Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not attend my friend’s baby shower?

112 replies

changernam · 03/04/2025 19:51

A good friend of mine’s baby shower is coming up, I’d accepted the invitation a while ago but she’s just sent the details through with a P.S ‘adults only’. I assumed this to mean toddlers/older children as she’s obviously aware I have a newborn baby. She followed it up with a message to say she’d understand if I couldn’t make it because of the baby.

My DD is 6 weeks old (will be 7 weeks at the time) & exclusively breastfed. The venue is 1.5 hours by train or car. I’d love to go but worried as I’ve not left her for that long

OP posts:
Annonymiss123 · 03/04/2025 20:48

Does she not want the shine taken off her or something?

This was actually the first thing I thought of too.

Thewhywhybird · 03/04/2025 20:46

I would decline if you're not comfortable leaving your baby for that long. It is strange to exclude an actual baby from a baby shower. You have nothing to feel guilty about , you went to her gender reveal.

Cosyblankets · 03/04/2025 20:46

AgathaMystery · 03/04/2025 19:52

YANBU.

I’d send a card, no gift and invite her for a child free lunch at yours when her baby is 6 weeks old.

She will have deep regret in a few months.

If i was not going it would not occur to me to send a card or a gift.
I would just get something when the baby is born.

arcticpandas · 03/04/2025 20:44

changernam · 03/04/2025 20:27

I feel a little guilty not attending as she’d made the effort to attend mine but I had men & children Grin

Don't feel guilty. I can understand child free outings but a fucking babyshower. And to ban a 6 week old who only sleeps and eats unless he's extremely advanced running around the tables screaming 😄 shouldn't bother anyone. But she wants the focus to be on her, not for everyone to admire your baby. I wouldn't even like to have a friend like this tbh.

Babycatsarenice · 03/04/2025 20:43

Don't go this is ridiculous on her part.

Xmasbaby11 · 03/04/2025 20:42

I wouldn’t consider going and I wouldn’t feel guilty either.

PyongyangKipperbang · 03/04/2025 20:39

ATuinTheGreat · 03/04/2025 19:58

Definitely don’t go - it will be a massive faff for you.

In my opinion, she obviously doesn’t actually want you to go - she’s put a rule in place that makes it difficult for you and then immediately said it’s ok if you can’t go.

My guess is that her baby shower is obviously all about her and her soon-to-arrive baby, and somebody else’s beautiful newborn will detract from that too much.

My money is on this.

Elboob · 03/04/2025 20:39

AgathaMystery · 03/04/2025 19:52

YANBU.

I’d send a card, no gift and invite her for a child free lunch at yours when her baby is 6 weeks old.

She will have deep regret in a few months.

Absolutely 100% this! With bells.

HereintheloveofChristIstand · 03/04/2025 20:34

Perfect excuse not to go
Baby showers are attention seeking American imported nonsense

(no offense if you are American of course)

DelphiniumBlue · 03/04/2025 20:32

What kind of person tells a "good" friend that they can't bring a newborn baby to a baby shower??
It would be one thing if she said that an evening event in a night club didn't allow babies, but of all the events not to welcome a baby...

Allhatnocattle · 03/04/2025 20:31

Send a gift and meet up with her some other time if you want. I doubt she will feel guilty months from now it’s not a slight against op, no need for angst, just the way they’ve decided to do this party for whatever reason, if they had kids at the other celebration maybe she just wants a more peaceful one for this.

Zanatdy · 03/04/2025 20:28

I wouldn’t go. She has already said she understands if you can’t make it. She made yours but you didn’t have restrictions.

DappledThings · 03/04/2025 20:28

I attended her gender reveal
She's had a gender reveal and she's having a baby shower too? Stop indulging this shit and don't feel guilty. It's ridiculous.

Allswellthatendswelll · 03/04/2025 20:28

Are you sure she doesn't mean because of the baby as in because baby is so young it would be a long way for you to bring it/ might be too much post partumn etc?

Otherwise she's obviously pretty obtuse to think you can leave a baby that young behind!

Yellowhammer09 · 03/04/2025 20:27

There's a difference between "no children" and "you can't bring an EBF newborn". I'd not consider going, tbh.

I second the idea of inviting her to lunch when her baby is 6 weeks old Grin

Original poster
changernam · 03/04/2025 20:27

I feel a little guilty not attending as she’d made the effort to attend mine but I had men & children Grin

OP posts:
Mistunza · 03/04/2025 20:27

Definitely, just decline. Easy.

She might even apologise to you in a few months.

Original poster
changernam · 03/04/2025 20:25

@mummyh2016the baby shower is in a hall & is at noon.

I don’t expect it’ll be a piss up Grin

I attended her gender reveal (at 36 weeks pregnant) also which was held at home and lots of family’s children in attendance so was a bit surprised that this invitation stated no children.

OP posts:
cornflourblue · 03/04/2025 20:22

AgathaMystery · 03/04/2025 19:52

YANBU.

I’d send a card, no gift and invite her for a child free lunch at yours when her baby is 6 weeks old.

She will have deep regret in a few months.

Yeah this.

LlynTegid · 03/04/2025 20:21

The only thing you have done wrong in my opinion is to accept the invitation to begin with. Politely declining now is at least the best option left.

Iwannakeepondancing · 03/04/2025 20:21

I get a baby shower at a venue without lots of kids but a new born baby is different! It’s a baby shower ffs… celebrating a new baby! She’s mad! Don’t go!

Waymarked7 · 03/04/2025 20:20

She probably doesn't want the focus taking off her.

Don't go, don't feel guilty and do something nice for yourself instead.

If she really wanted you there, she would be happy for baby to come too.

justasking111 · 03/04/2025 20:17

I remember a baby shower adults only. A bottomless brunch at a very nice restaurant. When everyone got there they discovered the mother to be had banned all alcohol because of her condition. That didn't go down well😁

BlondeMummyto1 · 03/04/2025 20:17

There were tons of kids at the baby shower I went to recently.
Shock… There was even men.

It’s a fun and relaxed way to celebrate a new baby.

Strawberrycheesecake7 · 03/04/2025 20:16

I was allowed to bring my 11 month old to a baby shower that was otherwise child free because I was still breastfeeding. I didn’t even ask to bring him they told me at the start he was invited because they didn’t want to make things difficult for me. It’s completely unreasonable in my opinion that she won’t allow you to bring your exclusively breastfed 6 week old. I would be hurt and seriously rethinking the friendship. As others have said she will see how ridiculous she’s being when she has her own newborn.