Young adults are hard work!

Mine are into their twenties now. It is bloody stressful at times. So much more as young adults, though feel theyve all matured and grown up a bit more. No more slammed doors and being accussed of "ruining my life!" 😂this transistional phase is the hardest still worry at times and im sure will do in the future, when life throws a cirve ball at them. I scoffed at my own mum commenting when rhey were 15/16 years "well thats the easy bit of being a parent done, youve not seen anything yet" told her not to be so bloody ridiculous they will be adults, i ate my words only 2 yesrs later!

When they're young you can mostly solve their problems and control what happens. When they're older, you have less control. If all goes well, it's great. If it doesn't or they are away from you so you don't know what's going on, it can be very worrying. So yes, the problems can seem bigger when they're older (literally life or death in some cases).

Overall though I've enjoyed seeing them grow. Each has caused a lot of worry at different times but currently we are in a fairly stable place and the craziness of the teen years seems to be receding.

Mine 18 and 20.

Yep. So much more stress and anxiety.

Agreed!
Year 11 is grinding me down!

They are expensive as they need supporting past UC help ending. They worry you as they drive from home to the other end of the country. They worry you when they can’t get a job. Young adult children definitely can be as worrying as small children but they also help out more and care more. I like my young adults and it is worth the effort of single parenting!

I'm in my mid 20s and amongst my friends you can tell who's parents only step in at worst case scenario when they need help adulting and the parents who step in at any wobble.

Would it be possible for you to talk to a professional about this? It wouldn’t take the problems away, but it might help the worry!

My son is 18 and fabulous and great company but yes parenting this stage is stressful. For example he was out last night. First proper night out drinking with friends for one of them’s 18th and staying at a mates. Was worried about him getting too drunk, leaving his bag, being sick on the bus etc but of course they were all fine. I could not relax until I knew they were back! There is so much other new stuff going on too. His first proper girlfriend recently started staying over. Luckily he does talk to me and is happy to be tracked as mostly it means he doesn’t have to update me with his whereabouts 😀 I feel you OP.

OP my son is about to turn 18 and I have definitely found the teen years harder than anything apart from maybe the first 3 months and I had severe postnatal depression then. You’re not alone! The stakes are basically higher as others have said. And I think it doesn’t help that we tend to be perimenopausal around the same time.

In a conversation with my own mother a few years ago the penny dropped for me that they don’t hit 18 and then they’re no longer a child and you can relax and totally stop being a parent, which I had somehow naively assumed somewhere for some reason…

So I think I’m taking it more in my stride now having realised that it’s normal to worry about your kids for the rest of your life once you’re a mother really (to a degree). I’m in my forties and my mum still worries about me, in my job I’ve spoken to 90somethings worried about their 60 or 70something child.

Mine are 17 and 20, and no trouble at all. DS has been away for 3yrs for uni so limited worrying about him. Has a job lined up; very motivated. DD is doing A levels, very much a home bod. I do worry about her more; due to low confidence / shyness but both of them never cause me any problems. Very fortunate (as opposed to some super parent!)

I've typed a massive post and not posted as I think it was outing.
Letting them be adult was the scariest time for us. You want them to be independent and make their own choices! But they are still that baby you brought home all those years ago.
I left home at 18 and never went back and my mum said to me (years later) she was relieved as she didn't lie in bed waiting to hear my key in the lock and know I was safely home.
Our DS still lives at home and when he got to 18 and started going out for a drink in town I too would lie in bed listening out. Never told him this.
I'm confident and happy he makes the right choices 4 years later- we all have a great relationship - often go out for lunch still on Saturdays and he buys me a cocktail or 2!

Ds is now 20 and so much easier.

Works drives saves goes out. Goes on holidays abroad.

No comparison to when he was younger.

To be honest I do worry a lot about our teenager but that's because I'm a good parent.
My mum moved abroad when I was 16 and left me to get on with it. I could have/did do some really risky things with no adults around. As it was I've turned out very independent and self sufficient. Yeah I got into quite a lot of debt as I had no idea how to budget (Martin Lewis taught me later on). But that's not the worst that could have happened.

Our son doesn't really drink which i was definitely doing at his age and some nights was so drunk I definitely wasn't safe to be on my own. So whatever I do with him as a parent somehow seems to work. We've been through some really really tough months in the last year but he's working now and that seems to have sorted a lot of issues.

I find regular meals out just me and him without his dad or sibling help to get him talking about what is going on.

Oh I love the teens and young adults !! Anything under 10 is hard work .
Love the company of my 5 but goodness they are SO expensive !

Yanub I'm not at that stage with mine but honestly dreading it based on how I was and people around me with older teens now. I can deal with toddler tantrums but to deal with abusive relationships, teen pregnancy, drugs and alcohol, mh, self harm is a whole different story iv spent many a night in a&e with a teenage niece due to overdosing and also repeatedly gone with a neighbour to pick up teen daughter as her boyfriend has beat her up again. There is literally no help or support for this stuff. It's hard when older teens make dumb decisions because there is literally nothing you can do about it except repeatedly pick up the pieces

It's totally relatable for many. If there are MH issues, Neurodivergence, or say ND conditions you didn't realise they even had then the wheels fall off come teen years! If they're more dependant naturally, have health struggles. Yes, this will be a different life to many others.

By 15 I was virtually parenting myself. Not great really but I just had to deal with it. We were off on holiday abroad alone getting drunk, partying in foreign islands. We only needed a signature from our parents as consent. I couldn't even manage monopoly money at the time. God knows how I survived and made it home.

It's not like that anymore though. I'm not going to blame parents for this as the world is just different now. I do ponder it though and wonder how our own kids would respond to situations we were dumped in alone growing up.

Mine are 17 and 19 and very easy. I think 14 or 15 is the trickiest age. Mine weren't too bad at that age, but I teach teenagers...

I have found the young adult stage unbelievably challenging but there has been a big difference between one DC who does all the standard worrying things like driving, gap year travel, going off to University and the odd slightly iffy decision; all par for the course, and another of my children who has ADHD and has been very chaotic and has made some choices and continues to make choices that are very concerning.

She’s a young adult and has to stand on her own two feet but it doesn’t stop me lying awake at night wondering where I went wrong and longing for the days when the problems were a simple little suspension from school or refusing to go to sleep at night as a toddler. But I know there were many battles I’ve forgotten.

She’s lovely and I love her dearly but she has aged me and DH and it’s the hardest thing in the world to have a legal adult who needs more support but doesn’t think they do.

Yeah as young adults - MH problems, jobs, girl friends, drugs, driving, money.
And the arguing with DH about how to parent with the background of bereavement and redundancy (and two breakdowns - not me).
Yes we are getting counselling 🙄as no one teaches you how to cope with all this. We were definitely happier with shuttling them between clubs/childcare and getting them through GCSEs and A levels, thereafter you join a whole new world of stress!

Agree with the higher stakes thing (mine are now 20 and 16). I found the baby stage unbelievably hard, toddlers quite tough, then primary school was the golden era for me.
Secondary really hard, then driving and uni for dd1 has stressed me out a LOT. She's been on the road for nearly 3 years now and is an excellent driver but I panic (inwardly) whenever I know she's driving. Far better not knowing! She's (undiagnosed) definitely ASD too which is giving plenty of challenges around self esteem and (lack of) relationships when all her peers are out shagging and having fun.

I think/hope I'll be less anxious when they're "proper" adults and self supporting, but it's emotionally very tough atm and has been since the secondary years.

Yes it's this. The baby /toddler/primary school years were straightforward, tiring but not rocket science.
The teen /young adult stages are scary and stressful because it's high stakes.

Mine were much harder as teens.

but one developed a serious autoimmune illness and has struggled ever since so I do worry about her health.

100% much more difficult now

as babies and toddlers and primary school children you just had to feed them, play with them and talk to them. Now it's all big life important stuff.