Dad allowed daughter to pierce her nose without my knowledge.

But you are being controlling. How do you know that she didn't research where she was going to get it done?

She is a very mature woman with a mind of her own and is confident and capable.
So let her be one

YANBU to feel the way you do. I didn't like it when my daughter got her nose pierced.

YABU to make a fuss about it. She anticipated you would be that way which is why she didn't tell you.

Try and forget about it and move on. I got used to my dd's piercing and hardly notice it now.

My 17 year old phoned me a while ago to tell me she’d just got a piercing, no drama? She’s old enough to drive, and do allsorts, and basically an adult now. She might ask what I think of certain things and I’ll give my honest opinion and any pros/cons I can see, but then it’s up to her and she knows it. She makes generally good mature decisions. She’s allowed to also make her own mistakes and learn from them. I get the feeling you’re maybe a bit overbearing, if they both felt the need to keep it from you.

@ByGladCat you really need to look at yourself and why they both felt they couldn’t tell you.
She is far to old to be told she isn’t allowed the piercing .

17 is fine. Also, in some cultures it is absolutely normal for girls to have their nose pierced, just like their ears. It wouldn't bother me at all. Why do you care so much? She is nearly an adult!

There's no legal minimum age for piercings, most piercers won't peirce under 16's without an adult present, but at 17 she can absolutely choose to have a piercing in her own nose without needing anyone's consent.

I'd be upset too, but at 17 she's nearly old enough to go without an adult. Personally I think nose piercings rarely suit anyone, and the fashion for nose rings and septum piercings is worring, I struggle to look at people who have a ring through their nostrils. It makes me squeamish. As a clinician I've seen hundreds of piercings infected or torn because they've been badly done, or allergic reactions to metals. Sometimes the wound won't heal or leaves ugly keloid scars.

But as parents we can only educate our children about the downsides, raise them to feel confident about their looks, and able to express themselves in ways that don't involve putting needles through their faces. Then it's up to them to choose.

Most of my friends had their noses pierced in their teens or 20s, some had eyebrows pierced, but none kept their piercings longer than a decade, if that comforts you

Re the Army - You can remove a nose piecing for anything active and put it back in on your time off.

It's irrelevant whether you or the OP think piercings look nice, though, because it's not your face. If you don't like piercings, don't have any yourself. It doesn't mean you're entitled to be annoyed about anyone else having them. People don't exist to aesthetically please you.

You can have a nose piercing in the Army, yes. You just can't wear any jewellery in it while you're on duty/in uniform. A piercing is simply a hole in the flesh. A nose stud is a piece of jewellery you wear in a piercing. Just like a wedding ring is not your finger, but a piece of jewellery you wear on your finger.

@ByGladCat

You've had 5 pages of mostly intelligent and helpful responses. Have they helped you at all? Are you going to take note of the advice given?

Gosh you must be very controlling, she's 17!!! I'd have a think about whether you want her to feel she can talk to you as an equal now she is pretty much an adult.

A 17-year-old doesn't need the permission of either parent to get their nose pierced. They can walk into any piercing shop and get it done any time they want. There's no law against piercing someone's nose when they're under 18, and most piercers won't require parental permission to pierce someone of 16 or over.

Her dad didn't need to 'allow' her and you need to accept that you can't do anything about this.

It's her face and she is old enough to make that decision. It's not like a piercing is permanent. She can always take it out if she gets sick of it.

But most importantly, it's her decision and not for either parent to approve or disapprove of.

She’s happy to talk about things with her dad over you. Think about the reasons for that.

As for the piercing she’s entitled to do whatever she wants with her own body

Fgs let it go. Surely you want her to be able to come to you with anything in the future? Getting her up about a tiny piercing is not the way.

I got a tattoo at 16 🙈

This reaction is just going to push her away from you. She won’t trust you with other (much bigger) issues as she matures.

My parents gave me freedom with piercings and hair cuts/colours from being 14 - stating it is my body and my hair so my choice. I now only have my ears pierced and have very normal long brown hair. I was allowed the freedom and got it out of my system at a young age.

You need to get over this one.

Really it doesn't matter whether or not you like it because it's not your face, and I presume your husband didn't tell you because he knew you'd get upset about it when it's not up to you.

If she had to have parental permission and he didn't tell you, I could see being annoyed, but she didn't - so he just didn't tell you so you couldn't try and talk her out of doing something she wanted and was perfectly entitled to do whether or not you liked it.

The nose piercing isn’t an issue at all. I also think it’s good she confided in dad and he didn’t betray her trust. Bodes well for her and their relationship in the future.

The only thing you should be concerned about (IMO) is the fact that your DD doesn’t feel comfortable sharing things with you and is hiding things. She was right to do so too, wasn’t she? Your OP pretty much confirms it.

Thats what I’d work on.

Honestly I feel a bit sad for your daughter that she felt that she had to hide getting it done and that she felt her mother would not respect a decision she made about her body.

I had my nose pierced at the same time as my two daughters! Absolutely love it. It’s really no big deal, I would say 50% of their friends have pierced noses.

I clicked into this thread assuming it would be a young teen! Once they are 16, most piercings can be done without parental consent. My oldest daughter has had multiple piercings since she turned 16, and half a dozen tatoos since turning 18. Do I like them all? No. Is it anything to do with me? Also no.
If you make an issue over something as innocuous as a nose piercing, will she come tou you about the big stuff?

I seriously thought you were going to say she's 13! At 17, this is not an issue!!

They didn't tell you because you would more than likely cause a fuss about it so her dad knew for a quiet life least she said to a parent,

I dont like nose piercings. But I also dont like Mary Jane shoes, off the shoulder dresses or Breton tops. None of what I just said matters to anyone but me, and it’s the same re your daughter and her nose piercings. She’s entitled to like what she likes and do what she wants with her own body.