Mum of girls (Caitlin Moran) telling us mums of boys how to speak to our sons

Parenting is definitely important, but I am Asian, and find most recipe and parenting books don't fit my cultural needs.🙂
I remember trying to Gina Ford my kids. Yeah, that didn't work out! Plus it felt completely wrong to me. Western parenting techniques mostly don't fit with my family.

Was there anything in what she wrote that made you think she said you shouldn't have dinner together, cheer them on at rugby matches or have high moral standards?

Off topic: Although she came from humble beginnings, she’s spent the vast majority of her life in a very small bubble and sees everything through that narrow lens.

I lost any time I had for her when she was fangirling Lena Dunham and said she ‘didn’t do race’ as she didn’t want to ask any challenging questions.

She’s bubblegum fluff and one of those, like Job Whiley back in Radio 1 days, who’s always keen for you to know she’s in some exclusive clique that you’re not part of.

She’s not a serious person or writer or journalist. I wouldn’t take any advice from her especially on raising my kids.

Although my reading about it didn’t make a lot of difference
A bit like my recipe books….they have no idea how crazy my oven actually is. So nothings improved

DH sent me this yesterday. Making essentially the same point, albeit more succinct.

I don't see a problem with it. Everyone who is a parent has skin in this game. Toxic masculinity affects teenage girls as much as it affects teenage boys (some would say even more so) and as she makes clear, it's usually mothers, not fathers, who are doing most of the parenting of boys.

I happen to think her ideas are a bit facile and not especially illuminating but she's someone who has thought about parenting a lot and I think she has as much right to comment on it as anyone else.

When my DCs were young I read parenting books for much the same reason I still read recipe books - I wanted to get better at parenting (and cooking). Raising children seemed way too important to me to feel comfortable just winging it.

👏👏👏👏👏

Wev'e brought up boys and we've brought up girls.
My boys have turned out kind and gentle.
They detest the "Manosphere" and toxic masculinity.
I most definitely did sit them down and told them about risks, including drugs and knives and the fact that one punch can kill.
We told them that if they ever got involved with gangs we would all relocate to a remote farmhouse on a Scottish island (and we bloody meant it too).
We made an effort to sit at the table and eat together as a family every single night and we gave them decent food and our time.
We dragged them on hiking and camping holidays (even though they moaned and now laugh that they are scarred for life).
We stood on the side of rugby pitches cheering them on in all weathers.
We watched crime programmes with them and they would joke that if they ever got arrested they'd rather stay in custody than come home to face the music.
Mostly we never tried to be their friend, we had really high moral standards and demanded that they were always polite and kind to others.

I don't dislike Caitlyn Moran but she's way off the mark.

I've got a 14 year old boy. He doesn't accept advice from me, hasn't since he was about ten. Please tell me how to make him be a different person? Preferably a chatty one. I've literally given up.

She was interviewed after the drama serial Adolescence was broadcast and she reckons that girls have all these fantastic role models all over the place and are constantly being told that they are wonderful (really?). It gave me pause for thought because I am one of the one in two women who is afraid of being out alone after dark because attacks on women have increased. I am also a really grateful survivor of DV (grateful because I very nearly didn't survive) and young women are constantly hearing in the news about women being killed by partners and strangers. On MN forums young women tell us that their sex lives and relationships have been affected by their partner's consumption of online porn and Andrew Tate type misogyny. Women still earn less than men. Where the hell did she get the idea that things are so brilliant for young women?

Are they?

Many boys are struggling though and becoming bad men. I don’t think their parents would necessarily have good advice either, just because they parented boys.

I read the article and liked the advice, enough to share it with DH.

I’m mum to a boy and a girl and terrified for them both.

Since so many parents can barely read, let alone think critically, and there's nothing stopping them having kids, I can't see it matters what gender she happens to be being up.
I can read this but I don’t understand it

It doesn't matter that she doesn't have a son. Everything she's written about is well researched and not her personal opinion. Since so many parents can barely read, let alone think critically, and there's nothing stopping them having kids, I can't see it matters what gender she happens to be being up. There are still two in the world and one of them perpetrates the most violence on the other, as well as each other.

I find parenting writers really dull actually. All of them. I am not very interested in getting advice from anyone. I am just muddling along as I always have ( DS seems to be fine).

CM is one of many grifters who opine about any trending issue and have agents who’ll make them available for on trend topics
I’m not compelled to like her because she’s a published author or well known
Nor do I have to agree with all mums and (spoiler alert) I don’t

Put yourself out there commenting on issues, expect to Garner a range of opinions . Not all will be favourable. That’s to be expected .

🙄

That stuck in my mind too. Bit of an over sharer and attention seeker no matter the subject. I've not felt the need for her advice on anything yet, and her confident pronouncements on Times Radio about helping parents get it right (thanks to her implied wealth of knowledge and experience) come across as a bit tone deaf.

She says “You want to be forming a laid-back, conversational Chat Team as two equals - rather than sitting there like Victoria Derbyshire on Newsnight firing off questions.” Followed by a list of questions: “Do your friends think they should show Adolescence in school? Has anyone not seen it yet? Do they think the school is like your school? What bits aren’t realistic? Which bits are? Are there any boys being teased for being like Jamie? Is there a difference between the way girls and boys are talking about it? Whose parents are freaking out the most?” That’s enough to make any teenager leg it.

@Zone2NorthLondon - do you mean Caitlin is a celeb and grifter? She is a journalist and best selling author and has researched the topics she writes about in detail. They’re presented as her opinions and from the POV of someone from a poor working class bgd who was able to change her living and work environment and have different experiences as she grew older. This makes her opinions interesting and as valid as all mum’s surely? Certainly not grounds to insult her.

Couldn’t agree more. I only have daughters and wouldn’t have a clue what advice to give about sons.

I have raised two lovely, polite, kind, charming boys. Neither of them are arseholes. They have many female friends ( One or two I would rather they didn't have, because the drama is off the scale!) I have no bloody idea how they turned out like that. That's the problem with parenting advice. No one is parenting the same kids!

Slyly