To think maternity leave is supposed to be enjoyable?

Are you a first time mum? I felt exactly the same with my first - I thought it was meant to be magical but I felt nothing but exhaustion and monotony.

With my second funnily enough, I’m living my best life and dreading going back to work. I think a lot of it comes from experience and knowing what I’m doing so the stress and constant ‘am I doing this right, I don’t know what’s next’ has disappeared and it’s like riding a bike. I don’t even know my LOs sleeping schedule, or stick to a rigid feeding timetable, I just feel a cue and we roll with it. That’s allowed me to just get up and go do things I normally wouldn’t and just enjoy my kids.

be kind to yourself! Do what you find comfortable, try a baby class just to mix with some other mums and see other babies. Go for coffees, meet your friends, mooch around the shops. I find just going to the supermarket for no reason is enough to break up my day - I look around the clothing section or homeware.

I'm loving my mat leave. But not because i'm going to fancy coffee shops or shopping. I just love being with my baby everyday. It's ok to not feel like that and feel a bit lonely. My husband finishes work early afternoon which helps.

I'm due to return to work soon and feel so sad. Try and make the most of the small things because it will end 🥹

When i was pregnant I would see SM posts where new mums were going out for coffee and cake with newborns sleeping peacefully in their prams. It never happened for me. Mine hated the pram and would only sleep on my chest or in the carrier. He would also scream in the carseat so I avoided leaving the house for a while.

It does get easier. Do you go to any groups?

I had a very skewed view of maternity leave, I thought that it would be a 'lovely long holiday with a cute little baby' (not saying that you think this) oh my what a shock I got! Agree that going out with other Mum's, baby groups and all that stuff was brilliant, but for the most part it's a massive slog!

I disliked maternity leave both times a lot. First time was covid and I felt so bored and isolated. DC1 was a terrible sleeper and a grumpy baby so not much fun. I practically ran back to work.

Second time round was a little better, DC2 was easier and there was no lockdown, but I still felt very unsettled. I’m not a natural socialiser so baby groups etc were hard for me. It turns out I really like the structure and adult interaction (not focused on babies) work gives. I really hate being sleep deprived and I hated how unpredictable each day felt, especially for the first 6 months.

I have loved loved LOVED the toddler years both times. They are better company, I’m more relaxed and I find chatting with mums of toddlers easier than mums of babies for some reason. I much prefer the balance of working part time. Toddlers have a more predictable routine and generally give you more sleep.

I wondered for a while if I was depressed but I think it’s just my personality type and the children I produce 😅 hang on in there!

Honestly just don’t compare against other babies or mums.
find your own routine that suits you and go with it.
there is no right or way, just what suits for you.
try and get out everyday. Even if it’s just for a walk.
sleep if you can, when you need to and don’t worry about cleaning and stuff.
i hated maternity leave, I found it very isolating, boring and exhausting!
it improved as baby got older.

I didn’t enjoy the newborn stage and found it monotonous, boring and exhausting. It is a phase and will pass don’t worry. I much prefer an older baby/ child when they are a bit more interactive. As others have said, they are portable at this stage so if you want to go out to an art gallery, walks, meeting friends etc it’s a good time to do it. I also realise I didn’t feel like myself again until my youngest was two and wasn’t looking after myself properly so I was always tired and picking up sickness bugs. I now take vitamins religiously and carve out time for myself when i feel like I need it

Yes OP I really recognise the bit about knowing you're good at your job and feeling unsure if you're good at this! That was one of the hardest things for me in the early days. Luckily mine are older now and I know I'm a bloody good mum 😂

You'll also find out that the other babies aren't that easy. You think that everyone else is doing it right. If they are first timers they are all having their own issues but maybe don't share it

The anxious when you're out thing gets better over time soon. I felt that too like I was constantly tensed up. Babies cry and most reasonable people know this anx still love seeing them. Also tmi but onec you start on solids the poop gets less runny so less nappy explosions.

No i did not find it enjoyable for it's a phase, they change quickly. Don't worry it's normal to feel that way. Or I did anyway. Mine is a toddler now and hilarious. Hard work but different kind of hard work x

Yes having a baby is a lot of changing happiest, feeding and lack of sleep, but maternity leave is what you make of it. Join some baby groups, get out of the house and meet people. Do you have an NCT group to meet up with?

Im another one who found it got more enjoyable in the second half, I think around 8 months. At that point they can do a bit more and you can take them to the park or a soft play and they actually enjoy it.

Though think it also helped that we sleep
trained around then, and DD is an October baby so the weather was improving too

I’m assuming it’s your first baby as you haven’t experienced maternity leave before. It will get better! The first few months are an absolute slog especially if you’re exclusively breastfeeding so doing every night feed and trying to establish the latch etc.

I would say that IME the second 6 months were a lot more enjoyable than the first 6 months, especially when we started weaning and I introduced her napping in her crib. By 8 months she was having a couple less breastfeeds a day, she was sitting up/crawling, sleeping better (though still in our room at night) etc.

When you’re in the thick of it you don’t feel like there’s an end in sight, but you’ll get there and when you look back you’ll wonder how you coped at all!

It's not a gap year-there is no job description where anyone promises it's going to be enjoyable!! It's time off work (which may be more enjoyable than being at work, depending on your job) to birth and raise a small human. If they are ill/don't sleep/cry all the time-it probably isn't going to be that enjoyable.

I feel you op, currently on maternity leave with my 8 month old. I imagine it could be very enjoyable if you have the resources to go to all the activities but i don't. Also my baby is an exclusive contact napper despite my best efforts, so i couldn't sleep during the day either. You do adapt to the lack of sleep but yes its a slog!

And just so there is no surprise when you go back to work - that's hard too.

You often feel like you're letting work down because you have to down tools to do a nursery run at a set time. You often work part time and are therefore constantly handing stuff over and then catching up, plus having time off for sick kids. Then you pick up your kid at the end of a long day, when you're absolutely shattered, and have to trudge through tea time, bath and bed. Then they don't settle half the time and you still need to pack lunch, shower etc. It's bloody hard. And in the first year back at work, it's not unusual for small kids to wake up very early (5am) and you feel like you've done a full shift before you even walk through the office door.

And then everyone at work acts like we're all functioning on a full night's sleep and have had time for a nice leisurely breakfast (which many people without young kids have had) so they really don't get that you're arriving at a 5pm mood while they are fresh as a daisy.

It gets better as they get older, especially wen te start school. But I hope you have a nice boss xx

For me it was only easy once bany started sleeping through properly 10-12 hours. You have a sleep deficit that you need to catch up on. So even though 6 hours sound OK you've made a person, birthed a person and been up all night for months you need at least a few weeks of the long all night sleeps to catch up plus a bit of evening to yourself.

I would say I started to enjoy it around 7-8 months, when LO could sit up in the pram and was happy to look around and nose at everyone walking past. I could go for a lovely walk and a coffee while he slept in the pram. The first 6 months were harrowing, he was a terrible sleeper, which is to be expected for a baby, but doesn’t make it any easier to deal with. It is true when people say to you it’s not forever, lean on as much support as you have available and try and talk to other mums. When you realise other people are going through the same feelings as you it makes you feel a bit better.

Hated my first maternity so much at first that I nearly went back to work at 3 months.

Then summer came! He was an early walker so could toddle around the park and feed the ducks, so much better!

I'm on my second maternity and love it this time, I think it's because I knew what to expect and also have an easier baby.

It's all luck but with the seasons changing it could definitely get better very soon 😊

If it was meant to be enjoyable then I can say I certainly didn't get that memo - I had 2 maternity leaves and didn't massively enjoy either of them! And both my kids were great sleepers from the off!

After the first, when I took the full 12months, I decided that with me second child I wouldn't be off so long and only took 6 months - that was much better for me personally. I just found it a bit boring, despite thinking both my babies were absolutely amazing....but tantalizing, interesting company they were not!

It does get better. Around 6 months+ it gets more enjoyable as they give a lot more back. Newborns are (for me at least) incredibly dull. When they start eating proper food and the milk feeds cut back (I FF though, so not sure if BF feeds drop at the same rate) you get more time to do stuff. They nap on a more predictable schedule a couple of times a day etc.

I find toddlers great - yes they are unreasonable and tantrumy, but so funny!