Sister pulled out of organising my hen without telling me fist

Sounds like she ensured others were happy to do the organising first before she backed our. Why are you being so demanding ?

Are you being such a bridezilla that you are making your sister unwell?

i think you need to examine your own behaviour first rather than hers.

If you're happy for wedding planning to take over your life just now that perfectly understandable. However, it doesn't mean that it should take over anyone else's. Your sister should not be finding her involvement stressful! Be grateful she was willing to help out and apologise for what has gone wrong.

Fair play to her for looking after her mental health. You must have been pretty bad for her to do that. Maybe take a little look at yourself and your behaviours so it doesn't get passed on to someone else who has to deal with your ingratitude and demands.

I wonder if i'm missing a gene or something, but for the life of me i can't understand how some brides turn into such arses over their weddings. It's ONE DAY. It should be about making a commitment to your partner, and the start of your married life together. It doesn't need thousands of pounds spent on hen dos, 'destination' weddings, big fuck-off cakes, money grabbing poems or huge stress and family fall outs.

Get married, don't get married. Whatever. But don't destroy your closest relationships in the process and lose sight of reality.

"I admit I am demanding and can be exacting."

"I just probably haven’t expressed as much gratitude as I should have. And I made sister rearrange things I just don’t like the sound of."

Your own words have summed it up. You are a complete bridezilla and your poor sister has had enough.

Make peace with your sister and arrange your own hen do.

You're high maintenance and she can't be doing with it.

Dial back the hen and organise it yourself.

You know that you have been over demanding and relentless. You need to just go and speak to your sister apologise and just say you’re overwhelmed with everything it will work itself out. But you need to keep your eye on the ball and the ball is your marriage which starts after the wedding to your future husband not the faff in between.

I admit I am demanding and can be exacting

well you bloody shouldn’t be, especially when someone is doing you a massive favour, like organising a whole event, for you, in your honour, as part of your wedding celebrations.

Exactly!

Prizing your image over relationships and how you actually treat other people, your sister in this case, is what caused this, OP.

And now here you are still worried more about your image and 'what people will think' rather than about the mental health challenges being faced by your sister ... much of it due to your behaviour!

Why not organise it yourself? Then you can be as demanding and exacting as you like - and not make someone else rearrange things they already may have spent a lot of time organising. Sounds as though your sister is only being sensible (though probably should never have taken it on in the first place).

The bride should be doing it yes. But it appears in this instance that the bridesmaids have been tasked with it. So I was clearly responding to the OPs particular circumstances…

It doesn't really matter does it? She's just explaining to everyone that she's no longer organising it. It's better this way.

I completely sympathise with your sister. I've been in a similar scenario, where it was up to me to arrange multiple hen do's for a high maintenance bride.

This isn't just making arrangements, it's the keeping track of money, the pressure of how happy the bride will be, making sure timings align etc. It's HARD WORK and I don't think I got a thank you for the months of preparation that went into the planning.
Ive made it clear that I will never do this again, it's not worth the stress. Just be happy that your other bridesmaids are involved in the planning and don't fall out with your sister over it.

Honestly, some brides get this weird attitude that they are the first people in the history of people to get married.
Yes, it's a big deal for you, but for I'd say 90% of the attendees, it's an obligation to get through.

Apologise to your sister - she's not in the wrong here.

Personally I think she did the right thing by letting the other bridesmaids know first, as it will obviously fall to them to pick up the slack.

Why should they?

Why can't the bride organise her hen do. It never used to be for others to organsie, so how about a bit of retro?

It seems to me that being asked to be MOH is a bit of a poisoned chalice.

The world does not revolve around you and your wedding, you are being a proper selfish bridezilla and you need to have a word with yourself

you don't sound that bothered, but I hope that you're DS is OK.

You sound like a bridezilla

To save face? In front of your best friends?

Your fiancés dad is about to die, and you’re making such a drama about a fucking hen do?

Sick. I don’t blame your sister.

If "saving face" is really all your bothered about here, rather than being understanding and concerned for your sister, then it is obvious why she has had to do what she has done, you would never have let her go quietly or without blame.

I know it's not what you want to hear, but she's done the right thing to be honest, if your FIL is end of life you should be concentrating on that and supporting your fiance, not being ridiculously picky and choosy about a hen do.

When is the wedding? Can preparations for the wedding & hen do be put on hold for a while.

Well, it looks like something weird is going on because there IS something weird going on. You are not treating your sister (who does't have robust mental health) with due regard and respect. She didn't speak to you because speaking to you was too hard.
Treat her with honour.
Do most of the wedding planning yourself and feel gratitude if others hold a hens do for you. A hens do is not manditory after all.
Think about what really matters. Cherish your family.
Love to be a kind bride.

I'm sure it's not too late for a sincere apology.

Im sorry to hear about your fiancé's stepdad but that should be one more reason for you to put things in perspective and put your heart on what really matters!

Enjoy your wedding!🌻

It makes it look like something very weird is going on between my sister and I.

I think there really IS something going on between you and your sister, doesnt just look like there is.