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Original poster

To not attend my friend’s baby shower?

112 replies

changernam · 03/04/2025 19:51

A good friend of mine’s baby shower is coming up, I’d accepted the invitation a while ago but she’s just sent the details through with a P.S ‘adults only’. I assumed this to mean toddlers/older children as she’s obviously aware I have a newborn baby. She followed it up with a message to say she’d understand if I couldn’t make it because of the baby.

My DD is 6 weeks old (will be 7 weeks at the time) & exclusively breastfed. The venue is 1.5 hours by train or car. I’d love to go but worried as I’ve not left her for that long

OP posts:
feelingalittlehorse · 13/04/2025 13:08

I think you are making a storm in a teacup here. She’s literally said that she understands if you can’t attend because of your young baby. That’s fine, no drama. Lots of people cannot attend lots of events for many reasons. She isn’t singling you out- no children are invited, babies or otherwise 🤷🏽‍♀️

Just politely decline, send a card once baby arrives as you would have done and all is good.

Original poster
changernam · 13/04/2025 12:43

OriginalUsername2 · 13/04/2025 12:17

Sounds like she doesn’t want everyone cooing over your new baby. They have to coo over her 😆

I think you’ve hit the nail on the head. I expressed my apologies for not attending but I think I’ll back away from this friendship now!

OP posts:
OriginalUsername2 · 13/04/2025 12:17

Sounds like she doesn’t want everyone cooing over your new baby. They have to coo over her 😆

Original poster
changernam · 13/04/2025 12:14

Allswellthatendswelll · 03/04/2025 20:28

Are you sure she doesn't mean because of the baby as in because baby is so young it would be a long way for you to bring it/ might be too much post partumn etc?

Otherwise she's obviously pretty obtuse to think you can leave a baby that young behind!

I had considered this but it was pretty clear once I’d declined as I was unable to bring the newborn that she had meant no children at all.

thank you all

OP posts:
Strangecat · 04/04/2025 00:13

This is actually hurtful! Your NB is part of you which she is rejecting!
I would definitely decline with no guilt whatsoever!!

PyongyangKipperbang · 03/04/2025 23:47

crumblingschools · 03/04/2025 23:12

How many present grabbing things can mother to be do?

Oh there will be a "welcome baby" thing, then a christening, then the first birthday.....it wont ever end. People this self obsessed, fuelled by SM, never stop there will always be something.

RampantIvy · 03/04/2025 23:35

A gender reveal and a baby shower?

She sounds quite self obsessed.

"Sorry, I am unable to attend" will do.

WingingItSince1973 · 03/04/2025 23:27

I was asked to leave my newborn with a friend for the day to attend a relative of DH wedding which was meant to be a fancy affair but absolutely no children! The person suggesting it couldn’t understand why I wouldn’t leave me ebf newborn with a friend for the day! I doubt the friend would even have said yes. Absolutely bonkers. I didn’t feel bad at all saying no way.

WingingItSince1973 · 03/04/2025 23:19

DappledThings · 03/04/2025 20:28

I attended her gender reveal
She's had a gender reveal and she's having a baby shower too? Stop indulging this shit and don't feel guilty. It's ridiculous.

Came to say this too! Gender reveal at 36 weeks? Now baby shower? Surely that’s just weeks apart. Way too much. You attended one. Don’t feel guilty about this one xx

Endofyear · 03/04/2025 23:17

She's not much of a friend is she? She's obviously not bothered about having you there. I wouldn't go and I wouldn't feel one ounce of guilt. I think baby showers are a bit naff anyway!

AxolotlEars · 03/04/2025 23:16

That's a no from me! Send a card and small gift e.g. book

crumblingschools · 03/04/2025 23:12

How many present grabbing things can mother to be do?

Eenameenadeeka · 03/04/2025 23:07

Yeah no way I'd go, and I wouldn't feel bad about it. It's much too far away to even consider leaving baby at home, not that I'd have gone anywhere without a breastfed 7 week old anyway. In just a few weeks she will realize what she asked of you.

bellsbuss · 03/04/2025 23:04

I wonder if you have misinterpreted what she means and that you can bring your baby but she understands if you can’t come as baby is so young

GravyBoatWars · 03/04/2025 23:01

leye1 · 03/04/2025 22:51

Oh wow. Is this her first child? She obviously doesn’t realise that you can’t just leave a 7 week old baby.

She’s in for a massive shock.
She’s also going to think back to this in a few years time and feel awful.

But No. Don’t go. She’s being a dick.

It seems like she does realise that - thus the message to OP telling her not to worry if OP can't make it because of that.

It also seems like the friend just doesn't see this as some vital can't-miss event that her newly postpartum friend needs to find a way to attend. It's just a baby shower; plenty of invitees likely can't attend for one reason or another and that doesn't need to be a drama.

Beesandhoney123 · 03/04/2025 23:00

How lucky you don't have to go. She says she doesn't mind if you don't, so don't. Maybe see her when the baby is born and take a gift comparable with the one she gave you.
I read ' gender reveal party' which eoild have had me backing away from the friendship in preparation for avoiding the next 18 years of attention seeking bollocks.

PyongyangKipperbang · 03/04/2025 22:59

SunnySideDeepDown · 03/04/2025 22:55

Why would you feel guilty when she’s literally told you that she understands if you can’t go?

It’s a bit crazy she’s left it til last minute to tell you, but it’s a non-issue.

“hi friend. I hope you have a great time, unfortunately as I’m feeding newborn I can’t come solo but I hope we catch up soon!”

I would be more passive aggressive than that....

"Hi Friend! Thanks for the invite, sadly I wont be there as DD is exclusively breastfed and that means I cant leave her for extended periods. I am sure you understand why I dont want to leave her when she is so tiny and needs her mum, and if you dont then you will soon haha!! Have a great time xx"

Mumtobabyhavoc · 03/04/2025 22:58

I'm curious how many other friends with children received the nonvitation. 😂 🤔

SunnySideDeepDown · 03/04/2025 22:55

Why would you feel guilty when she’s literally told you that she understands if you can’t go?

It’s a bit crazy she’s left it til last minute to tell you, but it’s a non-issue.

“hi friend. I hope you have a great time, unfortunately as I’m feeding newborn I can’t come solo but I hope we catch up soon!”

JustSawJohnny · 03/04/2025 22:52

Yeah, I wouldn't be leaving a very young child for the sakes of a baby shower.

leye1 · 03/04/2025 22:51

Oh wow. Is this her first child? She obviously doesn’t realise that you can’t just leave a 7 week old baby.

She’s in for a massive shock.
She’s also going to think back to this in a few years time and feel awful.

But No. Don’t go. She’s being a dick.

Iwannakeepondancing · 03/04/2025 22:41

AngelinaFibres · 03/04/2025 20:58

Yes but it's celebrating HER new baby not Ops. She won't want anyone cooing over anyone but her

Show quote history

Well she’s a dick then!

GravyBoatWars · 03/04/2025 22:28

Just don't go. Don't feel guilty about it, don't try to make her feel guilty about it, don't blow up the friendship... just take a pass on this out of town event because you have a newborn and it's not baby-friendly. Life is an endless stream of things competing for our time and resources and in this case the "cost" of attending doesn't make sense for you. Your friend obviously doesn't see this as some must-attend event symbolic of your relationship that it's very hurtful for you to pass on, it's just a few hours out of a lifetime.

Whatthewhatwhatwhat · 03/04/2025 22:16

Such a dick move (for her). At the baby showers I’ve been to, women have brought along their babies. Deeply ironic to ban babies from a baby shower. Obviously don’t go!

LeopardPants · 03/04/2025 22:16

A gender reveal and a baby shower?! Dear me how OTT. Very self-indulgent. And not unreasonable at all - no reason to exclude a newborn, I wouldn’t even consider going.