To ask: have you ever had someone just stop speaking to you for no reason?

I’m sorry you went through all
of that. For what it’s worth, I really don’t see anything wrong with the way you reacted. You should be proud that you got rid of toxic people in your life

When I was about 20 I went through a horrific breakup (emotional abuse involved) and I was pieces for months. When I told one of my closest friends about it she burst out laughing and asked why I have such crap taste in men. Then immediately started talking about her new boyfriend and how lovely he was. A short while later I read her blog online (which she knew I followed) and she'd written an new post slagging off my parents.

Never spoke to her again and didn't explain why.

But at the same time I'm not particularly proud of it and now I'm older/through that God awful phase I do think I should've explained why she'd hurt me so much. At the time I couldn't even bear to have the conversation, I was so upset.

What you are failing to understand is that sometimes our “loved ones” don’t deserve an explanation.

Ghosting someone you’re close to is incredibly immature. I’m amazed that anyone is defending this behaviour. It’s normal to be upset if a loved one stops speaking to you. It’s normal to care about people and relationships!

I have friends I’ve drifted from, but only one who actually ghosted me. One of my best friends stop speaking to me in our late teens. We had been super close. I was pretty upset. When we run into each other, she behaves really chummily, which is baffling. And she added me on social media – bizarre. From what I can see, she’s a troubled person who hasn’t made much progress in life. I still care for her, though, and wish her well.

Yes. I was friends with a girl at work. I used to stay with her for weekends etc., for a while when we were both single. We both then met our boyfriends, so that aspect ended, but we stay friendly at work - or so I thought.

She announced one day that she was getting married and moving to a different part of the country as her boyfriend had a new job elsewhere. She arranged a leaving do with the girls at work - but I wasn't invited. Others asked why I wasn't going and were surprised when I said I hadn't been included.

She left the company shortly after the leaving do. I did sign her card and make a donation. But I never heard from her again.

I have often wondered what I did wrong.

You think cutting off my physically abusive parent without explanation is childish?

@WhereIsMyJumper if you are referring to the opposite then I'm sorry I misunderstood

Open your eyes and understand what pp are writing. Many of us did ask and were fobbed off.
We are not helpless waiting to be rescued - we attempted to understand.

Wow, does your day feel better for posting this?Have a word with yourself

Happened to me with the mum of my son's friend at school.

I didn't do anything. I never found out why she did it.

She had a lot going on with issues with her husband and mental health issues with another son.

This was years ago now. Recently she walked past me and blanked me again. I just laughed.

I really want to know what I did wrong.

Yes, but wasn’t just to me, but to each of our friend group of five. As others have said, it can’t have been for no reason, even if it appears so. I get some people don’t like confrontation, but to me it’s very childish and overly dramatic. If they reappear in the future then I’m likely going to say thanks but no thanks - I’m not dealing with that sort of avoidant behaviour.

Not the same but there’s a mum from ds11 class who doesn’t speak to me, gives me death stares etc. I have absolutely no clue why. This is for the past 6 years. I started thinking maybe I’d went to school with her in the 90’s and shifted her boyfriend or something at a disco but then I found out she’s from another county the far side of Ireland so ours paths have never crossed. She has a girl in ds’s class and they are not particularly friends or anything so I don’t have much to do with them other than at school events or if I see her in the village. So weird.

Every single person who freaks out about being ghosted has proven why you were ghosted. You're a desperate, needy, clingy loon. And the more you crap on about it and try to shriek abuse at me for it - the more you show that's what you are. 😅😁😂

Nah. Don't be a twat. If it takes you years to move on from being ghosted you should come with a warning label "Loony, avoid befriending"

I don't care, at all, if that offends you. In fact, I will consider it funny if it does :)

Yes, a previous friend. He and I used to be really good friends and then he ghosted me about 5 years ago. But we have friends in common and he did it to a few of them over the years so although I was hurt at the time, I’m pretty sure it was him problem and not me or them.

ETA - I did once reach out after about a year to say that if it was something I’d done I was sorry and it would be nice to get back in contact. But no reply. Then I bumped into him about a year ago with his wife and kids. I know his wife so we chatted away happily and introduced our kids. He said hello but didn’t really engage. It was odd, but again, clarified that it was probably a him thing and not me.

But you did act clingy, needy and demanding with all those chasing texts and emails. ONE message is enough.

And to cut someone off without explanation IS cruel; it’s harder to move from someone when they do this and you drive yourself mental wondering WHY, even if you don’t “harp on about it”.

Lots of ghostees suffer in silence and for some it can take years to move on because there has been no explanation. It’s entirely natural to wonder what the fuck happened.

Nah. It's the total opposite. If someone has done something bad enough for you to dump them they deserve absolutely zilch, zero, no response at all.

If you do get it wrong, it won't matter since you'll never know because you've ditched them, and there are always other people to befriend.

And it is really childish to go running after people who want you to get lost. It's the most adult thing in the world to not give any oxygen to drama llama ding dongs who think they have a right to smash other people's boundaries.

Also, just because you are the main character in your own life doesn't make you the main character in everyone else's. When it happened to me, I knew I had done nothing wrong, so obviously something had happened at her end. I knew though a friend of a friend she wasn't dead, so her choice had nothing to do with me. I moved on, like an adult.

I just cannot understand why someone can’t have an adult conversation with people in these situations. If someone has done something that bad that you deem it necessary to cut them out of their lives, isn’t it at least worth it to ask for an explanation?? It could just be a misunderstanding and you’d never know. It’s like a trial in absentia… “I have judged you and found you guilty without ever allowing you to take the stand and put your point across” I just think it’s very childish

Yes, we were close enough to spend weekends staying at each other’s houses, then I just got dropped. Messages, cards, letters fell into a black hole. Never knew what, if anything, had happened. Whether it was me, or the fact that she had 3 kids with a small age gap- but I sent Christmas cards for years, putting my phone number in them and new addresses, hoping she would get back in touch. I still find it hurtful and I wish we were still friends.

I agree that some women don’t like it when your circumstances change. In their heads they’re happy to put you into a ‘I pity this woman, her life is terrible compared with mine so I am keeping her as a friend so I can feel great about my life’ box.

Then your situation changes, you get a new partner, promotion, have a baby, inheritance, move house whatever, and suddenly you’re out of their pity box and they can’t handle it and they detach from the friendship.

They’re basically insecure and jealous and deep down rather horrible women. You quickly wise up to them and are def better off without them.

What a mysterious comment

The poster is very unlikely to be a journalist as she has misused the word ignorant

Yes we had been very good friends. Been away together, all that sort of thing. She did confide in me that since meeting her now dh, she had lost contact with several close friends.
I had 2 hen dos and she didn’t come to either. Made excuses for both. Said she might be going away which I knew was a lie. I had gone on both of hers even though it wasn’t my thing.
We had a WhatsApp group just 4 of us, again very close friends.
We met as couples but it had to be either a Sunday night or Monday night. We all went along with this at first. Then I said I wasn’t meeting up then as I had work the next day.
We arranged a meet up and she only wanted to meet at the venue her dh worked at. It isn’t really suitable for a good night out, more a couples venue and it was inconvenient for one friend, too far away. She then insisted we changed the date which happened to be not great for me but I agreed. We settled on a venue which was convenient for all 4 of us and she never came.
She then backed out of our annual trip away.
Our mutual friend made one last attempt to organise a meet up but she never responded.
This was several years ago and I’ve never heard or seen from her since.

Some times it is down to jealousy- the friend can’t cope seeing / hearing your success and can’t communicate it as they are struggling so much.

sometimes it’s a lack of being able to deal with confrontation of perceived unreasonable behaviour

So I have had this and the friend had months later reconnected and said they had a lot going on (turns out she was having an affair and I am also friends with her husband so wanted to distance me)

then she did it again and tried to reconnect again and I blocked her and refused all contact- I can’t be manipulated like that

i have also faded out friends though too (2 in total) and this was because they were toxic and dangerous and would not handle the truth or a challenging conversation without twisting it- both compulsive liars who lied and tried to break up friendships with other people as they became possessive of me. One lied about having cancer and the other about a different illness, among other things.

Yes a very old friend and was upset, she had moved overseas and just had a baby. She sent a thank you card for the gift I sent, that was the last communication. Fast forward and it turned out she did the same to all the girls from back home. Basically anyone she met before University, she did stay in touch with her University friends. She actually died in her early fifties, I didn’t find out for a few months until after she died.