same age, visits to each others homes regularly. One day we met for coffee, hugged goodbye etc and next time I tried to arrange they were ‘busy’. Then again ‘too busy’. And so on. It’s been 5yrs of no contact. I think back to the last meeting sometimes and think, what did I say? Was I unintentionally rude or impolite? I’ve come to the conclusion that at that time things were going well for me, and they were not for her. Obviously I was a supportive friend, but I think being around me highlighted her own shortcomings as she saw them so she cut me out. It’s rarely about ‘you’ OP, waaaaay more likely to be about them and how they’re feeling. It hurt for a bit, but we move on. 🙂

That's just pure manipulation. I expect she has a strong history of falling out with and//or punishing people.

Over 40 years ago I was friendly with another young mum at work. She came to a couple of events with DH and I, her DD was younger than our DC but we all got on. She then started going out with our manager, who was married at the time, and she just stopped speaking to me.

It was difficult at work, I was baffled and hurt, another friend tried to find out why, to no avail. She married the manager, I moved on but it really upset me at the time. It made me wary about becoming friendly with colleagues for a long time. I hadn't thought about her for years til I saw this thread.

My BF stopped talking to me, we’d been to school together and were in our early 30s and one day she just stopped responding to me (this was in the early days of mobile phones, so no blocking etc). I rang and left messages, even continued to send birthday cards etc. I was really worried so I called her Mum, her Mum said she was struggling with her MH and not to take it personally, she wasn’t soaking to anyone but her immediate family.

she added me a few years later on FB and Insta but we never really got talking again. She deactivated her accounts then pops back up now and again, but it’s clear she’s struggling. I did feel very hurt, but could understand that it wasn’t out of being nasty, I di genuinely believe she was struggling with her Mh.

Yes 3 times in the last 5 years. I wracked my brain wondering what I did wrong. I asked I tried making an effort. Nada. I do think decent people don't behave like this. But not gonna lie hurt like hell at the time

I find it hugely difficult when people won't put time into a friendship that would.
How long does it take to send a text or whatsap?

I have to learn to let people go and I don't think that is easy.

I'm thinking of doing this at the moment. I have a friend who has a relationship with someone online they have phone sex but have never met or face timed. My friend has no idea who he is. Years after it started, I've reached my limit hearing about it. I've expressed concern and have tried to get my friend to really think about this, but she is being led by emotion for someone she doesn't know. When we meet, she talks about him a lot. I need a break from it now.tbh... she would never understand my needing a break from her / her situation, but j find it really depressing to listen to.

Yes my sil. She was furious at me. I asked her what I had fine and she said if I dint know that's haif the problem. I honestly wracked my brains , I generally didn't do anything. I can only assume someone had said something to her that I have done or said. But I honestly didn't do or say anything !

Yes.

then after months of nothing she reappeared /messaged with no warning or explanation.

my bf at the time encouraged me to give her a chance. We met and had a nice day out, I didn’t raise it and then SHE GHOSTED ME AGAIN!!!!

Laura J you hurt my feelings! A lot! 😅😅😅
a decade on I can laugh but it cut deep at the time

That's not "for no reason" though is it.

@GutsyBrickMoose what makes you ask this question? Do you have experience of friendship ghosting?

Journalist?

OP which publication are you writing for?

Yes, school mum friend, we did stuff together with and without kids several days per week. Just stopped wanting to do stuff and now refuses to talk to me at all other than an occasional hello. Awkwardly our daughters are close friends at school but she is never invited to play even though we have had their daughter round.

She has done this to another woman I know too, so I think its her issue.

It's been a few years now but I really wish I asked her at the time what the problem was. 1 more school year though and I won't need to see her again. I can't wait.

Yup. A friend has been flaky for years and I've just gone along with it and chased her up periodically, initiating contact so we didn't lose touch.
Just over two years ago, she messaged me at Christmas, saying we should get together and asking when I was free. I replied with dates and said I'd love to catch up. Have heard nothing from her since and have stopped chasing now.
I know she's fine as her social media is full of her busy life/work/grandchildren etc.
I think I've finally accepted she's a crappy friend, and it's not a "me" thing.
(Gosh that was quite therapeutic and liberating! )

It’s happened to me… I thought we got on well, she also gave me that impression.

She said I was the only person she could speak honestly to.

then one day “poof” !!!! GONE.

no explanation, nothing

Yep, happened to me once. Sent her three texts over a couple of weeks, and then two emails over the next few weeks and then I just stoped hassling her.

We used to see each other about once a fortnight and text every other day babysat one another kids and went out for drinks and coffee - we were good friends, so it was pretty noticeable. Every now and then I wonder why.

But I know I did nothing wrong so either: she was going on bad information and wasn't a true friend anyway, or had her own reasons that had nothing to do with me.

The reason people get ghosted is usually that they are clingy, needy and demanding and the person knows they will want an exit interview that they're not owed. The person doing the ghosting owes you nothing at all, no matter how much you wish they did and all the "yes but that makes them a nasty person!" crap doesn't matter to them.

It's either that or there is a reason you just don't know.

Either way, nothing at all you can do about it, so just move on. Anyone who craps on long afterwards about being ghosted has just proved why they were ghosted.

But this is assuming it is an active thing when I don't hear from somome I assume they are just getting on with their life i don't assume it is anything to do with me, I don't think they have made an active decision to stop contact with me

When I stopped going to church a couple of people stopped having anything to do with me. I didn't care as I'm not interested in conditional friendships like that.

If someone stops speaking to me, then there will be a reason. The position I take on that is that if they have a problem with me or something, they can talk to me about it. If they don't, their problem.

someone I thought was my best friend did this. I don’t know the reason. Reading people say they don’t regret doing it shows they have no idea how painful ghosting someone is. I needed counselling after to deal with it. Grow a backbone and say a goodbye, it’s much kinder. Ghosting is cowardly and cruel

I’ve actually done it for the first time recently. I had a choice of messaging her and saying for the love of god just stop messaging me or to just block her
(We’ve never met in person)
Met online in a support group and she just bombarded me. Even booked a weekend in my home town and messaged me literally the night before to tell me. Luckily she started the conversation asking how I was and I genuinely was really poorly and had tested positive for Covid (vulnerable local friend)
she still came for the weekend it turned out but blocked me from seeing her (usually daily) instagram posts
when I re developed the issue we’d ‘met’ over I just … I couldn’t do it/take it again
blocked her on everything because she exhausted me
i had stopped responding to anything other than absolute direct messages over time and muted stories etc
I do feel guilty but either way I was going to hurt her feelings

Or juat simply moved on, i have lost contact with people and people have lost contact with me, there does not have to be anything behind it same with the 'they're just jealous' I think people come up with scenarios to make themselves feel better rather than accepting people move on

Survivor's guilt

Yes. BIL and SIL. No idea why they suddenly dropped contact. We invited them to our wedding this year, they can’t come which is fair enough - but not even a congrats text message received 🤷🏻‍♀️.

Yes. In my early 20s made friends with a colleague who wasn't in my department but who I bumped into in the ladies crying as her father had just died. We socialised together with other friends, became close and stayed in touch when I moved abroad, meeting up on my twice-yearly visits home. She lived rurally and after a night out she would drive me back to my parents' house where I was staying Sometimes we'd sit in the car and talk for a long time too. If you'd asked me then I would have said she'd be a lifelong friend. Later I got married, she commented on my photos on Facebook and then...nothing. I later wrote her an email asking if I had done anything wrong, she replied normally (nothing mean or cold) and said of course not. Never heard from her again. It was deeply deeply upsetting and took me years to get over. Twenty years later I'd still like to see her again just to ask her why.

Yes. A group of 3 friends and one was going through a divorce. The other friend gave some advice which wasn’t taken well by the first friend. Not long after myself and the friend who was getting divorced had been blocked by the other friend. I felt really upset to be blocked for no reason as I hadn’t fallen out with anyone!
around 18 months later the friend got back in touch with us both and after a lot of talking she admitted she’d been in a really bad place from a mental health point of view and thought that we hated her.
it was all a bit strained for a while but she apologised and we were able to continue the friendship