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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want to hear from DH during the day?

112 replies

whitth · 03/04/2025 18:07

He isn’t a surgeon or pilot or anything, but he is away most of the day (7am - 7pm) and sometimes stays overnight. Last night he stayed over and he rang briefly but then all today I’ve heard nothing; no idea when he’s back, even if he’s back.

AIBU to feel he could send me the odd message, just to let me know he’s thinking of me?

OP posts:
Smartiepants79 · 03/04/2025 18:26

whitth · 03/04/2025 18:21

I guess because it’s hard work on my own (we have two preschoolers and that is an unintentional drip feed!) So when he’s not here I’m getting them up and sorted and to nursery myself and then the same end of the day or have them all day which as anyone who’s gone the same knows is pretty gruelling! So when I don’t hear from him at all I feel very much like a single parent rather than a parent with a partner who is working away, if that makes sense.

But have you checked in with him?? Have you messaged??
When I’m working, then I’m working. I don’t text anyone unless they message me. My DH would respond if I sent a message but otherwise we just get on with our day and catch up later.
We have been married nearly 20 years, and our children are teens now but I don’t remember it being different when the kids were little. DH was away for weeks at a time at that point as well.

Flamingoknees · 03/04/2025 18:23

I was all ready to say YABU, until you said you don't even know if he's coming home tonight.
YADNBU

parietal · 03/04/2025 18:21

He should let you know when he will be home but otherwise leave him in peace.

Original poster
whitth · 03/04/2025 18:21

I guess because it’s hard work on my own (we have two preschoolers and that is an unintentional drip feed!) So when he’s not here I’m getting them up and sorted and to nursery myself and then the same end of the day or have them all day which as anyone who’s gone the same knows is pretty gruelling! So when I don’t hear from him at all I feel very much like a single parent rather than a parent with a partner who is working away, if that makes sense.

OP posts:
SophieAnt · 03/04/2025 18:21

When I working I only text if I have time-critical info to pass on and only call if someone’s in hospital.

If there’s uncertainty about whether he’s home tonight he should tell you but otherwise I think it’s normal not to be in contact.

pearbottomjeans · 03/04/2025 18:19

I don’t think YABU tbh. Me and DH text most days. He has a job in front a screen talking to people all day, so what’s one more? I do a hands-on-screen-free job and message him a couple times in the day if I look at my phone. That’s just normal life, my life and his are intertwined and we have 3 kids so therefore I’m always telling him stuff and asking stuff and sending him things that make me think of him. He has just got home from a. Week in the states so didn’t talk to him much, as I was either asleep or busy when he wasn’t and vice versa. So it’s not like we’re codependent.

Smartiepants79 · 03/04/2025 18:18

So he has contacted you?
Have you messaged him?
When my DH is working in London, so out from 7-9 I wouldn’t really expect messages in the middle of the working day unless something massively exciting had happened or I’d contacted him. He’s working not just lying about in bed.
Presumably if he isn’t coming home he’ll let you know?

Jeezitneverends · 03/04/2025 18:17

Why are you being so needy? Dh and I never speak during the work day unless we need to pass information etc

TomatoSandwiches · 03/04/2025 18:17

It wouldn't bother me tbh.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 03/04/2025 18:16

YABU. He's not thinking about you during the day - he's working.

EyrieEaglesnest · 03/04/2025 18:15

I don't think you are being unreasonable OP.

He is your life partner but it sounds as though you are out if sight out of mind as far as he is concerned.

When you say he " sometimes stays over night" is he actually staying at his place of work over night or does he travel and stay in hotels. You make it sound as though he stays away over night out of choice rather than necessity.

TabloidFootprints · 03/04/2025 18:14

I am also out of the house from 7 to 7 on days I'm in the office. Am on train going home right now. I'll contact DH if I need to, eg today we have texted and emailed a few times about things the children need. But I wouldn't just to say I was thinking of him unless he was ill. To be honest I'm not thinking of him particularly. Doesn't mean I don't love him .