To ask: have you ever had someone just stop speaking to you for no reason?

Yes. We’d been friends for years, raised our children together. Then she went silent. It’s no exaggeration to say I was devastated. We were so close and I was also worried what I could have done to deserve this treatment.
After a few years, circumstances meant we ended up being back in touch. She’d had a tough few years and this is the reason she withdrew. I’m so glad to have her back and know she is okay, but will always feel hurt that she didn’t trust me enough to confide in me.

Yes a woman I worked with.

dropped her home one day and the next day she just cut me dead, not a word. For almost 2 years she behaved like an absolute child. No idea what her problem was, definitely unstable. People used to laugh about her behind her back.

Yes. In the first couple of years my wife and I were together, we still had our own places in different areas, but eventually moved into my place as she had been wanting to sell hers for a while. Prior to this we'd been really good friends with my wife's neighbor Jane, used to hang out all the time in each other's houses, go for drinks, and even went on holiday together.

My wife told both sets of neighbours she was planning to sell her house and this neighbour became very aloof with us, and the next few times we saw her, both of us felt she was outright rude. We then got our own place together a few months later and invited Jane and the other neighbors round for drinks in our Whatsapp group. She completely ignored the message. We saw her again at another get together with another friend and she just walked out.

We carried on for a while making sure to invite her to any social events and messaging periodically but she clearly didn't want to talk to either of us. I still to this day have no idea what we've done to upset her and it's now been 5 years. Our friends and other old neighbors have attempted to get to the bottom of it too, but she refuses to talk about it....

My daughter made a really good friend in the last two years of school and, after a while, the girl's mum and I would message each other about plans for who was picking them up or taking them somewhere. The messages became more chatty and we'd run into each other here and there and SHE asked ME to go for coffee one day. We did and got on really well and SHE asked me over to hers a few weeks later, which again went really well. She came to mine, same thing. Nice, thought I was making a nice, if casual friend.

I messaged her about meeting again and got no reply. Sent two further messages in about a two week span, as I know her job is very busy and stressful. Eventually got a terse reply that she was too busy to meet up any more ever.

Despite it only being a few meetings, I was really hurt and searched my brain for what I might have inadvertently said or done, but I can't think of anything. I'm certainly not going to get in touch and say, "What did I do? Why won't you be my friend any more?" but if I'm honest, I'm still very tender about it and it's made me pull back a bit from people.

Her daughter and mine are still great friends, incidentally, so...who knows??

Yep. I met a guy through an introduction agency (not online). We quickly realised there was no romantic future but we felt a connection and I spent the next six or eight months seeing him most weeks - he was the closest thing to a brother. We told each other about our dates through the agency and just had a good time going to galleries, out for lunch and just gossiping. He had mostly female friends and was pretty social and was fun to be with.
He eventually met a girl he liked and told me all about her and invited me over to meet her and she seemed very nice and I was happy for him.
Then I think in an exchange I was a bit rude about something, I can’t remember what but I think I did offend him a bit. I didn’t think it was that big a deal but I emailed a heartfelt apology the next day.
But then nothing. I wrote one more time. He never communicated with me again.
A friend told me once that she made a new friend about a year before she got married. This new friend was enthusiastic and helped out a lot with the planning and organising. My friend was grateful and they seemed to get on like a house on fire. Then out of the blue the day before the wedding the woman called my friend and said she couldn’t make it to the wedding. She never heard from her again, despite reaching out to her a few times.

No but I have done it once. I had a ‘friend’ that constantly flirted with my boyfriend, it was just so irritating. Then she passed along info about a job that she was offered but refused as it wasn’t a good fit for her. I got the job, several months later she lost Her job and made snide comments that my job should have been hers! Not jokingly, full of anger. The last straw was inviting her to see our new house and new baby and she exclaimed ‘I wouldn’t like this at all! It’s too big, no I’d hate a house like this’.

I cut her off; she wrote me letters asking what she did wrong. I never responded, I gave her the chop and that was that.

I made a good friend of one of the school mums while my eldest was in primary school. I was divorced at the time with a volatile ex but had started to come out the other side and felt more in control.
She was in the middle of a seemingly coercive relationship and relied on me a lot for support. She eventually LTB and we continued to be close.
I met someone else and had another baby, though we still saw each other very regularly and after a while she just cut me off.
I was quite willing to accept that I must have upset her in some way and wanted to make amends (had no idea what though), but she refused point blank to discuss it with me.
i was absolutely devastated, that was 10 years ago and I still have no idea why.
Fortunately our kids have moved on so our paths don’t cross anymore.

Thinking about it, I did this too. Caught my friend/colleague snorting lines off the kitchen work top.

She begged me not to tell her work. I didn't.

I’d had a dreadful day out with her and her ‘friends’ who were definitely taking advantage of her (and me). I’d only gone to hers to drop off a Christmas card and have a coffee!

Never contacted her again, but she knows why.

Yes, best friend from school. I moved to a different country with DH but always kept in touch and tried to meet every time we were back. It started with not replying to my messages until we'd left the country again ( things like would have been nice to meet but I've had flu) .This happened every time. Eventually she stopped replying completely. I sent a couple of hope you're well messages a few months apart- nothing back. I've tried to forget about her now. I know she's OK ( well as far as we can tell) as my family have bumped into her ( small community). DH thinks it might be because I'm in a place she would like to be, married with kids, while she's single, it's possible but my life isn't always rosy either!

Sort of. It was always me going the extra mile in the friendship and making the effort, particularly after she had children, but I enjoyed her company and her children so I didn’t really mind. When I had ds1 though I couldn’t really afford to drop everything for her anymore and I think she took it as a bit of a slight. One time she even stood me up for lunch because she forgot. I kept in touch but she was always suggesting meeting up and then not following through with making arrangements. We did eventually meet up again after I had ds2, which I now realise she just wanted to meet him and wasn’t really interested. Never saw her again after that even though the meet up was lovely. She just stopped bothering to reply and I couldn’t be bothered to keep pressing it so I let it lapse. A few years later she must have got wind of my dad dying and me getting divorced so she asked me if I wanted to meet for a chat. The cynical side of me just thought she just wants to meet up to hear what my life is like so I just left her on read.

I am ashamed to say I did ghost someone a few years ago. She has two children the same age as my two. But her dd was always so badly behaved and awful. I mean I’m tolerant of children mostly but her dd was dreadful and the last time we met up she pushed my ds1 over and caused him to rip his trousers. My friend sort of did a sing song laugh?!?! When we got in the car to go home my ds1 cried and said that he didn’t want to see them again. He is also usually tolerant of most children so I knew it had taken him a lot to say that. So when my friend asked to meet up again I stopped replying. It wasn’t nice because I really liked her but she was incapable of telling her dd off. I didn’t feel I could tell her the reason.

Because you didn't invite her to your wedding?

Yep she has gone to my hairdresser and friend of 10 years and slagged me off. How sad.

Yes this has happened a few times. In return, I do not contact them or ask them why. If that is what they want, fine with me.

A friend did this. She had a wedding abroad at the peak of COVID and I couldn’t make it due to paperwork falling through - I paid her back expenses though (and had paid for everything). We caught up twice a few months later then I never heard from her again - until a mutual friend years later said that she was hurt by my behaviour.

I felt that our friendship was going down hill for a while; and maybe this was just the breaking point. Years later she got back in touch.

I’ve also been on the other end with an aunt of mine. She would call me because she needed someone to keep an eye on her son - but her son was beyond help and getting involved in dodgy stuff. She has shouted at me a few times - I’ve cried after some conversations. - and although I would tell her that I can’t help (and other family members had given up for similar reasons) - she wouldn’t listen. So I stopped answering for a while - and a while turned into months. But I was also going through my own stuff with health.

Sorry I didn't really make that clear - it was a long time ago that I explained how I felt, but this person still continues the same behaviours that I told them I don't like (and there are other things too - someone upthread mentioned a visceral reaction which is what I have to this person, even via text.)

They (possibly) don't understand why I'm ghosting them now as I have spoken to and seen them in the time since I asked them to stop texting constantly/leaving gifts etc.

I just think that since I explained it clearly- which they won't have forgotten - they know exactly what they're doing and should therefore know why I'm keeping my distance- but their behaviour suggests that it's a mystery to them.

Not a friend but a server in a diner I've regularly frequented for around 3 years. She was always really friendly and then suddenly she was making a point of serving any table but ours and blanking us. I've smiled and nodded at her, obviously thinking she was just really stressed, but it's been six months now and I know it's deliberately directed at us. She's fine with everyone else. I have absolutely no idea what we've done. We're just ordinary people, not riotous or difficult, always tip well and always polite. I've wracked my brains to pin point something no matter how trivial, but there really is nothing. It's such a shame.

Yes, we were close friends & worked together too, very awkward & I was extremely hurt at the time. It's really tough but you just have to accept it & move on.
We're friendly again now ( years later) but I'd never really trust her.
All I would add is that it won't be for nothing. There will be some reason, you might not be able to see it yet but there will be something.

If you made it clear how you felt you did give an explanation to the reason your friendship ended. I agree their behaviour is toxic but I’m sorry I do also think it’s toxic to disappear without explanation which isn’t what you did. I don’t get your point tbh

glad you ended the toxicity though for your own growth and happiness

Although I have never ghosted anyone or ever been ghosted, I am watching a very dear friend of mine pretty much go through this now with a close friend of hers and the only thing big that happens is that my friend lost her mum. And the other friend has just refused to speak to her since. It really breaks my heart when she is going through such a vulnerable time and one of her closest friends of decades can just drop her like that

Yes, because that’s what I said.

Im obviously not referring to situations that are dangerous for your physical and mental health.

But there are so many stories of people just being cut off for no reason whatsoever after seemingly doing absolutely nothing wrong because people seem to think relationships and disposable and you can just ‘make new friends’

In all HEALTHY relationships, you should be able to have a grown up conversation with someone about why they have upset you. Two normal adults should be able to discuss something to a point where they can at least see eye to eye and fix the issue. If you try and they don’t listen or laugh at you or have a go at you or whatever then fine, walk away.
If a friend did or said something to upset me, I would want to at least discuss that with them

I have ghosted someone and am continuing to do so. (This person was a friend- but the intensity of this friendship was kind of forced on me against my will and was way too much). Despite finding it incredibly hard to assert my boundaries, I did force myself to say exactly how I felt to this person YEARS ago. It was awkward for me but they'd pushed me to that point (their behaviour was and is pretty much that of a stalker).

They used to say weirdly inappropriate things which made me feel awkward. I made it very clear that it was too much and asked them to stop. They gave a total non-apology, then about a week later carried on as if I'd said nothing. They're not stupid. Their behaviour is toxic, not mine.

Twice. Currently dealing with a whole bunch who’ve frozen me out, but although they’ll never say why, the reason is extremely clear. I’m tainted by association with the last person they cut out. They’re a mean girls bunch anyway, and it would have been my turn sooner or later anyway. They have a high level of churn.

The first time was harder. A good friend went very quiet then said she was dropping me for what sounded like a spurious reason. I had no idea what was actually behind it until over a decade later when I was on the relationships board here, when a post triggered me realising I’d done a truly awful thing to her at my wedding. Through ignorance and prioritising DH’s wishes over her mental health. It was a mistake, but the reason is irrelevant; I still did it.

Whatever the reason is, it’s valid to them. It doesn’t honestly matter whether it’s valid to you, or whether you understand. You might never know. But if they are dropping you instead of talking to you then it’s not something they want you to fix, I’m sorry.

Yes. It’s horrible and plays on my mind sometimes still.

You did precisely the right thing. Either she was being deliberately dreadful on purpose, for fun and laughs, or she is completely and totally incapable of behaving like a normal person.

Why do you think you should have given her the chance to behave disgustingly towards you again?

Wow, does your day feel better for clutching some pearls and pretending to be shocked 😃😅😅 Have a word with yourself. Or don't, I genuinely don't care 😁