To think maternity leave is supposed to be enjoyable?

Get a good iron supplement and a running pushchair… getting fitter and being outside will ease the tiredness so much

Why are you not sleeping in the day? The baby will be sleeping and you just need to grab your sleep then.

I’m four months in and everything is going fine, no support and totally on my own.

You're not being unreasonable. I adore my son, the year he was born was the best I've ever had, but I just wasn't suited to maternity leave. I often got quite bored and lonely, despite having an NCT group and doing lots of classes, and obviously tired. I resented the fact my partner could just go to work, have a bit of a break and do something different, and still come back to a lovely baby. I wish paternity leave was better, I'd have enjoyed it a lot more if it was both of us as I didn't really like it being all on me in the week. It didn't help that I loved my job and found it hard being away!

I think this is how the big change of expectations is learnt.

Before kids -
"Hey, the weather's great, shall we go to the pub?"
"Sure, give me five"

After kids -
Well....I don't need to say.

It's an adjustment to think "all" you did was get to baby group, and indeed by baby number 2 or 3 you may look at your first time Mum self and wonder as well. But if you're new to it all then of course it's going to be an adjustment.

Do you have anything supportive for OP or just a snide comment?

You did realise you’d be looking after a newborn?

be kind to yourself. This was me last year, the other day I found myself looking at photos of last year and wishing I could go back for a moment. Although at the time it just felt overwhelming at times. Maternity leave can be whatever you make of it. Theyre brutal at times, but please do try and take a step back and make the most of those cuddles at night or just walk in the sunshine with your baby in the buggy or carrier. Because baby will soon prefer to walk and be off !

I think that's one of those modern myths. I found it hard work and boring on the whole. I had twins so the early phase was especially intense. Not helped by going to groups being additionally hard work and lot of the time, as lots near me don't let prams in

But yes, no allergies which must have been really difficult.

@224RainandSunshine He slept for 3 x 30 mins a day but as he was my first (and I wasn't on here!) I thought that was normal 😄

I just wanted to make the most of my 5 months off work with him (I had 6 months mat leave but had to leave work at 38 weeks and he didnt make an appearance until 42 weeks) 😬

@theriseandfallofFranklinSaint sounds like you had a baby that slept and an easy recovery. At 4 months, I still had never had more than 2.5 hours of sleep in one chunk. Ever. Baby had a dairy, soy and egg allergy which was undiagnosed, made him really ill and I had to figure it out myself. And my PGP lingered on so I still couldn't walk more than 20 minutes without being crippled for 24 hours.

When we hit 6 months, I felt like you! So don't forget everything is a stage (the good and the bad)

I only had 6 months maternity leave (20 years ago) and TBH, loved it.

Sorry to disagree with most of you but it was like a holiday for me. Doing my own thing, meeting new people (who are still my best friends 20 years later) and not having to go to work 5 days a week... what's not to like?!

Does baby take a bottle and you could express some milk and your partner could help at night?

Have you looked into co sleeping safely (safe sleep 7) this could help you get more hours of sleep in?

The first few months are about survival. It doesn’t necessarily get easier but i would say it does become more enjoyable.

Try and have a rough weekly routine. I had classes/ pram walks/ baby groups that I could go to most week days (I dislike the ones where you have to pay upfront for a set amount of weeks). There were few weeks i went to every single thing, but there were only a few weeks where i went to nothing. I was really worried about making mum friends as I had few friends and none of them had children, but pushing myself to has made my life infinitely better (and really becomes a lifeline when you return to work).

Also try and get away if you can, whether it’s in the UK or abroad. It’s not really a holiday with a baby but at least you don’t have a house to take care of etc.

5-6 hours a night is not great for a long period, but only being woken once in that time sounds pretty good at 3 months. It does get easier, and the challenges change, but it takes time. Your body is still recovering from pregnancy and that takes it toll on your health and feeling of wellbeing. The change of pre-baby to baby is so so huge, and yes at 3 months it is just feeding, changing nappies, washing clothes, burping, for much of the day and night. Have you any local mums and babies groups to go along to? It might be helpful to meet other mums with similar age babies.

But it’s not a holiday. And it drove me mad in work when people kept telling me to “enjoy my holiday” before I went on mat leave.

I think this is where it helps that I’m naturally a pessimistic person 😂 I expected it to be shit a lot of the time and it was. It’s fucking hard work. I wouldn’t take any of it back and it did go so fast, but a lot of it was a real grind.

i do have some friends who expected to be able to start a side hustle, travel and pick up hobbies etc who were sorely disappointed by mat leave. Whereas I thought it would be a slog and it was. Not that I’d take any of it back.

Im with you on how hard it is. I found it got easier as baby got older. And do try to find moments of time for you! Accept all help/support offered. Good luck.

It takes 9 months for your body to build a baby, it takes 9 months for your body to recover, that’s what maternity leave is for plus finding you feet and enjoying the experience

I am currently on mat leave too.. 9 months in with my second baby. It has been a sh*t show since July 2024 - my boy had been ill, bronchitis, covid, chest infections.. behind on some development because of a few health issues. I feel awful for not being able to enjoy my time with him as it was took over by worry.. things are starting to improve now and I’m back to work in 8 weeks time. My first mat leave was lovely, hard work but less stressful than this one.
i hope you find some time to enjoy it. It goes by so quick x

Yes, this.
It’s not a holiday.

It's a reason why I didn't like maternity leave. I was expected to do nothing but talk about babies and it was incredibly dull.

@AmusedGoose Women are free to go back to work early and earn money to pay for childcare. You want to cut everyone's mat leave because some want to go back early? I say this as someone who doesn't live in the UK and only had 6 months mat leave recently. Returning to work this early is hell. I'm wasting hours of my employer's time to pump milk at work every 2 hours (by law they have to give me this time). 6 month olds don't quite sleep through the night yet so I'm extremely sleep deprived. I still have lots of medical appointments because of birth injuries plus all the baby's vaccinations every couple of months. I'm working at like maybe 50% capacity. More fool on my employer. They would have been better off letting me stay at home a couple of extra months unpaid.

In what way does removing the OPTION of having 6 more months with your baby help with anything she's said?

Is working an 8 hour shift something that usually helps you with exhaustion and sleep deprivation?

In what way does being forced to end you mat leave after 6 months assist with expensive childcare fees?

You do know that it's not mandatory to take maternity leave right? You can go back after 2 weeks if you want.