DP’s messages in group chat - do I confront him?

He truly seems to think women are objects and service providers.

I also don't think men who are this sleazy are all talk and decently behaved when on stag do's, lads trips etc.

This must be horrible for you. At least you’ve found out before you married him so you can walk away more easily if you decide to. Do you own a property together?

Does that mean you are going to pretend your dp didn’t say those things?
Just because friend has relationship problems doesn’t mean your aren’t too. You have a heads up she doesn’t . Tbh they all hang around together so seems they like to be up to no good together.

You’re a fool to put your energies against your friend . Op it will be your own fault if you are stuck with no friends kids at your ankles alone while he is out sleeping a round .

do you really want to be with this man?
really?
forever?

The initial comments are disgusting but I could probably get past them but the comments about your sister? Absolutely not! How on earth do you get past that? Gross.
The not letting you see his phone would bother me hugely too. If he’s got nothing to hide, what’s he got to worry about?
I’m not sure if your friend knows more and is trying to open your eyes, or whether she’s shit stirring by telling you but then saying not to say anything to your partner and she’s trying to drag you down with the sinking ship. You really need to speak to her.

So he is avoiding, hoping things will blow over,more concerned about his dinner. Its not great is it op.

Is this how he usually tackles any conflict? How his parents perhaps handle any conflict? Essentially whatever issues you have in the future if you stay together are all on you to fix or put up with. He won't participate or support you. You'll be alone in all aspects of life that are hard or uninteresting to him.

That will also be the kind of father he will be. If he intentionally or unintentionally hurts his children's feelings they won't ever be able to discuss it with him and he won't ever be accountable. They will feel unsupported and not a priority. Is he deeply immature.

Jesus op - know you’re place eh when chained to the kitchen sink. Your future is one if misery, left holding the baby whilst he sows his wild oats and leaves you to dwell on it - whilst he plays golf and goes out with the lads.

Sod that.

No I obviously hadn’t read the full thread. Mumsnet threads take forever to load on my iPad so I posted anyway. On my iPhone now so I can catch up and RTFT.

They don't hate us. They are terrified that we (the superior species and they know it) will laugh at them, so they get in first with their derogatory remarks about our physical appearance. Women on the other hand are terrified that men will actually kill them!

@PollyJH you know your place. Think back over conversations, actions, expectations over the last years. He may not have used the same language towards you but what about his attitude. Him going off to golf and expecting you to shop says a lot to me (especially when you both need to have a serious chat)

He knows you too well.
He can do what he likes you will take it .
”she will never leave me “

causing trouble in the friend group . Won’t let you see his phone . Crossed a line with your sister and friends .

Do you have any plans other than to accept this ? Aim your anger to hIm not your friend

What a prize.

Some people, men and women, will go along with the group. A few will challenge the group tone. Your partner could be trying to be part of the group rather than expressing strongly held views. I think I’d leave it alone but would talk about some attitudes to women separately and less directly to see what he says. Better a debate than a war.

Well there you go. Its fine for him to make sexist comments about your sister’s body, you are making a fuss about nothing while he pervs over your sister’s boobs. Can you not see how little respect he has for you?

Do you mean you wish she’d never told you? And let you blithely marry this guy? While he ‘joked’ with the other men about the your sister’s sexy bridesmaid dress. Eww.

I meant wild in the sense of criminality, selfish or drug-fuelled behaviour and lack of respect for women/people.

But, I agree. Some people don’t change. Some get even more set in their ways. With some men, the sexism never ends. So, I wouldn’t take the risk myself.

His relationship is hanging in the balance and his off for the day playing golf?

Yeah, I thought that too.

His arrogance is something else.

But that would be because women never end relationships, only men.
If they're single and are decent looking it's because they've been umped - because there's something wrong with them.

So now you know what he's really like.

I wouldn't be able to ignore something once I'd seen.

Its difficult she sent them, but you can't unknow things.

and finding new friends

What, ones who don't tell you when they see your partner sleazing over your sister????

It’s obvious to me, as an old gimmer, that you would find far worse comments if he allowed you to see his contributions to the group chat.

I would split. He doesn’t value or treasure your relationship. He’s saying take it or fuck off.

Oh, and I really doubt your friend is jealous of your relationship…

His relationship is hanging in the balance and his off for the day playing golf? That right there op is where you are in his list of priorities. I imagine you're finding it hard to concentrate on anything else and this has really left you unsettled.

It hasn't for him. Has he even made a plan with you to talk later or reassured you that you and this matter are a priority to him?

I think you’re directing anger at the wrong person. He DID say those things, he holds those values and views.

Why is he constantly assessing whether he’d sleep with your friends/family members or not? And then needing the rest of the group to hear it? Grim.

Imagine if you had a daughter with him? Her mates when they’re teens etc. Men like this are gross. Your friend has done you a favour regardless of her intentions.