Sister pulled out of organising my hen without telling me fist

Demanding and exacting are words used of a difficult boss in relation to his/her paid employees. Your sister is neither paid nor in your employ. It's bizarre that you think your entitled to be either of these things to your own sister who was using her free time to plan this event for you.

Bloody Hell, I feel for your sister and she has actually behaved really well here by saying she can't cope rether than just letting you down
And why are you more concerned about the way it looks to others than about your sisters MH and your behaviour?
How many people does it take to organise a Hen Do anyway? Possibly quite a few if you are expecting a lot and are being a pain in the arse about it
Hopefully it will still be Insta worthy for you

Demanding? Exacting? You know theres a relatively new terminology that is usually given to people like this don't you? The first part of the word is Bride. The second part of the word is less flattering. You're being a Bridezilla. Your relationship with your sister is far more important than one day that nobody else cares about the way you do.

For ‘demanding and exacting’, read ‘major bridezilla pain in the fuckin arse’ op. My god your poor sister. It’s a wedding, people have them all the time, it’s one day. You’ve obviously pushed her to her limits and she’s backed out to protect herself, she must feel terrible. You need to apologise big time and the sooner the better.

It seems perfectly logical for your sister to discuss with the other bridesmaids FIRST to check that they are able/willing to take the reins going forward before letting you know of the new arrangements. Imagine if she'd told you she was stepping back and then it turned out the other bridesmaids were unwilling/unable to take on her responsibilities. She's done the right thing here.

I imagine (or recommend) that you be nicer to the bridesmaids taking on the arrangements for the hen than you've apparently been to your sister. They're not related to you and will probably find it far easier to walk if you go full-on tonto on them.

Are you planning a complicated hen party involving plane flights, 2 days abroad and loads of money on stuff people can't afford. Why can't you book a table at a local restaurant and email round the details, people can decide if they want to go to a club afterwards.

This is basically what my hen do will be in the summer, except we’re going to start at lunchtime and it’s being organised via a WhatsApp group!

OP as others have said - your wedding is only the most important thing happening for you and your husband, everybody else has their own lives and priorities. Your MOH is meant to be someone you love, why would you want to put them through a huge amount of stress for a single day?!

If my sister did this I’d be mortified I had behaved in such a way that I’d damaged another persons mental health and be doing all I could to make amends , what have you done ?

your concern seems to be for your image and how things may appear to others

making her rearrange things you don’t like is extreme bridezilla behaviour you are lucky you have hens who are willing to pick up the slack - are you behaving the same towards them ?

I just probably haven’t expressed as much gratitude as I should have. And I made sister rearrange things I just don’t like the sound of.

in all honesty, I think I’d have pulled out too. I don’t blame you for wanting things exactly as you want them for your hen do - I’d be the same - but would organise it myself and delegate specific jobs if I needed a hand.

Pretty much sounds like she's organised stuff and you've told to change it to something else without much thought for her feelings.

The bottom line isn't that it LOOKS like something is going on with you and your sister but that it IS going on and your relationship is at best rocky.

I have a sister that has no idea of the emotional impact of her words, can send me into a spiral for weeks and months, do take more care of her and organise your own damn do if you're that picky.

the fact that you are more worried about saving face and people not thinking something is going f on that your actual sisters feelings tells me what sort of bridezilla you are 😂

Just to add OP, when you say fiancés step dad is end of life, my immediate wedding planning thought is — we could have an intimate ceremony at his bedside, right now, if that's what fiancé and SD would like, and then have a blessing / celebration / party at later date, when it feels right to.

You're not even owed a 'hen do'. Many brides don't have them. That they are organising one for you is lovely, and you should be grateful for whatever they choose. It's not your business to make decisions or intervene on the hen do. Go with the flow and be grateful for whatever you get. So keep out of it.

Your priority is to mend your relationship with your sister. Could you meet her for a walk and talk? What the others think doesn’t matter so much.

Wow. I can’t imagine why she no longer wishes to organise it.

Oh my goodness, what is wrong with people?!?! It’s one fucking day, get over yourself.

I understand women wanting to feel special on your wedding day, but so many (e.g. you!) are total twats about it, forgetting what the day is actually for - two people who love each other forming a (hopefully) lasting union.

It doesn’t matter near as much to other people as it does to you, so suck it up and stop being so fucking ridiculous over it!

“Bridezillas” are so fucking embarrassing. Your poor sister.

A relationship with a sibling is the most long lasting relationship in most people's lives.
Don't risk it for anything.

"I admit I am demanding and can be exacting"

Yiiiiikes.

If you are admitting this about yourself then you are a bridezilla for sure.

I think you need to take a long hard look at yourself here.

So basically being a Bridezilla?

I think you might need to have a frank chat with some huge apologies in there

Trust me OP as someone who has been dragged into several weddings and hen dos literally nobody other than you and your Mum are remotely interested in either. In fact most of us are relieved when it's all over. Your poor sister is probably at the end of her rope.

Totally

I pulled out of my best friends she was dreadful told me I had to keep my mouth buttoned about her past around her new friends and not have too much wine. Nope wasn’t having that shit.

The other brides will know what you are like. Time for a big apology to everyone involved in the wedding I think.

You sound like a nightmare Bridezilla. And when you say “things”, I assume this is one of those tedious hen weekends, not just a hen do on one day? Your ego is the issue here, and you have pushed your poor sister over the edge. Organise your own hen arrangements or cut it down to 1 event. Nothing more tedious than hen dos IMO anyway, I never ever attend them, didn’t even go to my own sisters’ hen dos.

What kind of hen do is it?
Why can't you organise it instead, like brides used to do back in the day when they were usually just a meal and a few drinks

If it is a weekend away with lots of "activities" can't you scale it back? Your hens will thank you.