Dad allowed daughter to pierce her nose without my knowledge.

I thought she was going to be about 14 or something!

Shes 17… she can have a piercing without her parents being there.

I had my nose pierced when younger. It fell out and healed, no obvious scar. She’s nearly an adult, you need to move on. I’ve a 17 yo and I’d only intervene in situations I thought were dangerous to her. Anything else is up to her.

There’s no ‘allowing’ here - it’s her body. My mum went nuts when I had mine done behind her back. No-one died, and as it happens I stopped wearing it years and years ago.

In your shoes, I’d be reflecting on why your DH decided not to tell you. Because of how you would react?

Christ if this is the worse she’s done at 17 then you’ve been very lucky.

I will never understand people objecting to their adult ‘children’ having piercings and/or tattoos. I’ve only got ear piercings, no tattoos (can’t stand them) but my daughter has multiple of both (including a nose ring). Has a great job, getting married this year - the piercings and the tattoos haven’t hindered her at all in life. What’s the point in getting hysterical about it? YABU.

What nonsense. I think they look nice and, in any case, It's OP's daughter's nose and she can do what she likes with it.

not up to either parent at 17. Her choice.

She didn’t go behind your back. What she does with her nose is nothing to do with you so there was no need to tell you. Leave her to express herself

Nose piercings are beautiful.

I got a lip ring without my parents knowledge or permission when I was 16. Maybe a different situation though, my parents barely acknowledged my existence so didn't care.

Get over it. It's not the end of the world.

Be careful making statements like this, nose piercings can hold cultural meanings. I’d like to see you tell my Indian grandmother that she’s trashy!

OP, you’d have a leg to stand on if she was 13, but sadly for you, she’s above the legal age to get piercings without parental consent.
Perhaps the real problem here is you feel that she trusts your husband more than you?
My mum tried to “stop” me getting a tattoo at 21! She followed me to the tattoo studio and scolded me like I was a child. Humiliating, and it made the tattoo artist question whether I had provided a fake ID 😐

At least you've got a heads up to prepare for the tattoo

Be relieved that she has a relationship with her dad where she’s more likely to come to him if she’s in trouble than try and cope alone.

this age is such a vulnerable time, we need them to run to us, not from us in life.

There's more at stake here than a nose piercing. I mean it kindly but maybe Dad is more in tune with your DD than you are. Teens are all about exploring and on the verge of independence. Let her go and learn. It will be so much easier if you embrace this period of her life and encourage it.

In the past two years my 18yo DD has had her nose pierced, a tattoo and a belly button piercing.

The only one I didn’t know about in advance was the tattoo. I was a bit upset because she was drunk and I didn’t think it was a well considered decision. She confessed she regretted it and was embarrassed so I didn’t give her a hard time. There’s a standing offer that I’ll pay for laser removal if she wants it.

I used to think I’d be the kind of mum who cared about these things but I credit DH with encouraging me not to police her body and to view it as self expression. She’s an amazing person, insanely intelligent, kind, funny and with a fantastic work ethic (full time Uni studies doing law plus 2 PT jobs). That’s all so much more important than piercings and tattoos.

YABU.

It doesn't matter if you don't like it. She does and she's almost an adult.

You couldn't have stopped her. She was old enough to choose what to do with her own body. Seems she trusts her father more than she trusts you. Maybe focus on why that was instead of wasting your anger on the piercing.

You couldn't have stopped her. She was old enough to choose what to do with her own body. Seems she trusts her father more than she trusts you. Maybe focus on why that was instead of wasting your anger on the piercing.

She’s 17 that ship has sailed. She’s Gillick competent and can now make her own choices. Interested as to how you would have “stopped” a near adult doing something they were perfectly entitled to do? Screaming and shouting probably hence why they didn’t tell you. Agree with pp I would be concerned that she won’t come to you with problems. Your relationship doesn’t sound great that the two of them had to hide it.

I made it very clear to dd1 that I hated tummy button piercings and would prefer she didn’t do that but of course it was up to her. I put my reasoning to her we had a chat but she decided she wanted it anyway and got it. No drama.

Good lord you people really exist.
Im the trash of the trash then lol.

My dad let me get my nose done at 14.
By the time i was 16 my ears were done 7 times still have them in.
I had loads of piercings done the thing you should be thinking is thank god she can take them out if she dont like them cant do that with ink.
My dad told me pierce what you want but you will not have tattoos until your 21 or any piercings that make see through holes his words not mine.
I took his word ive never had any ink done not my thing over the years i have took most studs out only my ears and nono and nipple left.
My ears were first done at 2 weeks old by my nan this was way back in the day.

I know you’re not happy and I get that, but she can take it out and it doesn’t leave a mark. If she has a job interview she needs it out for, they won’t know any different. It really isn’t the end of the world. I got mine done at 14, my mum let me on the condition “poke whatever holes in yourself you want but please, no tattoos”. It had not impacted my life at all, and it can be undone with no noticeable physical marks.

Basically, so what? If this is the most challenging thing she's done I really wouldn't give it a second thought.

I'd be more concerned that she felt she had to hide it from you.

I had mine done at 16.

You know why she didn’t tell you and it’s good she can talk to her dad and know he’ll be reasonable.

If you carry on making a fuss about stuff like this she won’t tell you anything!