Young adults are hard work!

I’m loving the age, but also find it stressful! I love seeing him enjoying Uni, making plans for the future, being a lovely boyfriend to his girlfriend etc, but I find it tough worrying about him driving late at night etc. I wouldn’t ask him to not go out (ever!) but there are occasions I wish he was still young enough to tell him he has to be home at a certain time

@Seeline Yes, I'd say that elderly parents worry me more nowadays tbh.
We're definitely the sandwich generation right now!

I'm with you OP. Mine are 20 and 23 and I think I've been more worried/stressed about them in the last 5 years than at any other time.
The eldest started uni in lockdown down - both had A levels/GCSEs that year.
Relationship issues are much more grown up
DD started at uni and had a terrible time, with hundreds of WhatsApps a day until she gave in and came home. Restarted the following year, and has been much better.
DS couldn't get a job after graduating so came back home. He's been here nearly a year now and that has been very stressful for DH and me. He has finally got a job, but we live in London - can't see him moving out soon.
Late nights out
Cars/driving

And Mum and MIL late 80s also needing far more attention

Hmm, I don’t worry too much about DD (20 this year) as she’s away at uni getting with her life. We keep in touch and I know she’s OK-yes, she gets stressed about her classes sometimes but overall fine and I know that she’s sensible enough not to do anything daft.

DS (16) is also ok but inevitably, he and his friends can be silly when they get together and that’s what worries me somewhat-that collectively they’ll make a bad decision that will land them in trouble. Like a recent weekend when they were out late and I discovered that they hadn’t arranged a lift home…I thought another parent was collecting them and our city center becomes unsafe close to midnight. So we had a chat about that.

I think it’s their ability/maturity ( or lack of!) to make good decisions at this age that causes concern. I have confidence in DD, but I’m not quite there with DS! 😂

Same here, (except for the risky behaviours) but it was very worrying. They are also
much more stable now, studying, in a relationship, lots of friends but I fear it still bubbles and simmers not too deep below the surface.

I have two DD, both young adults now, and I have to say I have absolutely loved every single different stage of their lives. Each stage has had its different challenges but each one has been amazing.

I absolutely ADORE them as adults. They have both grown up into the most amazing individuals and I couldn't be more proud and as they have become adults, our relationships have shifted, and we are now like besties. But they do still need their Mumma on occasion.

But I think this stage the worries you have for them are very different and I don't think having a little anxiety about them 'being okay' will ever go away. But I don't find it stressful or anything as such. Both have had heartbreak, mental health issues occasionally etc which is difficult to help them navigate at times but on the whole I am loving my grown up kids.

I just hope it stays that way!! 😐

Mental health issues are the worst. For one of mine they were quite significant between ages 15 and 17 and worry over what they might do to themselves was an ongoing concern, not helped by them indulging in risky behaviours. They are much more settled and mature now at 19, but there are still some wobbles.

I suppose it depends on your child and their situation. I do know that I would take a colicky newborn any day over a teenager going through a mental health crisis. With colic I could run through the list of solutions and know that I was doing everything possible in my power to fix it for my baby.

With my child’s mental health crisis, I didn’t have that control, I didn’t have the knowledge and there are far fewer tips and ideas from others that are helpful. Not to mention the wait for help that you need now, not in several months while your child falls apart in the meantime and has to take numerous trips to A&E to keep them safe or worse because you didn’t manage to and they hurt themselves.

Yes, I do worry about them more now, I think (18 & 20). I love this age, the humour and the fun but it's that old thing of 'having a child is like having your heart walk around outside of your body'... and they aren't just walking around outside of your body, they're driving, too! One of mine lives 5 hours away from me, now. I truly now understand what my mum meant when she said 'you won't understand until you have children of your own!'

I worry a lot more about my adult kids than I ever did when they were younger. It's the loss of knowledge and control as obviously I don't know where they are and what they are doing most of the time now.

I think it is the fact that it can all change so quickly for me, and then there is another difficult spell to get through. I'm learning to be the parent of a young adult at the same time and not always getting it right. Neither DH or I had good role models for this era - and of course things are different now.

DS21 was all settled and plenty to be pleased and proud about - doing well at work, saving well, healthy lifestyle, plenty of friends, usually respectful and helpful at home. Spanner got thrown into the works six months ago and we're only just coming through the other side of it now - it has been a rollercoaster. If I went into more detail than that I wouldn't know where to start or end! Expectations he has put on us have been a lot - and the response to boundaries not great.

VoopnaVesta Oh gosh ,remembering countless "Malcolm in the Middle" and The Simpsons ! So much better now (Although still lots of football With DH to watch) Have long and interesting chats .

This!

Completely agree. Never been so worried until the last year or two, but I feel the area I live in (Liverpool) contributes to the stress. It’s not my children and there choices it’s environmental factors that I feel are causing the worry

My kids know I can’t sleep until they get in. 😳

I have no issues or worries with them as people but I totally get what you mean about worrying about their wellbeing. I’m secretly terrified of them learning to drive (they've put it on the back burner as they don’t need to right at this moment and can’t afford it, which is a big relief to me, I’d rather they waited a bit longer). I worry a lot about their safety when they are out at night (it’s somewhat easier now they are either at uni or gf’s).

Last week my youngest came home from Uni and I felt just like you. Best night’s sleep I had in a while as both kids home in their beds.

Sometimes I’m having a nice relaxed evening and one will suddenly declare they’re going out with friends and it spoils my night because I know I won’t be able to sleep till they’re home. I know I worry hugely but like you I seem to be cursed with it. I think it doesn’t help because I don’t have a partner so there is no one to keep me grounded or share in my worries if they’re still not home in the early hours. Being boys makes it no less worrying than girls.

A very wise woman once told me "When your kids are small they have a dozen crises a day but each one is really unimportant. When they're older they have a lot fewer crises but they can be massive."

I think this age is so much harder (for me) with a few things happening at the same time:

• Job hunting and retention for eldest
• Exams/ uni decisions for younger 2
• Aging parents struggling
• Menopause symptoms

I love small children. Physically tiring as they are, there's a lot of joy, they're easily entertained and pleased. I think neuro diversity issues get worse with age, mental health problems more pronounced and they are still too young to have learned/ mastered good coping techniques.

I have three. One in Y11, one in last year at university and one nearly 25 year old who lives a couple of hours away for work. I find that I am worrying less about the oldest so I think it does get a bit better once they have moved out and have a job they like. I don't worry too much yet about the youngest because he's just doing school work and doing sport.
So maybe peak worrying age is about 17 to early twenties?
Hang in there OP it will get easier I think!

I think no matter what age ypur child is you still worry.

Both ours are sensible and doing well with life, eg good jobs, doing well at uni , having fun but also saving money too etc.

mine are both in their early 20s and I worry when they go for nights out, in case they get spiked or lose their friends etc, I sometimes worry about them out driving if it’s late at night or they are on roads they don’t know.

i suppose that’s the joys of parenting.

I agree OP, the worries are definitely greater. When they were little I worried that they’d pick up the sickness bug at school, or graze their knee in the park, or not get invited to a party, or have a teacher they didn’t like. These were all problems that I knew would pass fairly quickly, almost certainly with no lasting effects.

Now I worry if they’ll get jobs, a house, if they’ll get into debt, take drugs, have unhealthy relationships, get mugged. These are all things that will have a real long term impact on their lives.

The stakes are so much higher as they get older, and the problems are things that are far less solvable by parents.

I’d far rather be awake half the night trying to settle a colicky baby than waiting for a teen to come back from a night out!

Completely understand the worry, I identify with @YouOKHun so much, have similar situation, a DS who is thriving and enjoying life, enthusiastic for his future & in contrast a DD with ADHD that has much more difficulty, lacks confidence in her ( amazing in my opinion) abilities and what she can achieve. She refuses to think about her future, pushing away any “adulting” if she possibly can.
She is a wonderful young woman and I have had many sleepless nights worrying about the best way to support her and help her see that.
The saying you’re only as happy as your unhappiest child doesn’t change when they become adults.

my daughter was home from uni last night for Easter and it’s the first good nights sleep I’ve had in weeks, everyone under the same roof

I relate to this statement so strongly. I only ever feel truly relaxed when we’re all together.

My youngest DD21 is the only one technically at home, though she’s always at her boyfriend’s so we rarely see her. She called me yesterday evening in hysterics because she’d been groped in the street by a stranger in broad daylight. So she punched him off and he pulled a knife on her.

She ran away and luckily he didn’t follow her, but she was so badly shaken up, DH went to pick her up and she stayed here last night, but I’m terrified of the prospect of her leaving today. I don’t want to let her go. Nobody warns you of this shit when you have a baby. You assume you’ll be home and dry by the time they’re young adults.

Is it because of increased awareness, my mum left home at 16 for example. I worry about my dcs affording homes, their mental health.

Yes, completely agree.
Love them so much and they are great kids, but worry is always there.
Likewise my friends with theirs.
My husband travelled extensively for 2 years with work and I had 3 under 8 largely on my own.
I consider that a walk in the park mentally compared with now.
I was exhausted certainly but mentally I had less worries.