DP’s messages in group chat - do I confront him?

Some people with an actual sense of perspective

Not you then, eh.

Not one who sends an off colour message

You couldn't seriously think that message is an out of character one off - when were you born?

As for "off colour" - talking about your prospective sister in law and her body in her dress - hoping it's revealing - at your prospective wedding.

Off colour?!

Talking about random female friends bodies and whether you'd fuck them or not.

And you believe you have perspective.

Lol.

You've been shown a red flag, OP. In your shoes, I'd be watchful and re-evaluating, and really listening during conversations to what my fiance is saying and what values he's expressing. That doesn't mean LTB. It just means keep your eyes open and be sure he's who you think/hope he is.

I didn't say anything about encouraging it.

We are human, and sometimes we rant and say stuff we don't actually mean.

No one would LIKE being spoken about in that manner, but it depends entirely on the context that it is being said. If it's just a rant and not meant in any way malicious whatsoever, then an apology will suffice.

If it was said in a manner with intent, then that's completely different.

e.g. I dealt with an child yesterday at school who was angry and said to a teacher "I hope you crash your car on the way home and die". They clearly didn't mean it and did apologise later.

Or are you saying that you you have never in your entire life ever said or written any derogatory comment about anyone else? (And this includes comments that you said even in a joking manner).

All of those make a man a shit one, including misogynistic comments. Doesn't matter if it was meant to be private, it shows his true colours.

Some people with an actual sense of perspective, instead of being twisted with bitterness, might think a 'shit man' is one who is verbally abusive, cheats, or refuses to share the housework. Not one who sends an off colour message to his friends that wasn't meant for OPs eyes in the first place.

You would be going into a battle without a horse agreed. I think it's best forgotten about. It's a private group chat which you aren't in.

Your posts reek of someone who will settle for any man and put up with anything as long as you can keep him. Fine...you do that, but don't criticise those who have higher standards and are prepared to ditch a misogynistic creep to find happiness with a man who will treat them well,or even (gasp) remain single rather than be treated like a doormat.

Keep telling yourself that love. Your posts reek of unhappiness.

No, they have been treated badly by men in the past and are allowing their own experiences to colour their view of this person whose only crime, as far as I can see, is sending a private message to his friends. OP has specifically said there were no issues before her 'friend' sent these screenshots. All of the speculation about him cheating on stag dos, discussing their sex life with his mates, messaging other women is just that - speculation.

It's not bitterness.

You're protecting your own low standards and misogyny.

absolutely desperate

Not desperate, but motivated.

Perhaps their motivation comes from seeing a woman being asked to pick up dinner by her carefree golfing man ..... Who's pretending he's not just got caught sleazing (or being derogatory to) her sister and acquaintances .... or that if he has, that that's nothing of significance.

The skeletons in the closet comment by his mate...... Confirms what he's like.

His mates know him.

This is not the sort of man you want to send on stag do's and lad trips etc.

Also namechange ....... Fleas aren't getting under your bar.

You have incredibly low standards for other women.

You have to wonder why you want the op to marry and have kids with a shit man.

She could escape now, but no - you want her to walk into the cell.

Why is that?

You ask yourself about that, instead of asking why women who don't want to see a woman tied to a shit man, are expressing their views. Eh.

Cause they know what men like him do to their wives and girlfriends.

Duuuuuh.

As if you've secretly never found someone attractive

It's not secret if you express it to your mates FFS.

I did warn you to ignore it

Ignore her partner being sleazy about her sister and commenting on which of their female friends he'd fuck or not?

Sounds like a recipe for a high quality relationship with a high quality man.

I don’t understand why being a creep privately is a get out of jail free card. Should women be grateful that their partners don’t letch over their sisters and friends in public? And no, I’ve never found a member of a partner’s family attractive and then messaged a friend about hoping he wears tight fitting clothes.

Good men do not make such comments. OP can choose to shackle herself to a misogynist if she wants, but it’s hardly surprising a lot of posters are trying to warn her against it.

I call it having a bar and I’m sickeningly happy with my DP, children and rescue dog. I did however spend many years deeply unhappy in awful relationships and accepting behaviour I shouldn’t have done. Only the OP can make the decision about whether or not to leave. But don’t assume the women that are disgusted by this behaviour are unhappy. I’m certainly not.

That doesn’t really tell me anything and seems a response designed to belittle his partner’s argument rather than anything concrete, as he would have said if there actually was anything surely

No, he wouldn't.

Because that would get him in a world of shit with your partner and all their mates.

He'd be breaking the bro code if he went any further.

He just couldn't help a knee jerk response with that dry statement when being compared unfavourably to his mate & his mate's relationship ...which he knows is nothing to be compared unfavourably to.

Oh please. He made a private comment in a private conversation. He didn't bloody hit on her. As if you've secretly never found someone attractive that you shouldn't have.

Because some women have standards and don’t dismiss crude, sexist messages about friends and family sent by grown men as “banter”.

Innocuous? Letching after her sister?

You call it having a bar, I call it desperately trying to drag everybody down into the same pit of misery you're currently residing in, much like OP's friend. The bitterness that is seeping through now it's clear OP isn't going to leave her partner over something so innocuous is comical.

That's plain nasty, skeletons in a graveyard.

Your supposed friend has stirred up a shitstorm now. I did warn you to ignore it.

@namechangetheworld because some people have a higher bar, or even just a bar.