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AIBU?

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OH double booking himself

90 replies

CupOfTeaTwoSugars · 03/04/2025 20:20

Name change for this, as know some people on here.
AIBU to be upset with OH?

Back in October I booked tickets to a gig. It’s not my OH’s type of music but it’s not far off, I asked him if he would go with me and he said he would. The gig is at the end of this month.
I was making other plans for the Friday of that weekend, and reminded him about the gig on the Saturday saying it’ll be a busy weekend. He said that he’s doing something else on the Saturday, so he can’t go with me to the gig.
it’s really upset me, possibly more than is reasonable. I’ve asked other people if they want to come, but everyone is busy. I don’t want to go in my own.

The gig is in the joint calendar, his other plans are with his Mum for a booked and paid for event. He asked me about this date when his mum suggested it. I reminded him about the gig. (He’s now saying I didn’t) He said that the event is often in the afternoon, I said if it’s in the afternoon that should be fine, as he can do both. It’s not in the afternoon, it’s at the same time as the gig, but it’s now booked.

This is an unusual occurrence.
i can’t see a solution, and I’ve been upset about it for a few days now. I have been crying about it, which is not like me. We’ve discussed it today, he says it’s a miscommunication, which it is, but it’s one that’s really upset me. I should probably put my big girl boots on and go by myself, but I wouldn’t have bought a ticket to go by myself, I would have just forgotten about the gig. He says I’ve made him sad because I haven’t been talking to him for a few days. I haven’t been able to because I keep crying.

AIBU?
How do I move past this?

OP posts:
FieldInWhichFucksAreGrownIsBarren · 03/04/2025 21:11

His attitude stinks and he can fuck off with his feeling sad.
No it isn't a 'miscommunication', it's him telling you, very clearly, that you are not a priority to him and he is more than happy to cancel plans with you to do as he pleases.
Question is are you going to simply accept this? I know I wouldn't.

Blackcountrychik83 · 03/04/2025 20:58

This isn’t about this gig at all .. this is about how you don’t feel like a priority to him . That’s why you’re upset .
I would feel exactly the same and he should have offered to cancel with his Mum without you even asking him …

I don’t think I could move past that . Nothing to do with the gig at all but the message behind it .

Iloveacurry · 03/04/2025 20:53

He committed to the gig first, why is he not rescheduling his mum?

londongirl12 · 03/04/2025 20:53

Not sure how it’s a miscommunication, as it’s not. He knew the date of the gig. He just didn’t want to go so when this other event came up, he jumped at the chance. And now he’s making you feel guilty!!!

BallerinaRadio · 03/04/2025 20:53

If you've been not talking to him and crying for days over this there are clearly other issues in play here

Chezxx · 03/04/2025 20:52

I would be very very unhappy with his attitude towards you and this.

He needs to sort it out with his mother.
I actually wouldn't move on from this.

He is inconsiderate and disrespectful.
I have no wish to suck it up and move on.

I wouldn't tolerate being treated like this.

MissHollysDolly · 03/04/2025 20:50

He’s been inconsiderate. With that said if you drag him along now it’ll be a rubbish evening for both of you. Not sure it’s worth crying over though?

PullTheBricksDown · 03/04/2025 20:49

He says I’ve made him sad because I haven’t been talking to him for a few days. I haven’t been able to because I keep crying.

Message to say that he's made you sad because he forgot he'd said he'd go to the gig with you, and because he has lied about you not reminding him when you did.

BlueMum16 · 03/04/2025 20:48

Agree with all PP. This is his problem to rearrange his mum.

Don't give him the silent treatment or sulk. Just ask him calmly and clearly to make other arrangements to put you and your gig first as it was the first arrangement.

If he doesn't I think you need to consider your relationship as you clearly are not a priority.

BendingSpoons · 03/04/2025 20:48

He agreed to go
He forgot
You reminded him
He made other plans anyway
You reminded him again
He assumed the plans with his mum were more important

It's understandable you are upset. His behaviour suggests he considered the plans with you to be unimportant.

TomatoSandwiches · 03/04/2025 20:47

He booked with you first, he needs to cancel the event with his mother.

Blueberry911 · 03/04/2025 20:45

I'm not sure what you're asking.

Of course he's been unreasonable, he made a commitment with you and he's now chosen to do something else instead. You know this is unreasonable and it's upset you.

LightCameraBitchSmile · 03/04/2025 20:43

He goes with you - the gig is also a booked and paid for event and was organised first.

but don’t ignore him - silent treatment isn’t ok.

FlippyKiYayFlippyFlipper · 03/04/2025 20:38

If he made the commitment to you first he needs to rearrange with his mum. why didn’t he check the calendar. I’d be upset too OP. Are there other issues making you feel like he doesn’t put you first?

SpringleDingle · 03/04/2025 20:27

Maybe you shouldn’t. How long have you been seeing him? Not sure I’d get past him
blowing me off for another engagement made after he promised to go out with me.

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