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Original poster

To not attend my friend’s baby shower?

112 replies

changernam · 03/04/2025 19:51

A good friend of mine’s baby shower is coming up, I’d accepted the invitation a while ago but she’s just sent the details through with a P.S ‘adults only’. I assumed this to mean toddlers/older children as she’s obviously aware I have a newborn baby. She followed it up with a message to say she’d understand if I couldn’t make it because of the baby.

My DD is 6 weeks old (will be 7 weeks at the time) & exclusively breastfed. The venue is 1.5 hours by train or car. I’d love to go but worried as I’ve not left her for that long

OP posts:
Coali · 03/04/2025 20:14

Why are people so dramatic!! I’m sure your friend will not be full of regret years down the line. I have never heard of a baby shower with children invited. It sort of defeats the whole object of a last party before she has a child. She’s obviously thought of you having to travel for over 3hrs with a newborn (which doesn’t sound like something you’d want to do anyway), and has given you a get out for it.

I didn’t attend any of my friends baby showers because I don’t like them! There was no drama, nobody regretted anything. I’m not sure even an eyelid was batted.

Just say you can’t go, and catch up with her later, no need for a fanfare.

BlondeMummyto1 · 03/04/2025 20:14

I wouldn’t even consider going.

I think she’s wrong for excluding a newborn. Any other decent mum would understand and assume the baby would be coming with you.

Does she not want the shine taken off her or something?

mummyh2016 · 03/04/2025 20:08

It depends where the baby shower is - if it’s a bar type place it may be them saying no under 18s.
I disagree with some of the PP. IMO she isn’t making it so you can’t go but I seem to be in the minority that I was happy to leave mine with their dad for a couple of hours (not insinuating you are wrong not to want to leave your baby btw, we’re all different plus I was FF by then).
If the venue is 1.5 hours away it’s a 3 hour round trip, I wouldn’t want to be doing that with a baby anyway.
YANBU to go and she’s said she understands if you can’t, it’s a non issue in the grand scheme of things.

TheLightSideOfTheMoon · 03/04/2025 20:00

In six months she’ll be cringing SO HARD.

Comedycook · 03/04/2025 20:00

Don't go...it's not very kind of her to say you can't bring your baby

Livelaughlurgy · 03/04/2025 19:58

She's telling you it's more important that the baby isn't there than you are there.

ATuinTheGreat · 03/04/2025 19:58

Definitely don’t go - it will be a massive faff for you.

In my opinion, she obviously doesn’t actually want you to go - she’s put a rule in place that makes it difficult for you and then immediately said it’s ok if you can’t go.

My guess is that her baby shower is obviously all about her and her soon-to-arrive baby, and somebody else’s beautiful newborn will detract from that too much.

Newname2025123 · 03/04/2025 19:56

Totally fine not to go (and your friend has already said it’s fine). You can always celebrate with your friend another time or pop round with a gift after the baby is born.

sandrapinchedmysandwich · 03/04/2025 19:54

AgathaMystery · 03/04/2025 19:52

YANBU.

I’d send a card, no gift and invite her for a child free lunch at yours when her baby is 6 weeks old.

She will have deep regret in a few months.

This. She will feel like a total dick in a few weeks

crockofshite · 03/04/2025 19:54

changernam · 03/04/2025 19:51

A good friend of mine’s baby shower is coming up, I’d accepted the invitation a while ago but she’s just sent the details through with a P.S ‘adults only’. I assumed this to mean toddlers/older children as she’s obviously aware I have a newborn baby. She followed it up with a message to say she’d understand if I couldn’t make it because of the baby.

My DD is 6 weeks old (will be 7 weeks at the time) & exclusively breastfed. The venue is 1.5 hours by train or car. I’d love to go but worried as I’ve not left her for that long

You'll find this happening a lot now you have a child. You'll no longer be welcome at child free events, friendships will change etc

DappledThings · 03/04/2025 19:54

I wouldn't even consider going. And I wouldn't feel guilty for a nanosecond.

AgathaMystery · 03/04/2025 19:52

YANBU.

I’d send a card, no gift and invite her for a child free lunch at yours when her baby is 6 weeks old.

She will have deep regret in a few months.