Dad allowed daughter to pierce her nose without my knowledge.

'Nearly 18' doesn't really come into it if in England, at 16 she is already old enough not to need parental permission - there is no legal minimum age for most piercings, but local authorities usually set 16+ as a condition of the licence; under 16s require parental permission, but 16+ do not.

I can see why you might prefer she didn't have it done, but it's her body, it's a fairly common socially acceptable piercing so not one that should cause her issues with employmemt etc, and if she changes her mind it's easily removeable and basically reversible - the hole fades away to almost nothing or closes completely. My sister and I both had our lips pierced at that age, she took hers out a few years later and the hole closed up and isn't visible anymore, I still have my piercing 20 years on and still really like it. Neither of us regret having it done. Don't make it a bigger deal than it is.

Agree. I'd be reflecting on my parenting style tbh. I have always wanted my children to feel they can tell me anything.

My son got his nose pierced at 17. I was horrified he would do that to his lovely, perfect nose. I told him it looked amazing and super cool. A few months later he took it out.actually, I’d forgotten all about it until I read your post. He’s now 20 - I guess he must have a tiny mark from the old piercing but I don’t notice it, it’s history!

I don't the tattoo my DD got five minutes past her 18th birthday but what can I do? She tried nose piercings which actually looked quite nice but they closed up. Anything past the age of 16 I've bit my tongue as regards her appearance because it's her body, her choice. At 17, your DD can do what she likes unless it's illegal!

She went to him because she knew you’d say no. She’s 17, it’s fine.

It’s fine. She’s 17.

Age 14. Fair argument.

Age 17. YABU.

Wait till she comes home with a tattoo. Because she will.

I assumed this was going to be about a 12 year old.

She’s almost an adult. It’s just a nose piercing. Really not a big deal. Your reaction is why she didn’t tell you.

She is 17 it should be her choice it's her body!

YABU. Is she right, would you have tried to talk her out if it?
She's old enough to decide for herself and a nose piercing isn't a big deal.

She’s 17 - it’s nothing to do with you.

If you want her in to be able to come to you with actual problems then you might want to take some time to reflect on why she and her dad didn’t tell you her plan, and why it upsets you so much that she’s making this very normal choice about something which doesn’t affect anyone else.

It happened behind your back because she knew you'd try and control what she did with her own body. She's 17 and it's her nose, I wouldn't be keen on my child doing this but I also wouldn't try and control it because its not my body. Her dad did the right thing and I would have done the same in his position.

You need to learn to let go, she's 17, this is her body, you don't have any control over it at this point, which is only right.
You only have yourself to blame for being kept out of the loop.

I think given she is 17, you need to let it go.

Oh ffs she is 17. And she already doesn’t think you support her life choices if she didn’t tell you (not ask you) first. My dd had hers done at 16. I wasn’t keen but it was her choice, it’s eminently reversible and we looked up a reputable place together and I went with her. She is now 19, I can’t actually imagine her without the piercing but more importantly she knows she can tell me anything and I won’t freak out. And when I found out her father was cheating on me I had mine done too and she held my hand.

I'd be more concerned that my DD felt that I'd disapprove so strongly about a simple piercing that she felt she had to hide it from you. What else is she going to hide from you for fear of your disproval?!

I think you should think about how you are coming across to your daughter.

You are steamed enough to post about the nose piercing and the secret-keeping, but you haven't reflected on the reason your daughter felt she couldn't talk to you about this, and your husband is either a mischievous man playing games or a man who doesn't feel he'd get a fair hearing either, if he were to be open and honest with you.

Only you know which shoe fits here.

My friend's daughter pierced her nose herself because she knew her mum wouldn't let her.

I'd let it go. And say that in future you would rather know and help make sure she finds the best place to go.

You do know that you can do certain piercings yourself without going to a piercer?

If you make a big deal out of it she will keep it in or keep piercing it.

What's wrong with nose piercings anyway?

Is this a joke ?

I thought you were going to say she was 11 or something !

It's a nose piercing, it's nothing drastic, nothing to be upset about.

I'd voice your frustration at it being a secret from you and then leave it.

Your DH obviously doesn't agree with you let stance on not allowing it and your DD is very nearly an adult. Maybe try and see their point of view too. It'll probably also mean the world to her if you tell her it suits her or you like it on her.

But it was 'behind your back' because you wouldn't 'let' her do it?

If she told you, as you said, you would have talked her out of it.

This is the reality of our children growing up, they no longer need permission to do this kind of thing.