To think maternity leave is supposed to be enjoyable?

I hear you.
I thought my maternity leave would be full of lunch dates, baby sleeping, personal care and shopping for cute baby outfits, wine with friends ona summers day in a pub garden whilst baby slept.
It was in fact, recovery from surgery, sleeplessness to the point of insanity, diorganised chaos, pumping milk, baby sick, baby poop, not getting dressed, not knowing what time it was, horrendous skin condition from reaction to baby cells, arguing with my partner, crying for my lost life and not fitting into any of my clothes, realising my laboutins would never fit again and selling them on ebay and watching cocomelon.

It probably depends on how you are usually. I’m quite happy pottering around at home and don’t really need a lot of social things. I was just happy to have some time off work and be with my baby. I was also sleeping better as I had horrific insomnia during my pregnancies so getting back to 6 hours from about 2 was a bonus. But it’s not the same for everyone. Hopefully you will settle into a pattern that works for you.

I found it unbelievably boring and dull. I went back to work at 3 months.

Both of mine felt split into 2: first 6 months incredibly hard and exhausting , breastfeeding and just surviving really. Second 6 months a bit more enjoyable with baby groups and going out for coffee etc
I did enjoy both my maternity leaves but it was hard work.
I think women having their first babies are often over enthusiastic about having a “break” from work, getting house sorted etc but it never happens. One of my friends stocked up on art supplies to work on her hobbies while the baby slept!

Maternity leave is needed because having a new born is such hard work
sleep when baby sleeps and let everything else go to pot
get outside every day - get the bag packed and waiting so there is no chance of a poo incident as you search for wet wipes to add to the bag

I didn't enjoy it.
I'd moved to a new area and didn't know anyone and I missed work.

I was bored and lonely.

Only read OP's posts.

Honestly, I didn't really enjoy my first Mat leave. I very much enjoyed my second one though.

I didn't really know anyone else locally with a small baby. I'd been working full time so didn't have local friends, my friends were my colleagues and in clubs I went to.

I'd see people out with new babies and they'd look together and happy and I just felt overwhelmed and like I was pretending to enjoy it.
An older lady said "treasure this time, it goes so quickly" and I remember thinking "thank god, cos this is really hard".
We tried to not let the baby change the life we had before - weekends away, going out to dinner. Actually it was my now ex that led that and in hindsight it wasn't a good approach.

I was happier when I went back to work.

I think if I'd known just one or two other new Mums where we could get everything off our chests w/o judgement and to acknowledge it was hard and to be able to laugh, it would have helped so much.

I really enjoyed my maternity leave but I also remember some days it was grim. I think around 3-4 months when I started going to a couple of classes, that helped as it built more of a routine. It’s hard work but I think as we move into the summer months too it might get a bit easier - you can just go out more easily. I also found having a list of baby friendly places helped for planning my day - John Lewis baby area so I always knew I could feed and change baby there. I also recommend baby cinema, I loved that so much and felt like an “adult” activity that I enjoyed doing.

I think it helps to get a routine. Any household tasks till 10 or 1030 then either go to a playgroup or similar , or meet a friend. Friends made during my maternity leave have last me for life.

It really isn't. All those fake instagrammers have a lot to answer for.

IME the first four / five months are recovery for mum, survival and figuring out what the hell you are doing. It should get better in the summer when your small person is sitting up nicely and starting to crawl. Get a little routine of a couple of toddler groups / baby rhyme time sessions a week to give you some structure but without having to rush around. Hang in there.

Yeah…this is exactly what maternity leave is. Did you not wonder why we get up to a year off? I know there’s an element of ‘bonding’ but realistically it is because you’re barely going to sleep for months on end and your entire life has overnight become a bit of an unenjoyable shit show. There’s an adjustment period for sure.

To second what some other posters have said it’s the 9-12 months that the fog starts to lift…just in time for you to get back to work! It’s probably the hardest with the first too, in my experience; don’t get me wrong going from 1 to 2 is TOUGH but your quality of life doesn’t fall off an absolute cliff over night the same way it does with your first. Your expectations of parenthood are much more realistic and you’ve done it all before so you know the stages roughly and can map it in your head as you go.

Your expectations were not in line with reality, maternity leave isn’t a year long holiday with a baby in tow. It’s a hazy, crazy, depressy, adjustment to your entire life and identity pre kids going down the toilet!

(I’m a mother of a now 3&5 year old)

When they are able to sit up by themselves and play with a few toys. It does get better OP around 7-8 months I would say it’s like night and day to the newborn phase.

I know people like to say the newborn phase is only the 1st few weeks but I think it goes on until about 6 months.

Currently sitting here whilst my 1 years old entertains herself.

Who said it was ever meant to be enjoyable?

No judgement-I found it bloody hard as well! I just didn’t ever expect it to be that enjoyable 😂.

Sadly, it all started to get a bit easier when they got a little bit older, but that was time to go back to work. Don’t be too hard on yourself-when they are tiny, it’s drudgery and exhausting, but yes-it WILL get better!

It gets more enjoyable yes - but the start is a big shock and it’s about recovery and adjustment. Once you’re in a bit more of a routine I’d make a big effort to get out every day even if it’s just for a walk to the park or a local class or playgroup to meet up with other mums - arrange to get a coffee afterwards while the baby naps - get some sun on your face and some fresh air, that’s the bit that’s really nice - once I had found a couple of like minded mums to hang out with and chat to about some of the hard stuff (and laugh about some of it- v important to retain a sense of humour!!) it felt easier and more fun

The enjoyable part of maternity leave is the part before your first baby comes along! You need Mum friends and to just lower your expectations, it’s exhausting and totally life changing in ways we never expect.

Is there any reason why you are not sleeping in the day. Can you sleep when baby does. Do you have any family support to take baby out while you rest.

keep an eye on your mood @Newmumhere40 i had awful PND and the GP's asked are you "enjoying" your baby when they were assessing me and i couldn't believe anyone would enjoy the experience i was having! chronic sleep depriavtion can be really really soul destroying , i know if you are EBF that may be tough but getting enough sleep can be really crucial to your experience.

I had gruelling PPD, and ended up formula feeding so my partner ended up doing half the feeds - we do one night on, one night off, and he’s taking 3 months of paternity leave when my baby is 7 months old and I’ll return to work. I do think most people have a way more unequal set-up, but this works for us.

It means I’m not tired so I love spending time with her, get time to go to yoga/cinema etc a couple of times a week to keep my mental health ok, baby sleeps through the night 75% of the time (she’s 4.5 months now) and is growing happily and healthily after a nightmare with trying and failing to successfully breastfeed, and I go out in the days to cafes, parks, etc. When my leave is over I’m taking a city break for 5 days, then back to work. I still want to be me.

For me, it was challenging enough that I’m one and done with kids.

People will disagree with how I manage mat leave, but it made my leave much more manageable for me, when at the start I wanted to throw myself off a bridge and was prescribed quite strong medication - I ended up not needing it by changing the pressure on myself. I now genuinely enjoy every day. Don’t beat yourself to death trying to be the perfect mother single-handedly, I wish I hadn’t.

I hated it, and went back to work early. After which I started to enjoy motherhood.

You’re in the thick of it OP but yes it will absolutely get better! Maternity leave might never be how you imagined it though but you will sleep again and not be completely exhausted and stuck caring for a very needy infant for much longer. You’ll soon have a toddler, more sleep and more freedom to go out and do things with them (still exhausting but in a different and nicer way!) Hang on in there xxxx

Personally I found it got better when I stopped breast feeding(I know this isn’t everyone, but I hated that it was stressful and not in a routine!) and managed to get a nap routine. With baby 1 I did lots of pram naps and she slept on the way to classes/ while I was out. Drink coffee, breathe fresh air, get a routine and see friends. It all changes when baby can move more too… much less sitting around! You’re coming up to summer which will be lovely.

I had a great ML with DS because I had some time away from him.

I did a course one morning a week. I think he was about 5 months when I did this. DS went in to the college crèche and I also went to a special mums and babies morning at the local leisure centre and he went in to the crèche. So I did an exercise class, swim and sauna over 3 hours. DS and I went out to lunch twice a week and to a baby playgroup.

I was much happier having some time minus baby, it was just 5 hours a week but I was doing stuff that was nothing to do with babies. I remember going out to a dinner when DS was 3 weeks old and leaving him with DH and pumping so I could have one glass of wine.

Men get loads of time minus babies. They are allowed to still be themselves.

I can relate to this so much. All I will say is, if it doesn’t ease, or you feel really low and it’s impacting your life, do talk to your GP. Post natal anxiety is definitely a thing, and like post partum depression , you might benefit from medication (or you might decide you don’t want that, but there are options, and medication you can take even if you’re breastfeeding which is safe for baby).

Oh gosh I totally agree OP! Ignore a couple of the more dismissive comments here, it’s rough! As other posters have said, a bit of a structure to the week with clubs / adult company really helped me. About to start my second Mat leave shortly and dreading it a little!! Sending you lots of love - it’s still early days and it goes change as they grow x