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Original poster

To not attend my friend’s baby shower?

112 replies

changernam · 03/04/2025 19:51

A good friend of mine’s baby shower is coming up, I’d accepted the invitation a while ago but she’s just sent the details through with a P.S ‘adults only’. I assumed this to mean toddlers/older children as she’s obviously aware I have a newborn baby. She followed it up with a message to say she’d understand if I couldn’t make it because of the baby.

My DD is 6 weeks old (will be 7 weeks at the time) & exclusively breastfed. The venue is 1.5 hours by train or car. I’d love to go but worried as I’ve not left her for that long

OP posts:
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MimiGC · 13/04/2025 16:50

DappledThings · 03/04/2025 20:28

I attended her gender reveal
She's had a gender reveal and she's having a baby shower too? Stop indulging this shit and don't feel guilty. It's ridiculous.

This. I wouldn’t attend a “gender reveal” if you paid me.

JandamiHash · 13/04/2025 16:36

nomas · 13/04/2025 16:31

Bizarre thread. People say it’s fine to have child free weddings but this woman is being made out to be the devil incarnate for wanting a child free baby shower!

Maybe she just wants to have a laugh and some games without worrying whether a baby will start crying.

And if she lets you bring your baby, she may have to allow others.

I really doubt she will have deep regret in a few months time. Just let her enjoy her baby shower with her friends in the way she wants.

But weddings mean something. They’re a celebration of marriage. A baby shower is just a ridiculous American grabby fad.

JandamiHash · 13/04/2025 16:35

I’d be delighted to have an excuse to not attend a baby shower. Save me having to make up a lie.

nomas · 13/04/2025 16:34

changernam · 13/04/2025 12:43

I think you’ve hit the nail on the head. I expressed my apologies for not attending but I think I’ll back away from this friendship now!

Show quote history

Letting go of a good friend because she’s having a child-free baby shower which she has already said she understands you not attending is bizarre.

Goditsmemargaret · 13/04/2025 16:34

Bloody hell the drama!

Don't go.
Don't feel guilty.
Don't 'back away from the friendship' over this.

BethDuttonYeHaw · 13/04/2025 16:31

Don’t go. And remind her of her ridiculous no babies rule when her own is the same age.

nomas · 13/04/2025 16:31

Bizarre thread. People say it’s fine to have child free weddings but this woman is being made out to be the devil incarnate for wanting a child free baby shower!

Maybe she just wants to have a laugh and some games without worrying whether a baby will start crying.

And if she lets you bring your baby, she may have to allow others.

I really doubt she will have deep regret in a few months time. Just let her enjoy her baby shower with her friends in the way she wants.

FrenchandSaunders · 13/04/2025 16:31

So the gender reveal was recent? Now a baby shower. Christ I don’t get all this … mine are early 20s now.

KIlliePieMyOhMy · 13/04/2025 16:25

A gender reveal and a baby shower. How many gifts is this woman after?

butterballbrown2 · 13/04/2025 15:53

I can understand not wanting older kids there as they can run round and be disruptive but what is a 6 week old baby going to do other than sleep? If they cry you take them out, otherwise they’ll barely be noticeable. I rather think she doesn’t want you there because she wants the focus to be all about her and her baby.

You don’t mention if you actually want to go? If you do then I’m sorry that she seems to be essentially making it almost impossible for you. If you’re not fussed about it I’d take it as being completely let off the hook and feel zero guilt about it.

DancingNotDrowning · 13/04/2025 15:42

sandrapinchedmysandwich · 03/04/2025 19:54

This. She will feel like a total dick in a few weeks

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Totally this - she’ll turn herself inside out cringing at the very thought.

DappledThings · 13/04/2025 15:41

Coconutter24 · 13/04/2025 15:38

Said other problems not the current ones. Wanting a baby shower child free or any occasion is the hosts prerogative, the friend didn’t demand op turn up without the child she was understanding she couldn’t make it because of the baby

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Well the current tediousness of wanting an event a baby could easily be at and is allegedly celebrating a baby but excluding them is the current problem that speaks to a bigger problem of the women's general attitude to friendships.

Coconutter24 · 13/04/2025 15:38

DappledThings · 13/04/2025 14:47

Yeah, probably that OP has realised someone who is tedious and self-absorbed enough to have a gender reveal and a separate baby shower and is happy to exclude an old friend because she won't tolerate a small baby is someone not really worth being friends with.

Show quote history

Said other problems not the current ones. Wanting a baby shower child free or any occasion is the hosts prerogative, the friend didn’t demand op turn up without the child she was understanding she couldn’t make it because of the baby

comoatoupeira · 13/04/2025 14:53

A gender reveal AND a baby shower? Are you Americans?

ForFunGoose · 13/04/2025 14:52

She wants all the focus on her and her bump.
Let her have it but it’s a crappy decision imo

Firenzeflower · 13/04/2025 14:50

If any of my kids have a gender reveal or a baby shower I’m going to sell them.

DappledThings · 13/04/2025 14:47

Coconutter24 · 13/04/2025 14:31

There must be other problems in the friendship if you’re willing to back away from it just because she wants a child free baby shower.

Show quote history

Yeah, probably that OP has realised someone who is tedious and self-absorbed enough to have a gender reveal and a separate baby shower and is happy to exclude an old friend because she won't tolerate a small baby is someone not really worth being friends with.

Coconutter24 · 13/04/2025 14:31

changernam · 13/04/2025 12:43

I think you’ve hit the nail on the head. I expressed my apologies for not attending but I think I’ll back away from this friendship now!

Show quote history

There must be other problems in the friendship if you’re willing to back away from it just because she wants a child free baby shower.

Hastentoadd · 13/04/2025 14:03

so she had a gender reveal and now a baby shower, what utter nonsense, I personally wouldn’t go to any of them

So are you expected to take a separate present to both of these events and then give another present when the baby is born

What self indulgent rubbish

Munnygirl · 13/04/2025 13:20

changernam · 03/04/2025 20:25

@mummyh2016the baby shower is in a hall & is at noon.

I don’t expect it’ll be a piss up Grin

I attended her gender reveal (at 36 weeks pregnant) also which was held at home and lots of family’s children in attendance so was a bit surprised that this invitation stated no children.

what is it with all this gender reveal nonsense?

ackarackaru · 13/04/2025 13:20

Very odd. I understand no screaming toddlers but an EBF baby?!

KIlliePieMyOhMy · 13/04/2025 13:19

So it's an event to celebrate the soon to be arrival of a baby, and she wants no children to go.
OP stay at home, send a card maybe.

JHound · 13/04/2025 13:15

OriginalUsername2 · 13/04/2025 12:17

Sounds like she doesn’t want everyone cooing over your new baby. They have to coo over her 😆

Or maybe she just wants an adult only environment.

JHound · 13/04/2025 13:14

It seems she’s find with you not being able to attend. So just don’t attend and don’t worry about it.

thepariscrimefiles · 13/04/2025 13:11

changernam · 03/04/2025 20:27

I feel a little guilty not attending as she’d made the effort to attend mine but I had men & children Grin

Why on earth would you feel guilty? She has made it impossible for you to attend as you have a six week old baby that is exclusively breast fed.

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