To think maternity leave is supposed to be enjoyable?

It got easier for me when I went back to work after a year (not that I wanted to st the time).

Nobody really tells you that the reason maternity leave is offered is because the first year is so hard.

@Sofiewoo my partner was fantastic but I was only getting 5 hours due to a mix of

• doing my share meant that my sleep was so utterly disrupted that after getting baby back to sleep i was wired and wide awake

• some sort of post natal anxiety/ocd which had me repetitively checking DD and jerking awake in a panic (like when you dream you're falling)

So it's perfectly possibe to struggle even with a brilliant dad in the mix.

I had summer babies so I hit this point when the weather was miserable with dark mornings/evenings. So you are lucky that you can do so many things now it’s spring. I second everyone saying making friends with other mums can be a game changer. As your baby is still small, use this time to try to do something for you every day. Have a walk round a local garden centre, visit the library, join National Trust or traipse around a shopping centre. You have all this freedom if you’re breast feeding and havent started weaning which enforces structure to your day. It’s only like this with your first, when you are doing it next time you will have other things taking up your time eg school run, homework, extra curricular activities. So I think that’s where the ‘enjoy maternity leave’ come from when it’s your first, but it’s not the case is it? You will enjoy it once baby is interacting more and you’re meeting up with others.

I feel for you, it can be so relentless. But I think the actual truth is plenty of people don’t find mat leave enjoyable. Lots of people struggle for the reasons you have described and others.

But I would say it should get better. The four /five month sleep regression is a bind but after that it should get easier. The sun will be shining more and you can hopefully have some nice mornings / afternoons out. I hope you can enjoy it more as time goes on.

Mum and baby cinema was my favourite followed by coffee

wed afternoon was the baby group met up

i personally enjoys being off work but missed the social life of work

The reason it exists in civilised countries is because looking after a new baby is all consuming and hard hard work. I think the first three months are a blur of survival. Somewhere between 6 and 9 months things get much easier. Hence why some can also work at the same time. The unpaid bit 9-12mo is about the only bit that’s really “leave” in any sense. Even then some people don’t get unbroken nights for a couple of years.

The newborn stage can feel relentless - all they do is eat, sleep and cry! But you are just reaching the age where baby will start to interact with you more and you get more fun moments.

Have you tried going to any classes? Baby massage and baby sensory are two I loved when mine were that age. Baby massage in particular because the woman who ran it used to bring out tea and cake at the end and we all had a chat. It also felt like a really safe space to talk about how hard it felt sometimes. Hang in there. It does get easier.

Ah I feel for you OP, I thought the same. Thought I'd be chilling with a sleeping/happy baby, meeting friends, reading books etc. Instead, I did meet friends but baby was grouchy for the first few months, refused to be put down to sleep, and constantly breastfed.

It does get better but maternity leave was hard work, and I must admit I do prefer it now I'm back at work 🙈 Don't get me wrong, I love having her and spending time with her, but all day, every day with a baby - especially if the baby is quite a needy one! - is tough, there are no breaks.

I don’t remember ever thinking it was supposed to be enjoyable, so I had very low expectations. Despite this and a great sleeping, I still found it pretty mundane and mind numbing. I think people enjoy different stages, I love the toddler years!

I skipped back into work, lunchbox in hand with a massive smile on my face. I couldn’t wait. Hated most of ML. Love being a mum now I have the balance.

If your partner is so fantastic why are you only getting 5 hours sleep a night? If the baby sleeps badly then you should be staggering the night. 5 hours is 12-5am but you shouldn’t be the one staying up to midnight and then getting up at 5am.

Sounds like life with a baby to me - exhausting, boring and repetitive.

I'm on my second maternity leave (8 months in) and I'd say it's very enjoyable. A large part of that is because I'm someone who always liked having lots of hobbies so I sign up for everything! Library baby groups, exercise baby groups, baby swimming, baby book club etc etc. I just leaned into it.

It was quite a while ago for me, but I remember quite enjoying it - the first baby is absolutely the most difficult in the newborn stage, as it’s the biggest adjustment (I had 2 more and the newborn seemed easy compared to toddlers, but also I was more experienced). I think a combination of adjusting your expectations (eg - sitting and cuddling your baby and watching something on tv, rather than worrying about housework) and getting out to baby groups and making some friends - make a huge difference.

Oh OP, I feel for you. I feel like we are sold this big lie as a society that maternity leave is a break and easy because we aren't at work. When the reality is completely different then it feels so much worse than if we were prepared all along for it to be difficult. So much depends on the type of baby you have and it can feel even harder when those with easy breezy babies insist that it's all a stroll in the park.

Go easy on yourself! It definitely does get easier.

A friend of mine joked with me that she thought she’d be able to do her masters during her maternity leave - needless to say we laughed!! It’s like being a lifeguard - always on high alert but not able to actually do much.

my recommendation woukd be to take your daughter to baby classes. It’s a lovely chance to meet other mums and chat with adults. I thought the first year of motherhood was like being a fresher at uni - everyone wants to talk to you!

Same. I'm not convinced the introvert/extrovert thing is that fixed, you need different things at different times of life.

It’s pretty boring sometimes, what you’re feeling sounds very normal and the repetitive routine drove me crazy with my first one, it’s like Groundhog Day for the first few months. Definitely try to meet up with other mums, go to museums, picnics, lunches etc while baby is still young enough to cart around, travel if you can, before 12 months is the easiest time to travel with babies. But also don’t have too high expectations as life with babies and toddlers is monotonous at times, no matter how much you love them, and unless you’re lucky, it will be a long time until you sleep properly again.

The first few months are the hardest. It's all very new and different.

You say you go out most days which is good but are you seeing other adults? I enjoyed my maternity leave but it was the social side I enjoyed.

Are there friends with babies you can visit? Not necessarily just playgroups but a relaxed coffee with a friend at one of your houses where you can chat properly while your babies are there.

I used to visit my mum. It was nice to have the time to do that. I don't have so much time now.

Groups can be nice. Little ones usually like music and can join in at a young age. Perhaps baby massage. I never really made friends at groups though or chatted much. It was more about doing the activities.

on the bright side, at least you're not having to combine the lack of sleep with working full time - surely that's the purpose of mat leave?

And yes I agree that having friends in similar situation to meet up with makes a big difference, even if you don’t feel like you’re that sociable a person. I was fairly introverted before babies, but I found myself craving adult contact when I was on maternity leaves and going to groups and meeting up with some antenatal friends was a bit of a lifeline. I ended up doing a lot of groups and classes and gradually met more people who I clicked with. Key is to find people who you would get on without babies/children in the equation, as friendships based purely on having babies the same age don’t generally work out longer term.

With both my children I turned a corner at around 9 months..it’s a bloody slog till then.. you’re doing a job way way harder than going out to work. Try an get a snooze when baby sleeps during the day..treat yourself x You’re doing a fantastic job..

Try and sleep when baby sleeps if you can. It's easier said than done though I'd usually end up doing housework when they slept as it was my only chance. My DS is 15 months now and I actually found the newborn stage easier in hindsight. Chasing after a toddler I find more tiring.

I really enjoyed mat leave as I enjoyed the plodding around at home. I went for lots of lovely walks, lovely coffees etc. I just really enjoyed the time
off.
But I had good sleepers and am generally comfortable in my own company which makes a difference

About four months for me. Before four months I did go out but I didn't just do whatever I wanted. Around four months I realised how portable the baby is, and started going for long hill walks (3 hours +), meeting friends in cafes, visiting relatives, and so on. I live rurally but if you are in a town there is so much more you could do. Okay, I couldn't do a couple of my hobbies because they weren't baby-friendly and I was breastfeeding so couldn't leave them, but that's a sacrifice I expected.

I got far less sleep than you with all mine (think every 1-2 hours through the night up until they were toddlers) but I still enjoyed life. I think your body adapts to less sleep, but it may take longer than 3 months, I can't remember.

I would say that the baby stage from roughly 4-10 months is the absolute best for just doing whatever you want. After that they can be much fussier about their sleep schedule and also more wilful so you struggle a lot more in cafes, shopping and so on. So make the most of it! I know it's easier said than done, but try to start doing fun things again. Take someone with you the first time if it's daunting, to give you the confidence to do it by yourself.

It is a hard slog, only made enjoyable by having great support, friends to do things with and the resources to do 'fun' things.

Three months is still early though, so I hope it will get easier soon 💐.