To think maternity leave is supposed to be enjoyable?

I’m not sure who told you it’s meant to be enjoyable but absolutely no one I know enjoyed it. You’re sleep deprived, doing all the things you usually do and then caring for a tiny human too. Most people have other kids so there’s that too.

Not in the sense it’s not a break or a holiday, no. Depending on the pregnancy, delivery and many post natal factors, including support or lack thereof it can be a very challenging but also a very variable experience.

I didn’t enjoy mat leave first time. I did have PND and was always the youngest mum so didn’t make any mum friends.

Second time around I really really enjoyed it but I wonder if it’s a combination of having friends that have also had babies. Going out to my normal ish activities with baby, and having an older kid whose routine didn’t change and so we were still up and about when baby was small.

Mat leave was a welcomed break for me though because my life previously was super super busy. So although we had sleepless nights I made up for it with lie ins. I appreciated the act of not doing too much (except looking after baby) - my partner took care of lots of the domestics so that’s all I really did.

I set myself a challenge to go to as many baby groups as I could until I found my “mum tribe” - I wish more groups took place later in the day.

3 months is still young. You can give yourself a goal like daily walks, mum clubs, see how you feel.

I must be an outlier going by this thread because I loved maternity leave. My three mat leaves were the only time in my working life where I wasn't under the control of someone in work and could completely please myself. I visited my parents every week - they lived an hour away - and I went out and about a lot. Yeah it was tiring, I was breastfeeding so DH couldn't do night feeds. I'd had c/sections all three times so there was that to recover from. My babies were all colicky and DC1 had reflux.

I remember my maternity leaves as a time of freedom that I haven't had at any other time in my life. The lack of sleep in the winter with my 3rd and at 40 nearly did me in, but I still loved my time at home.

You can enjoy:
Seeing your baby for the first time and marvelling at the tiny person you created.
Watching your baby sleeping, smiling, grabbing your finger, looking at you.
Introducing him/her to your family and friends.
The deep feeling of contentment when your baby latches on and your oxytocin levels rise.
Dressing them in the teeny tiny clothes that you've been collecting for months.
The love your partner shows to you and your baby.

Those are just a few. These are things we are told about and most of us experience when we become parents.
Obviously it's not all buttercups and roses but there should be joy as well.

Well if you're the sort of person who enjoys sleep-deprived ultra marathons, but without the changes of scenery, sure, I suppose you may even still enjoy maternity leave?

I had a theory when mine were young that the more senior a job someone had - particularly if they had agency for how they arranged their own time - the harder the transition was into maternity leave.

Here you now are, with an exceptionally inflexible schedule, a hundred things to sort out for this tiny dictator, sleep deprived, no longer doing something you're experienced at, and your existing support network generally not of much use.

Hang in there! Figure out who your new support network is (clue not the mums at baby group who are saying their 3 month old takes a bottle every night at 8pm and doesn't wake til gone 6am the next day!), get over your internal hurdle of asking family for specific help.

And eventually I hope you can enjoy some of it - try to make the most as the sun comes out, as close to home as possible so it's not a major logistics faff that outs you off getting out at all. Try to find other mum friends & places to meet that allow for 15 minutes of flexibility around meeting times. Ditch the ones that make you feel bad if you're 3 minutes late because it demonstrates you feel your time is more important than theirs-we all know that no-one actually feels this way & shit (sometimes literally) happens. But you don't need to pally up with people in your circle who will make you feel like you're doing an inferior job, it's hard enough!

Talk with your partner about this. They often manage to be utterly oblivious about how soul destroying it is to feel shit at something for months on end. You're not, but it's too easy to get lost in that feeling.

Good luck!

Maternity leave is to recover from having a baby! What led you to believe it was supposed to be enjoyable? Lots of aspects parenthood aren’t enjoyable.

Maternity leave is exhausting at the beginning. Once your milk settles down and you start going to Parent and Baby Groups it will start feeling more enjoyable. I'm not promising you don't suddenly have something new or sleep routines go totally askew but things do improve.

As soon as they reliably sleep long stretches. Some babies do it very young, many don’t. Sleep deprivation is torture you won’t really enjoy anything when in the thick of that. My mat leave 1 was an exhausting slog. Mat leave 2 was the best year of my life as baby slept a little longer (2-3 wakes a night usually compared to 6-12 for baby 1).

It does get better OP. The first few months are hard as hell - it’s just so massively life changing. I cannot say that I enjoyed mine …it was hard work and huge adjustment.

I love my children and have a really good, close relationship with them but the tiny baby stage was very boring so I couldn’t wait to get back to work.

My response to “they’re only this little for such a short time don’t which it away!” was initially a shit ton of guilt. But after a while my internal response was “thank fuck they’re only this little for a short amount on time. I couldn’t do this for 18 years”. Then my LO turned into a toddler and could walk and speak and it’s only been upwards from there.

I'm exactly the same...3 month old baby and I've also had days where it's just felt so monotonous! Like others have said; getting out, joining baby groups and meeting other mums has been a saviour for me, especially now the weather is getting better!

I struggled too. When my sister had her children, 18 years ago, she meant a bunch of women at a breast feeding group and they ended up doing alsorts together either in smaller groups or all together. Lasted years. I was really hoping I’d find a couple of new friends! I did find one, but because of life and work and nap schedules not aligning we haven’t met up much.

But going to a weekly group still helped with interacting with other mums in a similar situation.

it is monotonous at this age. However, very soon they will start learning and doing so many new things.

@Newmumhere40 all these people saying 'sleep when the baby sleeps' as if you had never thought of that! Mine rarely naps and when she does it's on me or very occasionally in the moving pram. Sleeping when she sleeps is not an option. I don't know if it's the same for you but I'm so tired of people saying that! That and the 'movement will put her to sleep' cliché in relation to being in the car / pram. As if I don't know my own baby (who hates the car and mostly just wants to look out at everything when in the pram).

Yes, he works. He does these things after work.

My parents are retired so luckily I can spend time with them when suits us both.

I have one friend on maternity leave, and others I meet for lunch very occasionally.

I was just trying to give the OP some ideas to help make her days easier, because looking after a small baby is undoubtedly hard, and I voted YANBU, because of course she isn't.

Why so combative in response to my post?

Ha. It’s not remotely enjoyable. Though I had a terrible birth, non sleeping baby and undiagnosed PND and anxiety, so I’m not the best one to ask.

It does get easier - I promise. But not yet- you’re only 3 months in. Still very early days. I’d say it gets better from 6 months. More fun when they’re bigger and more interactive. And much better when they sleep through.

You can sleep train gently from 6 months. We did it at 7 months to save my sanity and our marriage don’t be too hard on yourself. The first 12 months were the hardest of my life.

I promise, it gets easier. DS is 6 now and I really enjoy being a Mum and family life. He’s my world. But I found the baby stage very hard. Some women have easy going, good sleeping babies and can’t relate at all to my experience.

I’ve never found anything as tough as PND and a baby. Hang on in there and pester your doctor for help if things don’t improve. Join lots of baby groups and get out of the house every day. Go back to work when you can and don’t feel bad about using a good nursery.

Our babies are the same age :) and i had my tearful moment on the changing table this morning thinking how hard and tiring this is! I feel like i have no control and no idea what I am doing and feel so worried to be in charge of my baby.. surely there is someone better than I? It is hard but as everyone keeps saying it gets better - and it must / look you are all grown up. It just have been hard for your mum too!
i see loads of recommendations for groups! I do loads everyday of the week except Fridays and I don’t enjoy the chit chat with the mums. I find the baby competition abit unsettling..ooh is your not rolling/mine started crawling etc etc what I like about the groups is that is an opportunity to learn and do something different with your baby! I always have something to chat to her about afterwards…and she enjoys looking around/taking it all in!
I didn’t think maternity leave was going to be fun or easy but I completely forgot expenses still occur even though the income has dried up! You are going to be ok OP - hang in there.

Well, I guess everyone has different experiences.

Sleep deprived and exhausted, yes absolutely.

My DH was at work all week, not going for coffees with me and certainly not taking the baby for walks while I got free time. Does your DP not work?

No family anywhere nearby.

Friends at work all week.

I didn't find playing with a 3 month old lots of fun, there's really very little they can do. I fared better with my second maternity leave, simply because I had a toddler to interact with as well.

It's time meant for you to heal after creating new life and the trauma of giving birth, and the time needed to look after a newborn. That can be hard work. Babies cry and need feeding at ungodly hours and it can be exhausting. It's also time to give up your old life and embrace your new one as a mother. Sorry, it's not a walk in the park or a bonus holiday. But get help if you think you're suffering from post natal depression. Good luck