my therapist ACTUALLY ghosted me

I don’t think there was anything wrong with your message and the therapist should have responded. The relationship between a therapist and client is not a standard business relationship.
I would assume they either missed the message or aren’t very professional.

There’s nothing wrong with the tone of your message but you’re not in therapy. Neither of you are collaborating or committed to the process. The therapist should have better boundaries and be creating a more consistent environment. I’m not surprised that you’ve ended up in a situation where they haven’t responded. It could be for many reasons. They’re deliberately not responding to you because they’re fed up and can’t put boundaries in. Or it’s counter-transference but neither of you will give yourself an opportunity to work it through. Either way this equals a bad therapy experience.

Therapy should be, at least, weekly. I know it’s expensive and a big commitment but anything less is a waste of your time and money. It takes a really long time to develop a therapeutic relationship. I only see clients fortnightly if I have been seeing them for a significant amount of time (at least a year). I usually do it as a response to a change in their situation - financial difficulties, scheduling issues. I make it clear that there are limitations to working fortnightly. It becomes a check in, deeper work is harder to do. But we have the foundation of having worked together for some time so we give it a go. 9 times out of 10 a client who goes fortnightly changes their mind within in a month and goes back to weekly or takes a decision to end therapy.

you’re wasting each others time here. Everyone needs a therapist with good boundaries. This therapist doesn’t have them.

From experience I can tell you if she has a Gmail address they are an absolute nightmare for putting important messages in Updates or other random folder!

I suggest sending her another message but make it clear you want to work with her again and give a suggested re-start date based on when you can afford sessions. She is running a business and needs to balance her client load. People can be hugely entitled and will often hint at wanting reduced fees or free sessions. I will signpost them to free therapy but I don't provide it!

If you've ever had any form of therapy and get a shit therapist, then you'll understand that a connection really does mean a lot.

I had a bloody doozy in my early 20s. I swear he more fucked up than me.

I don't think the message is that bad. You have therapy, hopefully the therapist knows who you are and who Peter. It's not over familiar considering the situation.

I think I just read sessions were paid for by work. Maybe she only works in that capacity.

How did your final session end?

She should do you the courtesy of replying though. Dear @Notmollybutdolly I'm very sorry but I don't see clients privately. I see those referred by yada yada. I wish you all the best.

The replies to this made me laugh a little. My poor psychiatrist years ago got all kinds of garbled emails and voicemails and he replied every time. Therapists / psychologists / psychiatrists have seen a LOT. The OP's message was very "normal" and nothing to worry about.

Maybe she forgot to reply, professionals make mistakes. Wouldn't hurt to message once more.

Yes she is running a business but a therapist is a little different to say your estate agent or bank manager. The tone of the message is fine.

OP, chase her up. I do wonder if they havent replied because although you did ask a couple of questions, you mention seeing her in a couple of months or once a month that she perhaps didn't think it urgent to reply to and has now forgotten.

Utter bollocks. A therapist needs to be able to deal with a bit of uncertainty and reply appropriately.

OP's message was fine ffs.

Hopefully the message was genuinely overlooked for some reason OP. I'd follow up with a to-the-point message saying you'd like to book in with her for an appointment on such and such a date if possible and look forward to her response to confirm. If it isn't ok with her then she should let you know this, and why. You'd expect communication to be a basic aspect of a therapist's job role.

Perhaps she felt overwhelmed by your messages and unsure if she wanted to continue counselling you.

anyone that easily overwhelmed shouldn’t be giving therapy but rather in receipt of it

Perhaps she felt overwhelmed by your messages and unsure if she wanted to continue counselling you. Therapists aren't like a close friend or your mum, who you message casually and bother with questions (like dithering over whether to have more sessions or take a break. Of course she can't answer that for you. Why even tell her you're struggling to find funds to pay for more, unless you hoped she'd reduce price or offer some free sessions?)

She's a professional so has to have boundaries. Not replying is a polite way of letting you know it's inappropriate to message her things like that. She has to keep a professional distance. Lots of clients get overly attached or clingy with therapists, or start to depend on therapist too much (like you expecting her to help you make the decision). She probably has 30+ different clients a week, so has to stick to boundaries.

It's also possible she felt harassed by your overly personal messages, and took a step away. Or maybe she was on leave. Or she couldn't hold the slot open for you any longer, so had no reason to reply.

To me, your message reads as if you are telling her you want a break from counselling, that's literally what you open with. To be honest it also sounds as if you are not particularly committed to doing the work; monthly sessions are not terribly useful as there's too long a gap in between to build on the last session. If I received this I'd probably acknowledge your difficult position, your ambivalence and perhaps suggest you get back in touch with me or someone else if/when the time is right to pick up the work properly.

I don’t know why you’re getting so much stick here OP. The tone of your message is similar to how I have contacted my therapist (privately paid for if relevant) when I’ve contacted her. I had to cancel a couple of times due to (chronic) illness hence the messages. And it sounds like it was more her that was ‘flakey’ than you were so PPs suggesting it was somehow your fault for not commiting are off the mark too.

Your question is a legitimate one. You’ve explained your finances and how this might affect your ability to attend appointments and you’ve asked for their opinion on whether this would be something they could accommodate and whether they think it would be worth it. I’m not sure what’s so bad about that.

As for contacting her again, I’d probably send one more message saying you contacted her a while ago but are unsure if she got it with not having heard from her and then reiterate what you put in your initial message. If you don’t hear anything after that then you’ll have to leave it I think.

Edited to add, in case anyone pulls me up for having to cancel..I made it clear at the outset the nature of my illness meant I couldn’t guarantee being well enough all the time and that if she wasn’t able to take me on on that basis, then I understood. I also paid on the occasions I didn’t make the appointment.

The irony that he was actually making you feel worse

well shot of him

In hindsight I would do that now but at that time I was dealing with a very difficult situation. He probably meant well but he was actually making me more anxious.

this is a conversation I always have and it’s so important - if you don’t put in the work, it’s unlikely to change much in your life and it’s a waste of your money and time. I trained for 8 years, I’m not a fluffy nice to have add on to medication, for many issues, therapeutic input is the NICE recommended first line approach. (But I always respond to my emails even if it’s to say I’m not the right person!)

Goodness I would have just not returned any messages and certainly my not turned up to sessions I didnt want to attend and had made clear

Personally I would always respond but given the attendance and your message indicating you were unsure about committing financially and the request for drop ins, I can see where it might not be prioritised for her to get back in touch. But potentially the email accidentally didn’t send back or she forgot etc etc. therapists are human too and maybe it’s nothing more than an oversight! I don’t think there’s an issue reaching out again, but I would be clear about what you want to commit to.

Sorry missed that

It’s been almost 6 weeks now.

I am just saying that he was making it difficult and I felt like I was letting him down by leaving. He didn’t literally hold me hostage but was very intense

My point is he didn’t refuse to allow you to leave

he suggested that you stay and you did

He thought I needed to work through something I was struggling with at that time but I didn’t feel it was helping. I went a few more times then said this is my last session. I wasn’t paying I got it free due to long standing anxiety.

The op hasn’t mentioned once how long ago she sent her message