To think maternity leave is supposed to be enjoyable?

Parenting is relentless….

Hang in there OP! 3 months is still very young and if your first child, so many changes for you! I’d say around 4/5/6 months when baby gets a bit bigger, sleep is better and seems a bit easier. They’re also a bit more responsive to feels less like you’re on your own. I’d recommend baby classes - baby sensory, baby yoga, swimming, just anything to break up the day a bit. Have friends over for coffee (friends from before baby or new mums you meet.) I really enjoyed mat leave but did it my way - did 2-3 classes/groups a week, had friends and family over a few times a week and did things I could while sitting ie reading my kindle, watching an episode of something on my phone if baby was asleep in my arms. I’m quite a homey person though so maybe made a difference? Good luck OP!

Discipline and willpower are not words I want to associate with caring for my little baby tbh. I’m not happy to let her be distressed so it’s not “inconvenient” she’s a tiny person who needs me! I’m not going to let her cry in her pram when she needs comforting. It’s a phase and it will pass.

I’m sure plenty of other mums feel the same. Women are allowed to find it hard whilst doing the best they can for their baby.

FWIW I am enjoying my maternity leave but I can completely see why people find it hard and it’s certainly not miraculously solved by “sleeping when the baby sleeps”

It was definitely a break but at the same time, I really didn't enjoy my days of doing nothing but simple stuff that didn't require too much thought.

I went back to work early and found the balance much better.

@ToKittyornottoKitty no one is judging OP or saying she is doing anything wrong. I’m just sharing my experience. We all have our battles. I just like to try and make stuff as enjoyable as I can, I’m not good living in the doom and gloom space.

Enjoyable? Fuck, no! Don't get me wrong, I adore my children but I practically skipped back to work when my first Mat leave ended. You can love your kids and still need something for yourself, don't ever feel ashamed of finding being at home with a baby full time hard. It is entirely normal to have moments of thinking "what have I done??" because however much you love your baby, adjusting to your new reality is really hard and it's ok to miss your old life. It doesn't make you a bad Mum.

Honestly, the best advice I can give you is to ignore everyone's advice and do what works for you. For example, I hated baby groups. Loathed and detested them. But with my first I felt like I had to go because that's what people tell you. So on my second maternity leave I just didn't do it. We still went out everyday...for long walks, to coffee shops, mooched around galleries, whatever I fancied doing. But I definitely did not fancy sitting cross legged on the floor of a church hall singing Incy Wincey Spider with a load of other women whilst our babies either slept or screamed. Also, I am rubbish at sleeping in the day so the whole "nap while the baby naps" thing didn't work for me. But lying on the sofa watching something on Netflix or listening to a podcast for an hour while the baby napped allowed me to de-compress and feel more human again.

My kids are 7 and 11 now and they're so much fun. Life is still busy, they're both Autistic so have their challenges but it's a hell of a lot easier than the baby stage. Today I took DD to her dance class and sat in the cafe next door reading a book with a coffee until she was done. Then when DH got back from taking DS to football we all went out for a nice lunch (no tantrums or screaming, I got to eat my food while it was still hot because that is the norm for us now), they played in the garden all afternoon while DH and I got on with some jobs and now they're happily watching a film and i'm sat here scrolling with a glass of wine. Some days are still hard, but the relentless feeding, burping, changing cycle that seemed never-ending at the time now feels like a lifetime ago.

You will sleep again. You will have time for yourself again. You will have clothes and furniture that don't have shit or sick on them again. You will be able to spontaneously leave the house taking nothing but your phone and car keys with you again.

Honestly, OP. It will be OK.

The first few months are the hardest, though I personally loved the newborn days. My baby is 10 months old now, and I have loved maternity leave. I go out the house everyday. I hang out with my baby. I socialise a lot. For me personally it's been miles easier and less stressful than work, and I'm dreading going back 😂 I appreciate for a lot of people though, the baby days ar a boring, lonely slog.

@SouthLondonMum22 each to their own. I have a job with lots of responsibility, so was glad to have a break from it and do some simple stuff that didn’t require too much thought. I couldn’t have done it forever though.

We are all different and some people just can't manage what you did. I certainly couldn't have.

Yes, it does get easier. But I found it to be a frightening nightmare at the start. I think the problem is that people paint this idyllic picture of life with a new baby and it just isn't like that. Just lower your expectations, feel proud that you got through each day and try to do something you enjoy every day, even if it's only grabbing a 10 minute nap or walking to the shops and back. Relax as much as you can (not easy I know).

I haven't read all the replies but my LO is 3 months (13 weeks) and I'm enjoying it. Not absolutely everything,; I get about the same amount of sleep in 3 chunks, and I don't sleep in the day either, and I do feel deep deprived, but I'm enjoying loads of it.

I'm going to a few baby classes per week, and on days when I don't, will go for a coffee with dp to get out for a while. Visiting family and friends, who are delighted with baby (and give me a little break). DP takes LO for walks almost every day and I get some time to myself (I often spend it gardening which I enjoy).

LO feeds very often and during that time I binge watch a show that I enjoy. I'm also making sure to have food that I enjoy and can look forward to every day. Little things but they're really helpful to me.

Then there's playing with baby girl who is interacting more and more. She's so much fun and so cute!

I'm sorry if others have already said these, and I'm sure you've tried some of these, but no, I don't think that all you should feel is monotony and tiredness (though I definitely do feel those too sometimes).

I agree with @WhatNoRaisins meeting other mums helps (and there are free ways to do this).

It was the best year I remember. I had a hard job that was relentless and I knew I wasn’t going back. Money wasn’t a huge issue and I loved just doing housework and wandering around with my buggy. It’s the most tired I’ve ever been but I look back now and think of it as the happiest I’ve probably been.

30 minutes is plenty of time for an adult to Power Nap. In fact, 20-30 minutes is the ideal time.

And until they grew out of it, my baby would only sleep being rocked in a pram. So that’s what I did. Rocked them in the hallway in the pram. I certainly wasn’t going to let them get used to the car / sling or something else inconvenient.

It’s about experimenting and changing their behaviour such that it suits you. Simple really. Not easy, it requires discipline and will power. But it is simple.

Society has given us unrealistic expectations and this was the case long before social media was around. Having a baby can be an exhausting and almost shocking experience, especially if you don't have extended family around to help. Lower your expectations and feel grateful for the enjoyable bits between the hard slog. Get out to meet other mums at groups and buggy walks in the park.

Twins made it so much more ‘intense’. They rarely slept at the same time, day or night.

It’s not enjoyable. Not sure it’s supposed to be?

i has some lovely days and also days where i cried my eyes out all day

all in all, i was happy to get back to work

men have it easy

It doesn’t take a genius to work out that you can’t “sleep when the baby sleeps” if your baby will only sleep in the sling, in the car or being held, or are you advocating unsafe sleeping? Also my baby slept for 30 mins at a time in the day which is not enough for an adult nap by the time she had been settled.

Sleep when the baby sleeps has got to be one of the most annoying things people say, it’s like they can’t see past their own nose and engage brain to think why that may not be possible and it’s quite demoralising to new mums.

The sleep while the baby sleeps thing works really well for some people but doesn't for others. I never could because mine only really napped either in a moving pram or in a sling/on top of me.

I also am not a great napper anyway, even when very tired, I find naps somehow leave me feeling groggier than before

I never could sleep when the baby slept during the day. I absolutely craved time awake w/o the baby. I am still the same tbh - and DS2 is a great 16 yo lump now. I only truly relax in my home when I know no one is going to make any demands of me.
I also needed that time to get house stuff done. Yes, I could put DS in a sling, but I found it made my back sore after a while. This wasn't helped by the expectations held by both me and my now ex. People say let the housework go, but I never could (I'm not talking show home by any means).

You can do all of that and still not enjoy it. It's a reason why I didn't because those were the expectations and it was so incredibly dull.

That’s not particularly fair, OP isn’t sad because she’s not making the most of it, and that attitude is really damaging to many mums who struggle. Some people have more difficult recoveries or babies or personal circumstances. It’s nice that you found it easy but that doesn’t mean OP is doing it wrong, she just hasn’t reached that point yet

I really enjoyed my maternity leave. I made a point of trying to sleep as much as I could while baby was sleeping. Don’t get me wrong, I was exhausted but I tried to enjoy being away from work. I went to some baby classes, socialized with other mums, went for walks etc. It is what you make it I guess.

It is really boring and you have to find some sort of energy to go out when you can and pick up a hobby to do with the baby, use the lack of routine at the moment to your advantage. Once you go back to work it will be a different type of boring monotony

It's comments like yours which are contributing towards OP's feelings.

It's great that you're doing so well entirely on your own and are able to sleep when your baby does during the day.
OP is clearly not feeling that way.

No in my experience maternity leave is hard for first 6 months and then it starts be more enjoyable as baby gets older and you feel better and have more sleep. Then at 10 months you are starting to enjoy and you've got to go back to work!