Page 3 | Behaviour issues Fortnite

NiftyShaker · 2025-04-03T19:44:58+00:00

Son plays a lot of Fortnite and behaviour around that time is awful. It’s either fights with friends, or sad he has to come off it. On the evenings he plays, we know there will be an issue afterwards and it’s very draining for everyone, including him I’m sure. We also have general behaviour issues and meltdowns, more than the average boy his age. He has gotten better during the game, letting more things go etc. He already has limited time on it compared to his friends. He gets to play every other day and comes off at 7 to wind down. Most of his other friends play whenever they want, until late in the evening past his bedtime. We are considering reducing his gameplay to once a week because these meltdowns really do take over the evening and we’ve had enough, and it’s clear this is not a healthy game for young boys to play. The issue is that all these friends chat online through mics when they are playing, so we are worried about isolating him from friends by reducing his gameplay time so drastically. AIBU? Has anyone else experienced similar and have advice of what worked for them?

SJM1988 · 04/04/2025 12:08

NiftyShaker · 04/04/2025 11:34

So to the person who said he may physically attack me when he’s older - this will never happen. He may have an attitude and be shouty/grumpy but he would never attack me. He is a very kind boy at heart. I’m surprised no one has mentioned the hormonal issues that come in at this age, a lot of the boys struggling to control their emotions and temper etc

I’m probably going to completely out myself here but we have a baby, so I can’t always go in 20 mins, 10 mins, 5 mins before if I’m feeding to or tending to the baby. This is why things have become more relaxed and we have to limit to 2 clubs per week. My partner isn’t home until late so it is me dealing with both the kids from the time they wake up until they go to bed so I can’t always attend to things immediately.

Of course it would be ideal to always have him be out and active but that’s not possible now, so he gets more screen time.

I do try and involve him more with what I need to do say you can help me make dinner, feed the baby, walk the dog, if I’m feeding the baby I suggest we watch a show together but a lot of the time it’s an argument and he doesn’t want to. He’s got to that age where he’d rather play with friends than he with me. I do think I will force this more though. Now it’s warmer we can go to the park go for walks more together.

He has play dates usually 3 or 4 a month, but they all always want to play Fortnite. It’s the thing they all love.

We held off getting Fortnite a year longer than his friends, and he was made fun of. We also have repeatedly banned him from it for a few days or weeks at a time and he gets fun of because they all become better at it as they are on it more

Once banned his behaviour improves (but is this just because he is trying to get it back?) so we agree he can go back on and the cycle repeats. We haven’t done a ban longer than a few days for a while though so I think this is worth trying.

We will try the long ban (3+ weeks)

When he’s back on we will drastically reduce the time he’s on it and be stricter with behaviour

If that doesn’t work the last option is delete the game for good.

We also think we should get him a different game to play such as FIFA to perhaps catch his interest.

Edited

You are right about the hormones OP! We are in the beginnings of those hormone changes and dear god those hormone swings are be brutal!!

I also wanted to add that just because you can't go out anywhere extra because of your situation doesn't mean it has to be extra screen time. It took a while after we implemented our week day screentime back but my DS will now play in the house, he reads alot too and now it is warmer he goes out into the garden to kick a ball around. It did take a few months of constant 'I'm bored' conversations though.

If he's friends make fun of him over not having something or not as much time, I would be inclined to move him away from those friends anyway. They arent really friends if they are doing that.

Original poster

NiftyShaker · 04/04/2025 12:07

Not sure I agree with this

I enjoyed playing computer/console games when I was in primary and young secondary school a lot and it wasn’t poor parenting at all, just something I enjoyed

OP posts:

Contentment1628 · 04/04/2025 12:04

Gaming is invariably the result of poor parenting. You can pretend otherwise if it makes you feel better but that’s the truth.

There is so much more to life than sitting playing online games for hours on end.

Original poster

NiftyShaker · 04/04/2025 11:59

EmeraldShamrock000 - This is an unfair response.

Unless you’ve been in the same situation, you can’t say what I do or don’t have time for.

I work, I take my older child to 2 after school clubs, have play dates for him every week, and we get out every day to walk the dog and he can bike scoot whatever

On top of the baby, my work, my studying, exercising myself a couple of times a week and keeping the house going and keeping everyone alive clean and fed I have not got any extra time left. If you have lots of spare time for you, that’s wonderful, but I’m stretched thin and doing my best.

OP posts:

EmeraldShamrock000 · 04/04/2025 11:53

You need to get him involved in an outside activity, having a young baby isn't an excuse for extra gaming and not having time.

I'd rather not stand in a muddy field 3 times a week, however it is important.

3/4 play-dates gaming a month won't help build up social skills.

4timesthefun · 04/04/2025 11:53

Sounds like a good approach for the minute - I think a PP made an excellent point when they said the kids who have been allowed to sit on Fortnite for hours each day from 7 years old are probably NOT the friends you would ideally like for your son in 3 years time. They are almost certainly going to be the kids with very loose parenting, and their path is likely to be a lot less positive. If you need to remove it when life settles, he will make new friends if needed. My 13yr old DS has managed to keep friends, even though we are strict around screens. He went to high school and his new best friend isn’t even allowed a dumb phone, so I think in some circles, reduced tech is catching on!

Original poster

NiftyShaker · 04/04/2025 11:39

Me and my partner have agreed that if doing the steps above and him eventually not being allowed back on does cause issues in his friendships, then he may move on and make other friends and that may be hard at the time but ultimately is what’s best for him at the moment

OP posts:

Original poster

NiftyShaker · 04/04/2025 11:34

So to the person who said he may physically attack me when he’s older - this will never happen. He may have an attitude and be shouty/grumpy but he would never attack me. He is a very kind boy at heart. I’m surprised no one has mentioned the hormonal issues that come in at this age, a lot of the boys struggling to control their emotions and temper etc

I’m probably going to completely out myself here but we have a baby, so I can’t always go in 20 mins, 10 mins, 5 mins before if I’m feeding to or tending to the baby. This is why things have become more relaxed and we have to limit to 2 clubs per week. My partner isn’t home until late so it is me dealing with both the kids from the time they wake up until they go to bed so I can’t always attend to things immediately.

Of course it would be ideal to always have him be out and active but that’s not possible now, so he gets more screen time.

I do try and involve him more with what I need to do say you can help me make dinner, feed the baby, walk the dog, if I’m feeding the baby I suggest we watch a show together but a lot of the time it’s an argument and he doesn’t want to. He’s got to that age where he’d rather play with friends than he with me. I do think I will force this more though. Now it’s warmer we can go to the park go for walks more together.

He has play dates usually 3 or 4 a month, but they all always want to play Fortnite. It’s the thing they all love.

We held off getting Fortnite a year longer than his friends, and he was made fun of. We also have repeatedly banned him from it for a few days or weeks at a time and he gets fun of because they all become better at it as they are on it more

Once banned his behaviour improves (but is this just because he is trying to get it back?) so we agree he can go back on and the cycle repeats. We haven’t done a ban longer than a few days for a while though so I think this is worth trying.

We will try the long ban (3+ weeks)

When he’s back on we will drastically reduce the time he’s on it and be stricter with behaviour

If that doesn’t work the last option is delete the game for good.

We also think we should get him a different game to play such as FIFA to perhaps catch his interest.

OP posts:

Scrubbingblinds · 04/04/2025 11:34

That is an important point. These are the DC without boundaries. In a few years, they will be the ones out until midnight causing a nuisance. Then they be allowed to drink at their friends houses as teens etc. At what point do you step in as a parent and say, I don't care what so and sos parent allows, these are the boundaries for us.

RedToothBrush · 04/04/2025 11:28

Thesonofaphesantplucker · 04/04/2025 10:42

I see I did miss out an important part which was, all his friends do play it, and do talk about it. But this has led to increasingly difficult behaviour between some of the boys who are playing it, at school. They are picking on, and excluding people who are playing it ‘badly’.

My DS, isn’t being picked on, or isolated at all.

What I’m trying to say is, that far from being excluded for not playing it, my child is NOT being excluded. But children who are, are being isolated for not playing it well (however that is interpreted).

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The other thing here that no one has said is that a) these kids are bullying if they pick on the 9 year old. And at 9 there's a certain amount you can do about bullying b) these are kids who are not pleasant and don't have appropriate parental boundaries

So why do you want your 9 year old to be friends with them?!

These are perhaps kids who aren't the best fit as friends. If your son ends up not being mates with them in the long run, it's not necessarily a bad thing.

But doing stuff that's bad for your kid and bad for your family, just so they fit in? Hello? Can you not see the problem, with this?

Hoppinggreen · 04/04/2025 10:49

Its too much at 9
Fortnite can be a good way to connect with friends but I don't think 9 is the age to be using Fortnite to do that
My DS was 11 I think when he started using it but we limited it to weekends and maybe 1 hour during the week, he could be very hyper after playing and it affected his behaviour. He got 1 warning and if the behaviour continued it was a 1 weeks ban.
We also monitored very carefully who he was online with

Scrubbingblinds · 04/04/2025 10:46

Thesonofaphesantplucker · 04/04/2025 10:42

I see I did miss out an important part which was, all his friends do play it, and do talk about it. But this has led to increasingly difficult behaviour between some of the boys who are playing it, at school. They are picking on, and excluding people who are playing it ‘badly’.

My DS, isn’t being picked on, or isolated at all.

What I’m trying to say is, that far from being excluded for not playing it, my child is NOT being excluded. But children who are, are being isolated for not playing it well (however that is interpreted).

Show quote history

I believe this can be the issue with WhatsApp too. Parents think it is safe as it is just a messaging app. But children create groups and add other children in to bully them. Children aren't mature enough to navigate the internet safely IMO and need the time away from friends to process their school interactions, home should be their safe place and escape from this rather than further peer pressure. Let them be kids!

ThriveIn2025 · 04/04/2025 10:44

My DC also don’t have a games console. I’ve told them I’m too lazy to police it 😆 same reasons they don’t have smart phones. Can’t argue with that.

3 hours a day for a 9 yr old is too much on a device, regardless of what they are using it for. Tbh I’d implement a ban over Easter and then never re-allow it.

Thesonofaphesantplucker · 04/04/2025 10:42

Palmolivesoap · 04/04/2025 09:40

I think it's a little disingenuous to dismiss the ops concerns about completely banning it affecting his friendships by comparing to our own same age children.
My son is basically the same age and has also never played Fortnite but none of his friends do they are all obsessed with football instead. If I was to ban football I can see how it would affect his friendships.

If all his friends are talking about it he'll start to feel left out. Although I'm sure someone will point out "what if they were all talking about heroin" so I'm not sure what my point is, I guess I just think it's disingenuous to dismiss the friendship concerns, what groups of children are interested in can vary from school to school so our own kids are irrelevant

Show quote history

I see I did miss out an important part which was, all his friends do play it, and do talk about it. But this has led to increasingly difficult behaviour between some of the boys who are playing it, at school. They are picking on, and excluding people who are playing it ‘badly’.

My DS, isn’t being picked on, or isolated at all.

What I’m trying to say is, that far from being excluded for not playing it, my child is NOT being excluded. But children who are, are being isolated for not playing it well (however that is interpreted).

tonyhawks23 · 04/04/2025 10:36

We've always said no Fortnite,it's completely different to Minecraft or other creative games.DS may miss out on playing with friends but they just play other things instead.i would definitely take off Fortnite,friends may follow,there's so much better games to spend time on that don't cause behaviour issues.

AlmosttimeforChristmas · 04/04/2025 10:36

My 10 year old doesn’t have a games console. It’s completely unnecessary. He also has lots of friends! You will not ruin his friendships if you take it away. That said, if you want himto still feel part of this then maybe once a week just so he doesn’t feel left out. I wouldn’t go more than this

WhereIsMyJumper · 04/04/2025 10:33

I just cannot imagine why anyone would allow their kids to play anything that is known for being addictive! Get him playing outside FFS

Scrubbingblinds · 04/04/2025 10:26

I wouldn't allow a 9 year old to play fortnight. My DS is 8, they don't need to be connected to their friends 24/7. We go to the park after school, do clubs, sometimes do play dates. The rest of the time he does homework, plays in the garden, watches age appropriate TV. He has a switch that he will sometimes play FIFA or car racing games on, and a tablet. I really don't believe the majority of his class have access to online gaming.

RedToothBrush · 04/04/2025 10:21

WeNeverGoOutOfStyle · 03/04/2025 23:12

Those saying a 9 year old shouldn’t be playing Fortnite are so out of touch.

DS is ten.

He's not allowed Fortnite.

Far too many issues with behaviour.

The end.

I'm not interested in 'being in touch'. I'm interested in parenting and good behaviour.

EmeraldShamrock000 · 04/04/2025 10:20

Talk to him, explain how addictive this fortnite game is, he'll recognise that it has changed him, it is not his fault, it has happened to 1000s of other children, he'll see the game is not all that.
It is designed to escalate moods quickly.

Newdress93 · 04/04/2025 10:15

this thread is so judgy! dont worry OP you are not damaging your child. were children never naughty pre - screens? back in the day kids were outdoors playing alot more with friends from age 5 (i have some older family members who were out playing from 3 years old!) , you just can't do that anymore. times change!

FWIW my son is 7, he started playing fortnite a few months ago and plays with a handful of friends/cousins. he understands that if he is naughty/doesn't focus in school then he won't be allowed it. you have to follow through with this so he knows the consequences are real. ie my son has lost fortnite for a couple of times.

its ideal to get a balance of letting them on it but also, the games are designed to be addictive, so the kids NEED limits. i tend to let my son on after school until tea time (6.30) then its family time until bed. so he probably plays around 2 hours a day. he does have other games on the playstation too, and will flick between each games.

re arguments tantrums about coming off, i have always (and same with leaving park etc) done a countdown, ie 20 mins left, 10 mins left etc. sometimes on fortnite the games are long/short so it also is fair to say - make this your last game, instead of saying right get off in the middle of a game, if you see what i mean.

EmeraldShamrock000 · 04/04/2025 10:14

Has he other interests.
DS has FB training twice a week, match the weekend and lego club.
He won't play games on training days, he doesn't really like football but has met many new friends, he gets him out.
You need a distraction.

Bigblubird · 04/04/2025 10:09

I think you need to go cold turkey with it - playing Fortnite is damaging your son, he needs to stop. He's addicted, so going from 3 hours a day to 30mins isn't likely to solve the problem.

You need to replace gaming with something else - sport, Scouts etc, and family activities swimming, cinema, park, cooking etc. You could invite his friends along to some activities, so that playing Fortnite isn't the only thing they have in common.

I think you need to be willing to be bad cop here - you're the parent, you can shut this down.

LeaderBee · 04/04/2025 10:08

Perhaps Minecraft would be a bit more sedantry and more his pace? he still gets the social aspect of gaming through it but it isn't a highly charged competitive game that's going to get him hyped up during/after playing.

EmeraldShamrock000 · 04/04/2025 10:07

Is Roblox the one aimed at kids but is also full of grown noncey men with a chat feature that allows them to talk to the kids? I think there's quite a few games like that.
I don't think there is any child interest that doesn't attract noncey men. Internet safety is important. DS plays on a private server with RL friends.
He is aware of predators online, he'd never share personal information.
Roblux also has tight restrictions mods on what you can chat about, any personal information request is deleted immediately.